People have no idea how expensive it is to ship things around the world, especially heavy things.

I get emails on a daily basis complaning that the USA price of four bottles of True Blood is just 16 dollars. And that at £10 a bottle, it's far too expensive.

But clearly those people have no conception of how expensive it is to ship 4 kilos (the weight of 4 bottles) across the Atlantic. They think because it's $16, it shouldn't be much more over here.

They're wrong. The price of shipping something across an ocean is vast, and the £34 it costs on my site is far less than the £58 it would cost you (min + Shipping taxes) to buy four bottles yourself.

I don't know why people can't see that.

I'm now convinced life has it in for me, as The Geekest Link is now down for another full day. This time with the wonderful error message:

That's a pretty final - and desperately unprofessional - message - the last thing you want when you're trying to set up a new company and you take one step forward and two back due to an endless litany of problems. The first month of trading has now had three days where people couldn't buy things (three days I know about) and now this. That's a lot of down time and it just looks bad.

So, it got me thinking: surely it's not this difficult for everyone? I think fate singles out certain people and says: I'm going to f*ck with your life, and it does, until it gets bored (or you die - whichever comes first).

And now I'm sat, waiting for some kind of response on my website, knowing my first month's revenue is critical to my business plan and knowing people not only can't buy things from the website I spent six long months working on, but they can't even see it!

This takes me right back to Bottled Imp when things were just as dire....

It's back to Burger King for me, I think.

I was watching the news today, and the media loves to manipulate us. It's worse than it's bigoted and has its priorities all wrong! Example: the story of the murdered son of a postmaster, Craig Hodson-Walker, is terrible, and while our hearts go out to the victims of this ridiculous and pointless crime, the amount of emphasis placed on this story was remarkable, especially when you conside that at least 777 Palestinians have been killed in the Israeli / Gaza war - currently ongoing in a place far far away (that, apparently, no one cares about). Anyway, that story might be top billing but it's way down in the importance of things compared to one sensense killing in the UK.

Also taking top billing in the insane news headline: young Tory campaigner Matthew Lewis, has been kicked out of the Conservative Party for dressing up as Madeleine McCann at the new year's eve party. While incredibly foolish, this is not newsworthy. It's just another target for the already hysterical media which seems willing to pounce on any story that could even remotely incense the public.

To summarise: this was a poorly thought out attempt at humour by a brainless idiot - and that's all it was. If we continue to get outraged by stupid people, we're just victims of the media who continue to manipulate us on a weekly basis with their stories of mindless idiots doing even more mindless things.

We were offended by the brainless Jade Goody; we were outraged by Jonathan Ross; and now we're insulted by hapless Matthew who dressed in pink pyjamas, blonde wig and carried a teddy bear to a party. It's NOT newsworthy; there's a war in Israel. That's news!

This is just a dumbass kid who needs to vanish from the face off the earth and never be seen again.

Final update on the paypal woes I've been having over various items bought and sold in the past 45 days. Someone issued a chargeback against me for items worth £150. They clearly knew what they were doing as they used a fake address in the UK (I only found out this today) and asked me to send to an alternative email address.

Anyway, it turns out that you can dispute purchases with your credit card (as you are allowed to do at any time) and then it goes out of Paypal's hands and into the credit card companies.

They, today, found in favour of the buyer, despite me being able to provide an email trail, receipt of goods, and a few messages from the buyer commenting on how good the items were. A buffoon could see that the transaction was completed fairly...

But, clearly, you can't win, as I'm £150 out of pocket and the buyer has items for nothing.

Buying on Ebay is clearly a case of Caveat Venditor (let the seller beware) as Paypal is a minefield for the novice seller with all kinds of ways to trip you up to avoid repaying your cash.

I know there are thousands of lawsuits out there aimed at Ebay and Paypal, and now I can see why. Tens of thousands of sellers have been conned out of millions of dollars of their hard-earned cash.

If you're using Paypal, make sure the buyer has a verified address; that way you're insured against any losses incurred through unscrupulous and sucky behaviour.

To all those people who've told me how brilliant Spore is (thanks to you all for your emails and messages) I have just one comment:

Go and BUY the damn game! 

Downloading software is ILLEGAL and it is STEALING.

You wouldn't steal a copy of the game from HMV...

So stop doing it!

Did you see the Pedigree show on BBC1 last night? It was basically an expose in to the over-breeding of pedigree dogs.

Basically, the massive amount of in-breeding has caused various breeds to suffer all kinds of genetic abnormalities, such as a predisposition to cancer, tremendous difficulties in breeding, or, more commonly, a perceived shape of dog which is vastly different to how it was only fifty years ago.

Now I find the whole breeding for looks thing alarming. It's like genetic slavery, and it's hideous to think my new pooch Zachary could be affected by one of the two main ailments affecting Cavalier King Charles: Mitral Valve Disorder, or Syringomyelia.

I guess we can do nothing now but hope. His parents were fine and are both free of the diseases, but who knows what disasters will strike in the coming years. While Zachary is gorgeous, I wonder if it would have been far kinder to have picked up a hybrid pet, which shares all the positive genetic traits of both bloodlines.

Quite why breeders couldn't just leave the dogs as they were originally intended, rather than turning them into some mutant aberrations, is beyond me. 

At this rate, we'll have no pedigree dogs in another fifty years. They'll all have been bred into extinction and the ones that are left will have a life expectancy of about five years...

I found something else to really piss me off lately. It's the fact that if you want to buy a specific website address, you can't because it's already been bought by someone else...

Who isn't using it!

It really gets my goat (remember that?)

Why are these people wasting cash buying websites they're never going to use? It's beyond belief...

Probably the most contentious post I'll ever make, but I've been watching a TV show about rapists in the UK and how one 37 year old man abducted a 6 year old girl from her home (in the bath), repeatedly raped her, and then left her on the street alone and naked.

She was SIX!

This kind of behaviour, quite naturally, disgusts me to the point of speechlessness. I find it alien that people could treat anyone in this way, and it makes me wonder why the penalties are so low for a crime that could destroy a young child's life.

It seems to me that the respect for human life is an an all time low, with the Sex Offender Register's numbers increasing all the time, but is Life Imprisonment really enough for a crime like this?

There are so many terrible crimes commited on a daily basis across the UK (never mind across the world) and it seems we don't have nearly enough punishments for these terrible people. In fact, we seem more willing to label them as 'sick' or 'unwell' rather than the hideous and corrupted monsters they truly are.

I can think of a punishment for a crime like this, but it wouldn't be life in prison...

It's never ending. I sold my Blizzard Worldwide Invitational CD Key through Ebay to a seller for £225.

They got the key (through email), emailed me to confirm, then tonight I got a Reversal Request from Paypal saying the buyer had sent the request in error.

I've provided all the information I could and now I guess all I can do is await Paypal's decision, but after Paypal refused to help me last year, I'm not going to let this one drop. I'll prosecute the buyer myself if I have to.

But these systems seem set up to protect the buyer while the seller gets screwed royally. If you're a con merchant you get away with anything while the innocent vendor gets shafted.

I think I'll stop using Ebay after this.

Sorry to go on about Ebay again, but yep, I've had yet more e-buying woes.

I bought a load of items while I was away, to return to a bunch of loverly packages on the doorstep.

Excitement swelled for about two minutes, until... of the three things I bought, one was a fake, one didn't contain the correct items, and the third was only partially correct.

And the postage makes me exceptionally grumpy. One item cost just the price of a first class stamp (around 60p including the packet) - yet the postage was £2.64.

On the plus side: the sellers have been brilliant - for the most part. I got my cash back on one item and the other one is sending out the missing items, so it's not a complete loss, but it's £25 quid down the toilet...

I never learn.

It's impossible to use internet movie review website IMDB to get a reasonable approximation of a movie these days. Ten years ago it was a brilliant site with highly accurate scores for movies, but over the years, people have flocked to the site in their millions, and with them, the numbers of 1s given to movies is overwhelming.

29% of voters have given Sex and the City a score of 1, and most of those were on the site before the movie was released. Now, it's not a fantastic movie but I firmly believe that there are few, if any, movies that deserve a score of 1.

I wonder what motivates people to vote on a movie they haven't seen.
Certainly, I'd find it nearly impossible to give a 1 score. Even the
absolutely atrocious Italian horror yawnathon The Beyond deserved 2 out of 10 (and it really IS appallingly bad, and not in the good b-movie sense).

Worse, IMDBs #1 movie The Godfather, has around 6% of 1 votes. I'm surprised (but not very) that the highest scoring movie on the website has more than a handful of 1 votes. Don't people realise this movie is a classic? 

I find it depressing that people vote in this way. You no longer can use IMDB as a reliable tool for determining the true quality of a movie, but I guess it's like that across the board. People would rather vote on a movie they haven't seen than vote in the elections.

But that's another rant best saved for another day.

It's no secret that the UK pays a high price for its television. I pay about £120 ($250) a year just for the BBC Television Licence, which you have to have if you are capable of receiving any TV signals.

Now, I don't watch a great deal of actual TV, and despite enjoying a few shows on BBC's network (maybe three or four shows a year) I just can't see why the TV production companies can't arrange a direct download service for their shows.

I'd be more than happy setting up a subscription service to the various stations I like (HBO, FOX, etc). Surely in this electronic age they'd be striving to keep up with technology, allowing us to download the shows we want, in the format we want, when we want.

I'm sure this will come in time, but right now, it seems the TV companies are way behind current delivery systems, which is a shame as you always see tens of thousands of shows being downloaded illegally, when a majority could be eliminated overnight with an official channel. So that proves this kind of service is in high demand. No one wants to wait six months for a show to start in the UK when it's already finished in America. The TV studios need to get their act together. I know you can buy shows on iTunes, but many of them are region-locked. It's just not good enough.

I would be willing to forever get rid of my TV receiving equipment (and the crummy BBC TV Licence) in favour of customising exactly what TV I want to watch. And when.

As we all know, the UK price of petrol is about to sky rocket, but how many of you know exactly what the breakdown of those costs are?

Well, get ready for a surprise (or not) as this is the scary truth. If the price of a litre of petrol was £1.09, the breakdown would be:

Duty: 50.35

Petrol Actual Cost: 32.6

VAT: 16.07p

Retailer Delivery: £8.88p

That's right, you heard me! Fifty pence! That's just about half the price of petrol that goes to the Government. In what universe, is the tax on an item amost 50%? This is SHAMEFUL exploitation and I cannot believe the country hasn't stood up and demanded a reason why we're being taxed to the hilt on petrol.

I don't like posting political comments but the world is ruled by whoever controls its resources. Right now we're being manipulated by the oil barons and our own Government, both of whom are prepared to fleece us for all they can possibly get until resources run dry. It's a pretty bleak situation and I'm certain that we won't see another viable source of energy until the oil industry is sure it can't get any more blood from the proverbial stone that is the world's car owners, hauliers, and everyone who makes a living in a motor vehicle.

And, what's worse, is that as petrol prices rise, so does the price of everything else to compensate. So it all impacts the economy and makes everyone poorer.

The Government is worried about the oncoming recession. Well, how about slashing the Duty on petrol for starters. That has a massive knock-on effect which would massively cut costs for everyone in the UK.

But, of course, that would never happen. There's way too much greed involved. This can only end in tears...

It's all very worrying.

I've griped loads about the price of movie tickets these days, but I wasn't at all stunned when I found out that Cineworld is now actively banning people from bringing their own food into the cinemas.

Posted from Cineworld's website:

"Can I bring in my own food and drink? Cineworld have a strict NO FOOD AND DRINK policy. We reserve the right to refuse customers entry into the screens with food or drink bought outside the premises. All our cinemas display the necessary signage, advising customers of this policy.

As a food operator we offer a wide range of drinks and snacks to satisfy our customers but also protect our cinema finishes and customers clothing. Not all movie-goers are considerate of others in their snack choices and we have needed to set clearer guidelines on what is appropriate."

Staff will try and confiscate any externally purchased items they find, which is somewhat disappointing as the food items in store are so ludicrously expensive. It's even worse that they cite 'not all movie-goers are considerate' when all they sell is noisy / smelly / and highly distracting food.

And back on to the extortionate price of things.

• It's £2.25 for a medium sized bottle of water.
• It's £4.25 for a large popcorn.

So, after you've bought your ticket, you're adding almost another ten pounds on to the price of admission for some crummy production line popcorn and a drink.

That makes by price of a single movie, by my reckoning, to a whopping £15. That makes it almost unaffordable for a family of four (which would work out around £40).

Movie director Uwe Boll has said that if the online poll Stop Dr. Boll receives a million votes, he will stop making movies forever. 

You can see the poll by clicking here.

And you can see the counter (pro Boll) poll by clicking here.

I think this is the most offensive poll I've ever seen. It really saddens me that so many are so quick to judge and jump on the hate bandwagon, just because it's cool and everyone's doing it.

Does no one have a voice of their own these days? 

I believe that everyone is entitled to express themselves in any way they choose. If someone doesn't like a movie, then why not just ignore it instead of insulting the creator. I see lots of movies, shows, and games that I don't much care for. I'd never ask for the creator to never work in the industry again - that's just mindlessly offensive to me.

All these people who think it's funny to slag someone else off so openly sicken me. It represents the prevaling closed-mindedness of people everywhere. This is a road that can only lead to the death of creativity, where we must conform to certain acceptable stereotypes.

Twenty years ago a bad movie would have gained cult status as a B Movie. Nowadays, the only cries are for the director's blood.

The Stop Boll poll gained 200 votes in the time it took me to write this piece. That's 200 closed-minded people who have chosen to crush someone else's dreams.

I find it all very depressing.

I just found out I've been paying £29 a year for credit card cover I didn't even know I had.

Or wanted.

Apparently, I signed up for "free" cover in January 2001 and had to manually cancel it by letter or telephone, although I never sign up for those things; they're just a con. No one told me at the time and I was very surprised when I received a letter today (the first in eight years) telling me that my cover was about to expire.

So it got me thinking: how many people are paying for pointless cover they don't even know about. It seems that EGG automatically signed me up for this. Which is pretty unethical business. 

If I hadn't had a letter from them, I would probably have missed it from my statement, again.

So my advice here: check your statements oh-so-carefully these days. It's not only the fraudsters that are after your cash.

Just got back from Amsterdam where I was reviewing the new SEGA game Condemned 2: Bloodshot, and left a bag on the plane. Was exhausted from a gruelling day of travel and reviewing, and just naturally forgot I had a new carrier for a moment.

When I remembered it, about 3 minutes later, they wouldn't let me go back to the plane, so I had to go to the help desk to get someone to retrieve my bag, but despite it only being about 10 minutes since I left the plane, they said my bag, with all its chocolately goodness, was gone.

So either someone picked it up off the plane, which I find a bit unlikely (as it was sitting pretty flat at the bottom of the locker), or someone on the plane team found it and grabbed it.

Anyway, it's a bit depressing that someone would swipe it up from the locker, but then again, anything seems fair game these days.

Even delicious, hand-made chocolate from the Netherlands. 

RIP my cinammon almonds, I hope whoever ate you enjoyed them as much as I would have. 

Rant time, and what really gets my goat this week is when you contact publishers, agents, editors, and they say "sure, send your portfolio over" and then, weeks go by and you hear nothing.

Then, you email them with a follow up message, and although they were pefectly chatty before, now there's nothing but a stony-cold silence.

Not a single reply (it's like dating all over again).

Now, I wouldn't mind one bit if they bothered to reply with "your work is crap / not for us / bugger off and don't tarnish my inbox with your presence" but nope, not even a polite response.

I find that just weird. It's hard not to be insulted.

Whatever happened to basic courtesy? 

I went shopping in Birmingham last night and - for the first time ever - was driven crazy by the Christmas music.

Playing in every store.

Over and over! 

Now, I know it's only 5 weeks to Christmas, but really, does anyone else think it's WAY too early for all these festivities? I wouldn't mind it in December*, but it's the same every year: same old music, same old tired Santa and his threadbare reindeer...

I hate those festive songs pretty much universally - I Wish it Could Be Christmas Everyday in particular - and if I had a time machine, I'd go back and assassinate all the members of Slade.

I mean - Who really wishes it was Christmas every day? You'd not be able to buy any milk for one thing.

Or bread!

And we all need bread.

Anyway, I digress. It's going to be like this for the next five weeks! 

Bah, humbug!

*I might, actually.

So, maybe it's the grumpy part of me that's awake at 3:00am that's taking, but I'd really like to give people who give movies and games online reviews with scores of 1/10. Happens so much on IMDB and it really bugs me. People who do it must have peanuts for brains.

I actually can't think of any movie I'd give a 1 out of 10 to; and pretty much every game has some merits (if you take the time to look), yet Mass Effect, Bioware's delicious sci-fi role playing game (released on Friday) has online reviews with scores of 0.1/10 and comments like "Don't Believe the Hype".

Regardless of whether the game is terrible or not, I'm pretty sure this game deserves a 5/10 for the graphics alone.

These people need putting in a sack and - well - never mind. They sully reviews for everyone else.

I guess that's why you can't trust the internet for reviews (or, indeed, comments from sane people*). Things are either fantastic or terrible, and there's very little middle ground - everything's black or white.

Grrrr. I'll go back to bed now.

*Obviously, my website doesn't count here! 

Now I know why people download so many movies these days: it's SO expensive to go to the cinema.

Went to see Stardust yesterday (review coming), and it cost me £6.40 a ticket. That's £20 ($40) before I've even started on drinks and such. 

I'm sorry but I thought that was extortionately expensive. Especially so when you can buy the DVD for £11.99 - and even cheaper online.

No wonder movie studios' profits are up. Fewer people are going to the movies but the prices are more than making up for it.

I feel ripped off.

The following things have come to my attention that are exceptionally annoying:

• Taxi companies that accept no responsibility for a journey if you don't allow an hour before your train - even though you only live 2 miles away and could walk it in half that time.
• People who have no concept of 'Quiet Coach' on the train and continue to let their Ipod, or phone bleep happily away for hours.
• Thin people who can eat anything and not put on any weight (OK, so they're not annoying, really*)
• People who think it's funny to anonymously post hardcore porn images on my website - when there could be children reading.

... can you tell I've been on a long train journey today?

*Well, maybe a little.

Now, I'm sure it's not just me, but I don't think the Postal Services should be allowed to go on strike.

I've currently had one measly letter in the last week, and I hear that they're striking for ALL of this week, as well.

This pretty much sucks as I won't get all the post I was excited about and WORSE - Shivers Magazine goes on sale this week and my copy won't be falling on my doorstep.

I don't understand striking. If I was unhappy with my salary, I'd just quit and find another job. Striking is like spitting out the dummy or throwing the teddy from the pram. "If I can't get my own way I'll scream and scream..."

Maybe it's just me. Or maybe I'm missing something. Maybe these workers aren't getting a fair pay rise, but it still doesn't mean they should go on strike... Or does it? If you are on strike I'd love to hear from you.

Anyway. If you're in the UK there's no post this week.

Why do spammers sign up to my forums?

Despite having nothing to discuss (until my new book comes out), it's a fairly lonely place there, yet I still get, ooh, a minimum of ten per day, which is annoying because when I'm away from home, denying them is a few mouseclicks each. Which is a few mouseclicks more than I would prefer.

What's worse, why do they think I'll accept their accounts with names like CheapPorn or Xbslisjsjxxx.

Boggles the mind, really. 

Incidentally, if you are called Cheap Porn or Xbslisjsjxxx, please SIGN UP to my website and let me know.



I'm sure there'd be a prize if you can provide a birth certificate or driving license!

Of course it won't stop people illegally downloading music until this becomes a reality (and happens to them or to someone they know), but an American woman has become the first person to be convicted of illegally downloading music and has been fined 220,000 dollars.

The jury ordered Jammie Thomas to pay the six record companies that sued her 9,250 dollars for each of 24 songs they focused on in the case. She was accused of sharing 1,702 songs using the Kazaa software, infringing their copyright.

Record companies have filed 26,000 lawsuits since 2003 over file-sharing, which has damaged sales because it allows people to get music for free instead of paying for recordings in stores.

Many other defendants have settled by paying the companies a few thousand dollars.

It's become common now to just download a song from a downloader without any thought to the record company who loses out from lack of sales. The most common excuse is "well I'd never buy it anyway" as if that's some kind of catch-all justification to ease the conscience. 

The second most common excuse is "well they've already got millions"

Irregardless of financial status, piracy is theft.

With potentially costly repercussions - will people start to think twice before hitting the download button?

I've been saying that these stupid dial-in-and-vote competitions that have plagued our TV for YEARS are a total con.

And finally we know they are!

They're everywhere, on every show! You can vote for the best singer or dancer, or for your favourite listed building to be rennovated. You can even vote for which obese person you felt lost the most weight (and should stay in the show to lose even more weight next week).

Whatever next: Vote for your favourite colour of kiddy sick?*

Once one company was found guilty of manipulating the voting - lots of other companies started coming out of the woodwork. They're all at it. Ripping the genuine voters out of 25p (plus the price of a local call) per call. But on the plus side, a minimum of 12p of that will go to charity... (whoppee!)

Here's just some of the company crimes: 

• Contestants were being chosen - but the voting was allowed to continue.
• Names were changed to what the producers felt were more 'appropriate' in a choose the name contest.
• TV company staff posed as contestants when a suitable contestant couldn't be found.
• Apparently, in the X-Factor Gareth Gates / Will Young vote, people couldn't vote properly for Gareth Gates. Draw your own conclusions.

These contests should be a local call only - or ALL the money should go to charity. TV companies make more than enough cash without having to supplement their income with ripoff telephone voting.

I suppose the best way to deal with them is to ignore them entirely. The public rarely gets it right on shows like X Factor anyway. The votes are influenced by who cried the most, who has the biggest sob story, or by any way the producers choose to manipulate the voting.

But what annoys me the most is the fact that the BBC was fined $50,000 for faking the results of a competition. But its the public who pay the TV Licence and it's the public who lose out.

* Actually, maybe there's a show there: Kiddy Spew with Carole Vordeman! What do you think?

I was reading in the London Paper this morning that some 'unscrupulous' people had put video spoilers to the ending of Halo 3 on Youtube.

That's far better than the people who put spoilers in the subject lines of forum posts - an insensitive and selfish to do no matter what the subject. Sadly, as I was saying yesterday (about the lack of censorship on the web) this sort of thing happens all the time.

In summary: if you don't want to know the ending of a game, then don't look at Youtube. Or avoid spoiler websites. Or both. Finish a game before you go anywhere even remotely dangerous.

Anway, yes, I was ranting about the newspapers. Just because something's on the web doesn't mean people are going to look. I think it's cool. If people want to know about the ending to Halo 3 and they can see it for themselves without ever playing the game (because they don't want to) then this kind of thing is ideal.

It's like all those people who ask me: Does Harry Potter Die?

Hmph. Go read the book for yourself, or go here for spoilers.

But you don't have to click on that link. You can just as easily remain oblivious to the endings to Book 7 until you read it.

Bit of a pointless rant really, but having just travelled down from Sheffield to London and stopped off at two service stations, I realised: how much do service stations rip people off?

They do it unashamedly. A bottle of water was £2.00 - that's far more expensive than a nightclub! And a packet of sweets was £2.10, when they're what - 79 pence in a supermarket.

It's quite disgraceful, really. 

And I thought that highwaymen were long gone, but nope - they've alive and well and ripping us off on the motorways.

More moans about Ebay. This time about how Ebay is biased toward those people who want to con you or rip you off with inferior goods.

They can hold back on feedback until you give theirs, and if you give them negative feedback, they'll do the same for you out of spite even IF you've paid on close of auction and been polite and courteous throughout the transaction.

And in cases like these, Ebay does nothing. It seems as long as its making a bazillion dollars a year, it really doesn't care about the few who get ripped off.

There's no policing on Ebay and an absolute We Don't Care attitude. 

Ebay really does let the cheaters win.

It really does suck.

I remember a time when the Virgin brand represented something good, something of value made by a company that cared...

But after they stumbled under the recent UK airline pricing scandal (they conspired with British Airways to increase taxes), it seems things aren't nearly as clear cut and that Virgin and Richard Brandson aren't nearly as clean as they would have you believe.

It's so easy to say 'we're sorry' after the event, to feign penitence and sincerity, and to protest that your part in the sordid public scam was only slight, but it's clear Virgin's reputation has been sorely tarnished.

They're as corrupt as every other company.

I firmly believed that when there was the Sky One row (when Virgin bought out NTL Telewest), it was Sky One who was to blame. Virgin were quick to throw the first stone and to stand on their lofty pedestal, yet I'm no longer so sure they were as innocent as they make themselves out to be.

So, are there any decent companies out there?

Certainly, this is one Virgin whose reputation has been forever sullied... 

The world is going insane (but you knew that already). They were talking on the news this morning about the new law the British Government is considering to offer financial assistance to couples that live together for more than two years.

Apparently, there’s no law in place to protect the assets of couples who live together outside of marriage. Right now, if you split as an unmarried couple, you will share the proceeds of the house, but that’s about all you’ll get.

I find that ridiculous; there should always be an equal division of assets.

And that’s exactly what this new law will bring.

The new law will ensure that one party compensates the other for financial losses incurred during their time living together. So, if a woman stayed at home for six years to raise their children, the other (working) partner would have to compensate the mother accordingly for those years of lost earnings.

And quite rightly so.

But, naturally, the press is saying in their typically overly dramatic way: “IS THIS THE END TO MARRIAGE?”

Oh please. The end to marriage - that’s just ridiculous! I’m fairly sure people get married to show commitment to each other. Or, what about love? Or religion? Or because the woman has a really hideous surname (like beavercrotch) and wants to change it...

Thinking that people just get married for financial gains is short-sighted, mean-spirited, and foolish. While there are undoubtedly those who do get married for the wrong reasons, this new law won’t affect the vast majority who get married for the right ones.

Anyway, I’m tired of the media stirring everything up and making the world seem so much bleaker than it really is. What we need now is a newspaper that tells things as they really are. No spin, no bias, just the truth. 

Yet I wonder if it's even possible to have a newspaper that isn't guided by its own twisted politics and agendas?

And would you even buy such a newspaper if one existed?

Ebay really does suck. They go on and on about how easy it is to buy stuff, but what they don't tell you is that their customer service team is an eighty year old Albanian woman working from a Cath's Motorway Cafe in Filey. Armed only with a typewriter and a crappy analogue internet connection, she does her best, but you really can't blame her.

OK, so that might be miles from the truth, but just finding an email address to whom you can complain to Ebay is a task in itself. You're more inclined to think "oh, sod it! It's only twenty five quid!" than actually spend an hour faffing around the site going endlessly in circles, rather than actually getting the information you require.

And then, when you have your precious email address, the help they offer is either completely useless, irrelevant to the point of insanity, or, more commonly, utterly unhelpful.

Over the years I've used Ebay, I have had plenty of times to complain about rubbish sellers and their goods that were often drastically different to as described "as new my ass!" and every single time, they have either chosen not to reply, or have replied with standard cut-and-paste answers that were useless.

And so we come back to the American seller who hasn't refunded my money. It was a major chore just getting the vendor's home details. Ebay told me (after about five emails) that they couldn't provide seller's personal details, then they told me they could, but it was beyond their 'sales window'. They then finally, days later, agreed to provide me with contact details. Which I now have.

At no point would they refund my money as the seller has cancelled his account and is no longer under Ebay's jurisdiction. Like so many times before, they simply refuse to enter any kind of communication about that issue. It's like they're blind to the issues.

With the way I've been treated by sellers over the years I think Ebay should be sued for the use of the word 'jurisdiction'. It's a shameful overexaggeration. They're happy raking in the cash, but doing something about rogue sellers - I think not...

So, now I'm left with nothing but either (and these were Ebay's suggestions).

• Phone the Police.
• Contact the American Police.
• Phone the seller and explain the situation (We're all convinced that that will help!).
• Litigate outside of Ebay's systems (as they are not responsible for 
• Accept my loss and continue to trust in Ebay's excellent service.

Well done, Ebay. You allowed criminal activity on your site. Someone stole a load of cash from me, cancelled their account and it's no longer your responsibility.

I think that kind of attitude is reprehensible. And as long as no one challenges Ebay, they'll continue to get away with it.

Anyone else had bad experiences with Ebay?

I've been thinking about Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows and the alarming number of pirated copies downloaded from the internet.

And this is just the tip of the iceberg. Come 2:00am tomorrow, pirates will have purchased many copies of the book, yet rather than reading it, they'll have scanned every page and it'll be on the web for millions to download.

And that sucks.

I bet that almost everyone who is reading this column today has downloaded something without a thought to the artist who made it, or the company who sold it.

So often I hear:

• I couldn't afford it
• The companies/artists are rich enough
• I'd never have bought it anyway (I don't buy CDs)
• I just wanted to try it out before I buy (but you never do, despite listening to it until you get bored of it)

What kind of crap excuses are those? It's a paltry attempt to ease your own conscience.

The 'I couldn't afford it' is the most pathetic of the excuses. No one complains about not having a Porsche, yet everyone downloads CDs they couldn't 'afford'. 

I think people would only understand if someone drew ten pounds out of their bank account. Then they'd complain, but as there's no visible victim and no consequences (no one ever gets caught for piracy) people will continue to do it.

The computer games industry is hit hardest. The makers of Doom 3 lost over 4 million dollars in sales even before the game was released. No company, not even the really large ones can afford to lose 4 million dollars. And yet it's the same people who complain that companies aren't prepared to take risks. Of course they aren't! With clever fools out there waiting to dissect the software, to remove the copy protection and to put it on the web for thousands to download, that's a hefty slice of any company's profits and it can limit the expansion of a company in all kinds of unforseen ways.

I've been on the receiving end of piracy so I know only too well what it feels like. Every day my books are downloaded by hundreds and it's both painful and depressing. You kind of get used to it after a while and it becomes a numb acceptance at the back of your mind.

I'm sure none of you would begrudge me the hundreds of pounds I lose in sales a year, yet people continue to do it.

Every time you download something, someone loses out. Piracy is theft.  

Until people face a hefty fine or a prison sentence for piracy, the illegal downloads will continue.

Ebay, I’ve never liked it! I know lots of people have no problems at all, buying items exactly as described for many years, but I personally have had LOTS of problems.

I buy items marked as ‘new’ and in ‘mint condition’ to find they are far from the case, or I receive pirated DVDs or shoddy knockoffs.

I even bought a ‘new’ version of Photoshop to find it was a pirate version with a CD Key Generator (the nerve of some people is galling). What’s worse is that seller had thousands of positive e-sales, so he’s making a stack of cash off pirated items on Ebay and no one does anything about it!

So I bought something from Ebay in September. The seller was in America and normally I try to avoid those transactions unless they’ve got a really high reputation with lots of positive comments. This seller did have and all looked OK.

But come December and the item still hadn’t arrived.

The seller told me by email that the item had probably been lost in the post and he didn’t have another. I was offered a refund, which never came.

But actions speak louder than emails…

I’ve mailed every month since then to get a refund, and have heard nothing.

Now it’s only $107, but it’s the principle. It’s MY $107 and I want it back.

I spoke to Paypal (who handled the transaction) who informed me that as it was past the 45 days limitation window there was nothing they could do.

Excuse me, 45 days! That’s in no way sufficient time to resolve an overseas issue. If the goods were stuck in Customs it could take way longer than 45 days. I found Paypal to be like Ebay: inflexible and take a very harsh stance on buyers.

In fact, a quick Google “Paypal Complaints” shows just how many people are dissatisfied with Paypal’s service.

So with no protection against an issue like this, I am left with no alternative but to get my money back through the Internal Courts. That sucks as it’s so small an amount of cash, but it’s MY cash and I’m fed up of being shoddily treated by sellers who hide behind their anonymity.

So watch this space. The seller has seven days in which to respond, and if they don’t, well, we’ll see what happens next. I have to find out their address from Paypal or Ebay and that should be costly.

I’m a man with a mission.

Wish me luck!

PS3 sci-fi shooter Resistance: Fall of Man recently came under fire for including a gun battle inside what looked a bit like Manchester Cathedral. The Church threatened legal action against Sony.

Sony apologised: "It is clear to us that the connection between the congregation and the cathedral is a deeply personal and spiritual one. As a result, we have offended some of the congregation by using the cathedral in our science fiction game. It was never our intention to offend anyone and we would like to apologise unreservedly to all parts of the community who we might also have offended."

But the Church had to add: "We asked Sony to withdraw the game. They have refused to do this. We asked Sony to make a substantial donation to community groups nominated by the Cathedral. They have refused to do this. We also asked them to sign up to the Sacred Digital Guidelines. They have refused to do this. We fear that the next buildings to be cloned for virtual desecration could be a mosque, synagogue, temple or other churches."

OH PLEASE!

I'm outraged that this has happened and that we're living in an Absolutely Fabulous fantasy world of over-reacting and hyper political sensitivity, but really. It's JUST a game.

I think video games are the new blacks / gays / women - the next thing people can take a stab at for a bit of publicity.

Actually, I was going to write a reasoned piece about how I could see the Church's perspective, but actually, I can't. My fingers just won't type the words.

It's just a game and it's not particularly painting the Church in a bad light. If the game was about a secret sex cult that conducted teenage orgies on the alter, then maybe the Church would have a reason to get worked up. But it's not. It's a silly, sci-fi shooter with rayguns and aliens.

People need to get a grip. Never gonna happen, I know, but we're getting to the point now where no one will be able to breathe (except in a prescribed fashion) before the world and his politically correct brother gets in an uproar.

This is a pointless storm in a teacup and no one should be apologising for anything.

The Church should be grateful its getting some publicity. Heaven knows (ooh, a joke) it needs some. Its tactics are pretty low when it stoops to comments like: "We fear that the next buildings to be cloned for virtual desecration could be a mosque, synagogue, temple or other churches."

With people complaning about pretty much anything, I ask myself: where will all this end?

So the UK banks are planning to remove free banking. They are claiming that as the Government forces them to reduce their fees for various charges (such as late-payments and bounced cheques), they will need to charge for their services.. 

They say nothing's free and banking certainly isn't. With hefty charges, minimal interest, and a whole lot of messing around, I'm sorely tempted to stick all of my money in a box under the bed.

There's no way out! All the banks seem to be as bad as each other and there's very little we can do with our money as we NEED banks to manage our finances.

In this fast-paced world there's precious little time to spend writing cheques and using the postal system. Banks have made themselves invaluable.

Personally, I'd like to see a Government Bank; a non-profit making organisation designed to actually help people with reasonable fees.

But of course, in this world where everyone's out to make money, there's no chance of that ever happening.

So, it's an end to free banking. When the banks start charging we'll be paying for their services AND paying for their exorbitant late-fees.

It's a lose-lose situation for the customer, a win-win for the banks.

And they will get away with it! 

The world is a funny place, isn't it? 

Oh boy I'm going to get killed for this, but I realised something this week:

Diet's suck.

They don't work, and they're rubbish.

Why? Because, as soon as you start denying yourself things, you're limiting yourself and no longer listening to your body.

SO, I've given up on diets and I'm going to follow a more flexible way of living. I'm going to listen to what my body wants. I am going to make every effort to eat more slowly, and to stop eating when I'm full.

So, more exercise and less complaining.

Watch this space! 

With the final Harry Potter book just around the corner, the world isn't safe for those people who want to keep book seven's mysteries a secret.

There are hackers claiming to know the last book's secrets, and with countless people having read the book (and more every day), I'm sure the newspapers will do anything they can to spoil the secret long before the release date.

But in this age of increasing spoilers, what can you do? Hide away under the bed? Avoid the world?

Or simply avoid the newspapers, and the internet?

No one seems to care about protecting the sanctity of things any more and now information on TV shows, books, and movies, is revealed long before it's ever given a public release.

The whole mystery and surprise seems to have been lost.

I aim to vanish from the face of the earth on the week preceeding the release of Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, for I want to experience the magic of the final book free from spoilers, but in a world where people seem to care less and less about the desires of others, will I manage to go another four weeks without Harry's final quest being ruined for me?

I can only hope... 

It's not big and it's certainly not clever.

People are so obsessed with weight it's getting beyond a joke. We've already got size zero, but what next, negative sizes? 

I saw a picture of Victoria Beckham at a baseball game in America this week, and thought: oh my god, she looks like a little girl.

Now, I don't mean in her mannerisms, but she really looks like a little girl. She's got little girl legs and a tiny waist. It all looks out of proportions. And the skin on her face is sooo tight and her head seems WAY too big for her tiny body.

Now I really do admire Posh (she's put up with all kinds of crap and she's still gone out and done her own thing), but this is just getting ridiculous.

What kind of image is she setting to people, that it's OK to be stick thin?

Love her or hate her, you cannot deny that being so painfully thin cannot be healthy for anyone.

No logo is worth £400,000.

Yes, I'm talking about the Olympic Games logo (again), which I still think is horrendous.

And, apparently, so does everyone else. 68% of young people interviewed said they hated the logo - a logo that was specifically designed to appeal to them. Well done the idiots who commissioned such a monstrosity. You've really got your finger on the pulse of youth culture...

Last thing I'll say (today) is that - surprise surprise - the Government has launched a competition to design a new "watered down" logo for use by community groups. Apparently, this was their intention all along.

Of course it was! And we believe the London Congestion Charge is really being spent on decreasing CO2 emissions...

Culture Secretary Tessa Jowell (the idiot who had final say on the Games' logo) - you're a complete idiot. Nothing is worth £400,000. You squandered taxpayers money on this hideous nonesense and have the gall to tell us you think "it's terrific!"

Someone said the logo looks like Lisa Simpson giving oral pleasure to a naughty gentlemen. I'm inclined to agree...

OK, so it doesn't actually stink, but whoever commissioned this most certainly does!

I am, of course, talking about the hot topic of the UK's 2012 Olympic Games logo.

Before I rant a bit more, you can see the logo by clicking here

Awful, isn't it?

Now, I can see where they were going with the 2012 theme, but, COME ON! It's ghastly. It lacks any style and looks as though it was created in about two minutes by a four year old with Microsoft Paint.

And it cost (apparently) a whopping FOUR HUNDRED THOUSAND POUNDS!

Now the Government has craftily covered itself by saying the logo will evolve as time goes on - so what will the figure be by 2012, five hundred, six hundred, a million pounds?

It's a shameful waste of money, and I've a feeling that we'll be bearing the brunt of the ridiculous costs of the Olympic Games before long. 

If it's anything like the new Wembley Stadium, it'll cost twice as much as budgeted, and Britain will be broke well before the games actually start!

Or the stadium will be half finished and the Athelete's Village will be a bunch of tents somewhere in the middle of Brixton Prison.

So, Big Brother started again, and they gave a long disclaimer before the show about racism and how Channel 4 had broken all kinds of broadcasting laws...

Quite frankly, the world has clearly gone completely crazy if anyone would get riled up over the pointless and insipid babble of a vacuous, uneducated, and exceptionally mouthy, silly little girl.

I am, of course, talking about Jade Goody. She is, quite frankly, too shallow, pointless, and entirely insignificant to get worked up over.

People should pity her rather than reacting to her flapping mouth - which works entirely independent of her peanut-sized brain.

40,000 people complained about her outbursts to Channel 4. Maybe if they had donated the cost of their call to charity, we could get Jade a proper education.

Heaven knows she needs it! 

It's Big Brother, people. What do you REALLY expect?

Stop reacting to it! 

My forums are being innundated with spammers and botters.

Grrr. Don't these people have anything better to do?

Being technically iliterate, I've no idea how they're doing it.

I wonder if they're somehow automating the process and spreading their filthy internet links across the web in their thousands.

It's very frustrating!

Clearly, these weasels have no life. 

Update: I did a web search on the spammers who have signed up my website and it seems they've signed up to hundreds of websites at the same time. I wish there was some kind of spray to eradicate these pests once and for all...

The media is really making my blood boil, lately.

Following on from the Hasselhoff 'leaked' tape incident (see below), pop princess Kylie Minogue was seen having lunch with married film director Alexander Dahm.

Oh my god - what a slut! How could she?

Seriously. What is it with our media? Can't a woman meet a man for a simple meal without it making front page news?

Does there always have to be some story surrounding these things? 

I'm not going to harp on about the media - I think everyone knows how low their standards are and that there's no stone they won't stoop to turn to get a story - true or not - but this is just an example of how shoddy our standards are - how far we'll go to get that vicarious thrill.

Honestly. Can't someone go to dinner with a friend/colleague/lover without it being turned into the scene of a major publicity incident.

I'm fairly sure that if Kylie was having an affair, she'd pretty much keep it quiet instead of being seen in public and knowing her face would be splashed all over the papers. 

A very sad story indeed and a sad indictment on our media. 

So, David Hassellhoff had a mysterious home video 'leaked' to the internet this week.

Hasselhoff Drunk? 

It shows him eating a massive hamburger, slurring his words, being drunk, and generally lolling around on the floor!

Oh come on! Who do these people think we are?!

Videos like this don't just get 'leaked' to the internet! How stupid do the publicists think we are?

Is is coincidence that his book 'Don't Hassle the Hoff' is being released this week? I think not!

So, to promote my new book, there'll be a mysterious video leaked to the web of me smearing my body in chocolate, roller skating naked, and accosting small animals at a local farm, but it'll be leaked, and I'll be truly penitent in my post-revelation interviews.

Watch for it on Youtube - soon.