| « | September 2010 | » |
| Mo | Tu | We | Th | Fr | Sa | Su |
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | ||
| 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10 | 11 | 12 |
| 13 | 14 | 15 | 16 | 17 | 18 | 19 |
| 20 | 21 | 22 | 23 | 24 | 25 | 26 |
| 27 | 28 | 29 | 30 |
I have to post something. Have to get it off my chest.
I'm sick of vampires. Well, let's be clear: I'm sick of this current generation of vampires. I'm sick of vampires walking around in daylight. I'm sick of them being tortured quasi monsters with fabulous hair and sprayed on pale skins. I'm sick of vampires being fluffy critters with fangs. And with them being cute or lovable. I'm sick of vampires glowing in daylight, and I'm truly truly sick of them being in love with humans. I'm sick of vampire cop dramas and I'm really really sick of the endless eternal angst of the emo vampire.
It's hackeney and unoriginal and deadly dreary. It was cute in Buffy and there are a handful of movies in the '80s where it was bearable, but that was the '80s. Those days are long gone - yet the trite human/vampire love tryst continues, and it looks like there's no stopping it.
This new teen vamp fascination has taken vampires about as far from monsters as it's possible to be. Now we've got Spike and the Twilight gang, and even the odd vampire in True Blood...
But with the Vampire Diaries, it's just one bite too far. This is trash television, it's Dawson's Creek mixed with Twilight - watered down versions of both that tries (but not very hard) to be adult and succeeding only in being utterly pointless.
I'll write a full review later, but right now, I need to go watch some real vampire action. Something where the vampires are monsters and the humans are prey.
It's not exactly high brow TV, but Knight Rider 2008 really has sunk to an all time low. Back for the last few episodes of season 1, the show (cut down to just 17 episodes) has stumbled from bad to worse.
The latest episode, Don't Stop the Knight, is the latest in a long string of pointless and
extremely dull storylines, devoid of style, character or excitement.
I hate the fact that every episode has Knight in the title; I hate the superfluous characters with their cutesy storylines; I loathe the one-story-only script that has permeated every episode. The show is just so formulaic: Michael has to stop a terrorist / group of rebels / someone with a large explosive / hi-tech device - and that's about it. There's really not a lot more going on here.
Is there hope on the horizon? Well, maybe... The producers have promised a reboot (yes kids, another) for the last few episodes, but the fact remains that, like the ailing Heroes, not a lot can stop this show from falling into oblivion. It's a shining example of the lack of vision and writing talent employed on many American shows.
Just how hard would it be to get Knight Rider right? You follow the basic formula of the '80's show and you can't go far wrong, right?
That's clearly not the case, as the new show has all the style, wit and excitement of Sinclair C5 racing.
Now, there's a show we'd ALL pay to see: C5 Rider! With a top speed of 15 miles per hour, it'd be high-octane thrills the whole 45 minutes.
Go on any Doctor Who forum and you'll see countless posts bemoaning the fact that the Doctor only has 13 regenerations. The hardened fans are adamant about this to the point that they feel the show should end because some crummy writer twenty years ago happened to mention that the Time Lords only had 13 regenerations. And it stuck as 'canon'.
Now, as far as I'm concerned, Doctor Who can run and run until it gets old and tired (I think it was getting there with the past few seasons but the senior writer change should turn things around). There are as many ways to give the Doctor additional regenerations as there are stories and there's no reason for it to end.
They could simply ignore the whole 13 limit and just keep going. Although somethings tells me the writers will have to at least pay lip service to the fans, who would wand blood if there wasn't a 'reasonable' explanation for the 14th reneneration.
Were it me, I'd have had the Doctor regenerate a 14th time and be entirely surprised by it. He could think it was the end, only to realise that being the last Time Lord, the limit was an arbitrary one placed by the Time Lords. He could then regenerate indefinitely - until he stopped earning wads of cash for the BBC who would unceremoniously send it to be exterminated (as they did back in 1997).
Seems pointless to bog a great show down in the mire of 'canon', and with David Tenant recently announcing that he's stepping down from the TARDIS after the 2009 specials, the media is full of speculation as to who will take over the controls of the most famous time machine in history.
Personally, I'm voting for a black, ginger, gay, female doctor...
But I might be asking for a bit too much.
It's official, the entertainment industry is strapped for ideas. Creatively impotent, producers are scrying far into the past in search of shows to attract those all important ratings. Some of these shows have been hits (Battlestar Galactica), while others fell apart before they'd even begun (Bionic Woman), here's a list of the shows that should never again see the light of day.
10 - Friends - brilliant in its day, but grew stale toward the end when the characters became little more than outrageous stereotypes of themselves (Oh. My. God, and other such annoying phrases). Bring it back - if you must - for a lavish one off special that will be seen by everyone around the world and for which we'll probably be invaded by aliens from the planet Torrunt (who can't wait the sixty years until it's beamed to their homeworld), but that's a small price to pay. Whatever happens, the special will be lackluster at best and the show should be allowed to die with dignity. Same with Sex and the City (no more movies, please).
9 - Hercules / Xena - while Hercules was undoubtedly pants from the go get, Xena saw huge success. Popular with ladies in comfortable shoes and leather fetishists everywhere, it was all about high adventure and girl power. That said, it ended on a high and doesn't need resurrecting. The writers had told all the stories they could, besides, how many times can someone die at the end of a series and be brought back fresh as a daisy at the start of the next season - it kinda loses its impact after a while. Hercules can stay in the trash, but Xena will be fondly remembered as one of the great fantasy TV shows of all time.
8 - Andromeda - was it ever any good? Was it ever even average? Did anyone actually watch this show? If a tree falls in the woods, does anyone hear it*? Do these questions really matter? Probably not. What is important is the question: is Kevin Sorbo decent lead role material? The answer to that is probably not, but let's have a mass debate with him in our thoughts...
7 - Charmed - a show in its winter (creatively speaking^) after its first season. I think the writers just didn't really have any idea of where they were going and this reflected in the stories, which were exactly the same week on week, year on year. My advice, if you must reboot the show: if you have a show about sexy witches, then MAKE THEM SEXY. I love the idea of Charmed but it really didn't work with frumpy characters and chip fat stories. Or should that be chip fat characters and frumpy stories?
6 - Star Trek - it's all been done before. No, really. It has. Over and over again... If they can't do something fresh, they really shouldn't bother because no one's going to buy another tired old series knock off. What's annoying is that Paramount held a competition to find a new series - and promptly ignored the top entries. Yes, they ignored all the juicy stuff and went for - you guessed it - the oh so dynamic Enterprise (which was jolly good for seasons 3 and 4, but the damage was already done and the show was doomed). If this was a school report it'd say "must try harder" (and not sit at the back trying to cop off with Sarah Rogers).
5 - Knight Rider - What do you mean 'they already brought it back'? The new show should be sent back to the garage for a tune up because it's shallow, devoid of plot, and utterly repetitive. What do you mean 'just like the original series?' Oh well. I should remove this one from the list, but I can't because it should never have seen the light of day. Especially after the craptastic spin-offs Knight Rider 2000 and Team Knight Rider. This show should have its name changed to something that rhymes with "knight".
4 - Star Wars - it's just so very tired. The last four movies pretty much proved that Lucas hit it lucky with the first trilogy, as he seems incapable of writing a good story. The dirty hack! Star Wars shouldn't be seen in any incarnation until they can get a really interesting story and stop regurgitating the same tired old nonsense. I know we all love the idea of Star Wars, but be honest, has anyone actually really liked anything Star Wars related in the last decade? I didn't mind The Ewoks, but that's as far as it goes. And Knights of the Old Republic was rather excellent, but I draw the line there.
3 - Buck Rogers - I can't tell you how much I hated Twiki, the belipsticked Wilma, and later on, the white feather hair cap of Hawkman. Yes. this show was unreservedly dire from the start, from the outragous stories of future seasons to the attempt at gritty dross of the early years. Quite how this show managed to get picked up year on year is beyond me, and I hope we never have to suffer its like again. Altogether now: bidi bidi bidi, it's crap, Buck!
2 - Street Hawk - Fly on the wall in the TV producers' brainstorming session: 'Knight Rider is topping the polls, how can we compete? An alien speed boat? Nah. Pan-dimensional rocket powered roller skates? Hokey. A magic zimmer frame? Abysmal. The creative juices are dead, until one writer steps up with an idea sublime: "I've got it," he cries, "how about a motorbike that can fire lazers and do loop the loops!"... Inspired guys, really. Street Hawk was the epitomy of those '80s shows with soft focus, lots of lip gloss and no substance. The writers should have been fired and replaced with rhesus monkeys...$
1 - Manimal - so much to say. So much to slag off. So little time. The premise is simple (but shit): Simon McCorkindale can turn into animals, but, in the absence of computer generated graphics, the transforming sequence involves a close of up his hand while he does wierd things with it (don't be dirty), before - poof! - there he is, a bird, a panther, a marmoset, a complete pillock in an utterly rubbish TV show. This should never be brought back from the dead, not even if the best script writers decided to work on it. It's just wrong. With zero plot and a budget of fifteen pounds ($30) per episode, let's pray we never see this show - even on reruns.
Our TV is pretty good these days. I'd even say we're in the golden years, with amazing shows like Lost, Heroes, and even newer shows that aren't afraid to push the boundaries (like True Blood, or Six Feet Under), but I still think back to the wonderful and far more innocent shows of yesteryear and wish some of the shows I loved as a kid would be resurrected. Here's my top ten.
10. I Dream of Jeannie - just because one can never tire of having a half naked geenie in a bottle who is eager to fulfil your ever desire (my geenie would have to be put out to pasture after a couple of weeks due to exhaustion).
9. Battle of the Planets - OK, the original (and quite adult) series was called Gatchaman, but this Japanese / French / Canadian / Whatever TV show deserves to come back from the grave. There's a movie scheduled for 2010, but that's just not enough. Oh and 7 Zark 7 should come back as well... as a toaster.
8. Automan - rubbish show about an electronic superhero with some very cool cars / planes / helicopters. Could have a great run these days with cutting edge special effects and some really interesting storylines.
7. Knightmare - kids' TV show that was hugely popular in the '80s. While, technically limited, Knightmare was heavily influenced by Dungeons & Dragons - until the new producers turned it gay. That's right, with an emphasis on the dungeons rather than the dragons, poor Dungeon Master Tregard was beseiged with fairies, pixies, and the gayest elf since, Elrond started cross dressing in later episodes and the show very much lost its bite. But in its heyday it was a fantastic computer generated adventure.
6. The Greatest American Hero - short-lived TV show about an unlikely hero who discovers a super suit left by aliens (not for the fashion conscious, I might add). Unfortunately, our would-be hero also lost the suit's instruction manual so even flying is a struggle. Great action adventure show.
5. Star Fleet - about to be released on DVD for the first time, but this 80's puppet show deserves another outing. Lesser shows have been remade (coughs, Knight Rider) so this should come back, if for nothing else but for the shrill Commander Makara, one of the bizarre human-insect hybrid enemies, who was thwarted in every episode...
4. Buffy the Vampire Slayer - Because this show should run and run. Need I say any more?
3. Blake's Seven - UK gritty sci-fi show with the on-the-run crew of the Liberator. Blake snuffed it early on in the show's lifetime, but we didn't care. The show continued to be called Blake's Seven long after his passing (and even when there was only five of them). But it was the stories that mattered.
2. Quantum Leap - time travelling show that never really explained the ending. More please.
1. Wonder Woman - complete with all the 70's camp, including (but not limited to): super fast running (in high heeled boots) and the spinning transformation complete with crappy explosion effect (a must).
What do you think? Any more shows I missed?
Tonight is the start of Comic Con 08. Probably my favourite 'con' of the year.
But I'm not going.
I'm kinda grumpy about that as I promised myself I'd go this year. Looks like a great line up of events, promotions, and all round superhero / movie / comic goodness.
I suppose I can always console myself with Wall-E and The Dark Knight.
I will be posting news of Comic Con throughout the weekend, as I get it!
Watch this space.
Can't talk about the final episode of Doctor Who season 4, Journey's End, until you've all seen it, but it was a 65 minute special effects extravaganza.
It was, for the most part, brilliant. But the ending... It was, well, decide for yourself whether it was any good or not.
Needless to say, I wouldn't subject any of my characters to that kind of fate; it's just cold. Oh so very cold.
I will admit that I'm glad Russell T Davies' end as Senior Producer is over and that Stephen Moffatt is taking over. New Who is amazing, but the stories are unimaginative and somewhat tired and I think RTD wasn't the best producer to take the helm of the new series.
So, here's to better stories in 2010. And a somewhat uninspired return of the Cybermen for this year's Xmas special.
We've really never had it so good with great movies, and there's a whole slew of them just around the corner.
Out this week:
Hancock: Will Smith as a down-and-out superhero in what looks to be a very amusing comedy/action adventure.
The Mist: Creepy Stephen King horror.
Wanted: Surprisingly good action adventure featuring the pouty half of Brangelina (here's a hint, it's the half that has boobs! Oh, hang on, that's not really enough of a clue, is it?)
Coming Soon
Hellboy 2: Sequel to 2005’s Hellboy.
Batman - The Dark Knight: More inwardly looking action with your friendly neighbourhood angsty superhero.
Wall-E: Pixar’s animated story of the lonely robot who only wants a friend.
The Mummy 3: Brendan Fraser returns for more undead ass-kicking!
The Ruins: Another horror movie this time in Mexico among some creepy ancient ruins.
Mama-Mia: Movie version of the top Broadway musical.
Kung-Fu Panda: Animated adventures of a panda who wants to be a Kung Fu master.
Meet Dave: Bizarre Eddie Murphy movie about Dave, a robot controlled by tiny people inside his head.
Still Doing the Rounds
Sex and the City: Hey, it’s still a hard hitter at the movies!
Indiana Jones IV: Fourth instalment of the action archaeologist.
The Incredible Hulk: Remake of the green Marvel behemoth.
The Happening: Another M. Knight Shyamalan ‘twist movie’ about a family being attacked by – something…
Iron Man: Live action adventure based on the Marvel superhero
Prince Caspian: Brilliant and action-packed sequel to 2006’s Chronicles of Narnia.
Now if that lot doesn't tickle your fancy, you've clearly sold it to the Devil.
If you didn't see last Saturday's Doctor Who I won't spoil it for you, but it had easily one of the best cliffhanger endings I've ever seen in a TV show.
I've no idea where they're going to go from here, but suddenly Saturday evening looks a lot more exciting with the season finale of the time travelling Doctor and his Tardis.
On the plus side, the ending was jaw-dropping but the negative was that we've seen this world under siege in *every* season finale so far. It's time for some new writers.
There’s something for everyone at the movies right now, whether you’re 6 or 60, male or female. In fact, I don’t think we’ve ever had it so good with so many great movies – and it’s only going to get better.
At The Movies Now
Sex and the City: Hey, it’s still a hard hitter at the movies!
Indiana Jones IV: Fourth instalment of the action archaeologist.
The Incredible Hulk: Remake of the green Marvel behemoth.
The Happening: Another M. Knight Shyamalan ‘twist movie’ about a family being attacked by – something…
Iron Man: Live action adventure based on the Marvel superhero
This is also the year of sequels, as you’ll see below.
Coming Soon
Hancock: Will Smith as a down-and-out superhero in what looks to be a very amusing comedy.
Narnia: Prince Caspian – Sequel to 2006’s Narnia.
Hellboy 2: Sequel to 2005’s Hellboy.
Batman: Dark Knight – more inwardly looking action with your friendly neighbourhood angsty superhero.
Wall-E: Pixar’s animated story of the lonely robot who only wants a friend.
The Mummy 3: Did we need another sequel to the popular action adventure The Mummy? Probably not, but we got one anyway.
There's loads of other goodies coming, too. So, even if you don't love the big movie summer blockbusters, there'll still be something to tickle your fancy.
The new Star Wars movie / trailer is online.
It looks like a prequel to episode 3, kinda. No matter how good or bad it might be, I reckon it'll do amazingly well at the box office.
Pretty colours, too!
Marvel Studios has finally hit gold with the news that it is adapting Runaways to the big screen.
"Runaways" follows a group of teenagers who discover their parents are actually super-villains. Running from their legacy, the six teens band together and begin a journey of discovery, both of their parents' origins and of their own super powers.
This is great news as it's such a phenomenal series. Now, let's just hope Marvel doesn't screw it up by having hopelessly unsuited big-name stars in the lead roles.
I can see Keanu Reeves in there somewhere. He's nearly fifteen... isn't he?
If you ever needed proof that movie producers are seeking riches over artistic integrity, then Terminator 4 is the final nail of proof in the bejewelled coffin of greed. The fourth movie in the series (due out next year) has been given a PG 13 rating, which brings in the big bucks and appeals to a wider audience, but doesn't that just strike you as wrong, somehow?
Surely, having three movies in a series that are R rated establishes a continuity (there's blood and lots of gore) which can't be shown in a kiddie-friendly version. They've castrated the series for cash.
They did exactly the same thing with Die Hard 4. Which was the highest grossing of all the quartet.
So, with movie producers willing to slash the adult rating from their movies to make a few extra bucks, does this mean the end of the blockbuster R rated movie? I doubt it, but they will be few and far between from here on out.
I'm finding this cash over art philosophy a bit depressing. Just think what could be on the horizon:
They could remake every R rated movie for a teen audience.
Anyway, as you can see, they've dumbed down our movies. Now they're taking away all the adult content. That means no sex, no violence, and definitely. Absolutely. Categorically. No boobies.
Or exploding heads.
Which is a shame, 'cos I like all those things in movies!
I don't know quite what I make of this animated / CG Star Wars movie coming to cinemas toward the end of the year.
It just seems a bit, well, haven't they done all of that already?
Eagerly anticipated Spanish zombie movie Rec makes it debut at UK cinemas this weekend. Very much in the style-of-the-day format, this story merges Romero’s recently released Diary of the Dead with Cloverfield and tells the tale of a female journalist reporting on the day to day activities of a fire station.
Little does she know when she takes the assignment that she’ll be covering a zombie outbreak.
Expect some great visuals, some scary zombies, and particularly stomach-churning camera angles. If you can stand the blurry web-cam-esque scenes without a generous dose of Dramamine, then this is one of the must-see horror movies of the year.
It finally seems that the stars of tomorrow aren’t necessarily the stars of today. Movie studios are saving a fortune casting unknowns in their big-budget movies, and the mega stars of a few years ago no longer have the pulling power they once had.
When stars like Tom Cruise can be dropped seemingly on a whim, one has to wonder whether things aren’t finally changing. When unknowns can star in movies like the monster smash Cloverfield and TV shows like Heroes can make superstars out of complete unknowns, the industry is finally no longer relying on a few faces to support the entire industry.
When a certain celebrity is cast to play a role (like the woefully miscast Keanu Reeves as Constantine), one has to wonder if the studios aren’t placing box office ratings over artistic integrity. It all seems like money is the one motivator these days and it a film doesn’t gross more than two hundred million dollars it’s seen as something of a failure.
So, why can't we have the actor who's best placed to fill a roll instead of a handful of celebrities playing all the meaty parts no matter how woefully inappropriate.
But times are changing, or are they… for Universal Studios has dropped director Robert Rodriguez's planned remake of the sci-fi cult classic Barbarella, citing disagreements over Rodriguez’s girlfriend, Rose McGowen. Clearly they feel she’s not iconic enough to fill the shoes of the blonde bombshell. The studio reportedly wants a bigger name star such as Halle Berry or Jessica Alba. As if we haven't seen enough of them in recent years.
So, with that thought, it seems that very little has changed. Studios are still firmly entrenched in the ‘stars put bums on seats’ philosophy.
But there’s lots of hope, for with Robert Downey Junior playing Tony Stark in Iron Man, and plenty of fresh TV studios casting total unknowns, perhaps we’ll see an end to the mega stars of yesterday and see some fresh faces – properly cast – in our future.
It's official. Hollywood has run out of ideas. Facing a slump at the box office, the Hollywood top PR people are struggling to pull in the punters.
Is this the best they could come up with: Zombie Strippers
You decide.
The new series of Doctor Who started last night and there was a much-needed comedic element added to the the new season, which isn't surprising as the new companion is award winning Catherine Tate. Tate was in fine form as Donna Noble and the episode raced in a blur of action and comedy. There were some genuinely shocking moments, a super cute (but gross monster) and some tantalising snippets of future stories slipped into various scenes, making this one of the best episodes yet.
I'm not going to say too much about it, but best bits:
Not so great stuff
Overall, a great start to the new series and a new dynamic with the firey Donna Noble as the new companion. The Davies-written storylines have been getting progressively weaker, but Tenant and Tate's energy more than carried the weak script. Add a phenomenal performance from Sarah Lancashire as the Supernanny from space and you've got the best opener since Rose. Next week's visit to Pompeii looks particularly exciting. Could this be the best season ever?
Time Travellers, nerds, and fanboys rejoice for season four of beloved Doctor Who is back on our screens today and we're more excited than a bunch of Sontarans in a potato factory*.
And this time what could be more exciting than a new companion? And not just a carbon clone of love-struck Rose Tyler but the fabulous scratchy personality of firebomb Donna Noble. Donna (Catherine Tate) looks set to bring a whole new aspect to Doctor Who with her normal person's view of the universe. I'd pay very good money to see her face up to the Daleks and say her immortal catch phrase "I am bovvered" when they threaten to exterminate.
I very much doubt we're going to see that side of Miss Tate any time soon, but we can hope.
The new series has been touted as the biggest and most expensive yet, with the return of Rose Tyler, Captain Hack Harkness for the season finale. Also returning sans lusty thoughts for the Doctor is Martha who spends the latter half of the season in the TARDIS.
You can catch it at 6:20 on BBC1 tonight, or, if you're downloading a torrent (which most of you are), around 3 hours later.
*Very geeky joke for which I apologise, more for the fact that it probably wasn't funny than the fact that only 2% of readers will actually get it.
It's exactly one short month to one of my movie picks of the year: Iron Man.
To whet your appetitie, here's a slew of new pictures for your visual delights.
Isn't it weird how a 'leaked' copy of the first episode of season one of BBC TV show Doctor Who found its way on to the web, yet no 'preview' copies of seasons two, three, or four have done the same?
I find it a bit odd how certain companies have these mysterious accidents. It's along the lines of Timberlake and Janet Jackson's 'wardrobe malfunction' or accidentally 'leaving' a few too many bottles of beer in George Best's dressing room shortly before a TV show.
I guess we'll have to wait for Saturday to see the new series, which is eagerly awaited by just under 102% of the planet's population*
* Official figure from the BBC.
If you like Star Wars, this is an exellent Star Wars-esque lightsaber battle.
Don't forget that Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles starts on UK TV tonight.
It might start with lots of action, but it soon settles down into a really great show.
Must not be missed.
It's on Virgin TV at 10:00pm.
It’s a crying shame the gravely tones of Will Arnett weren’t used to voice KITT because Val Kilmer just can’t cut the mustard. KITT was supposed to be an irascible know-it-all, but instead we have a cross between HAL 2000 and a bland Robbie the Robot – there’s little to no personality under the hood, which is a tragedy as the car is supposed to be the star of the show!
I am, of course, talking about the pilot of the new Knight Rider TV series which premiered last night, and while it was vaguely true to the original (with cameo from David Hasselhoff himself), it entirely failed to sparkle. All the camp qualities of the show were discarded in favour of what was essentially a 90 minute commercial for the Mustang car. Yes, the new KITT might have looked cool, but it’s not nearly cool enough. It just feels wrong. It might have lots of new-fangled gadgets, but there was not a single turbo boost in sight. That’s right, KITT remained utterly land-ridden for the full ninety minutes. He didn’t leap over another car or a cleverly-placed set of cardboard boxes. Not once.
The story’s a bit dreary so brace yourself. The scientist who invented KITT has a database filled with all kinds of technological plans. An evil military organisation wants to get their hands on these plans. Scientist fakes his own death, so, to get the data, the organisation goes after his daughter, Sarah Graiman (Deanna Russo), who has the knowledge to decode the information. KITT comes to the rescue and they go to find ex-Marine Michael Tracer (Justin Bruening) as he’s the one person who can protect Sarah and save the day. Y'see, Sarah is (conveniently) the ex-lover of Michael, son of super hero and ‘80s love icon Michael “the Hoffmeister” Knight.
While they all look very young and pretty, it’s more product placement than action show, and there are a lot of car chases in which KITT absolutely does not leap over anything. Which is frankly a bit bizarre. Wasn’t turbo boost a staple of every episode of Knight Rider ever?
Thought so.
Anyway, while it firmly seeks to establish itself as a sequel to the original series, it lacks all of the charm. There’s no Devon or Bonnie, but a bunch of two dimensional characters. The new Michael is passable in the lead role, it’s just a pity KITT has none of his original character.
There’s a glimmer of potential here in this pilot; it’s just a shame that this first episode was so very dreary.
Firstly, it's not nearly as bad as everyone's making it out to be. Overly-criticising movies seems to be the fashion lately and everyone's doing it...
If you don't know the story, Hayden (Padme, NOOOOOOOO!) Christensen plays David Rice, a man who discovers he can teleport anywhere in the world merely by thinking about it. Once he has mastered this power, does he use it to help people? Nope.
Does he use it to form the world's fastest courier service? Nope.
He uses it to make himself stinking rich by robbing banks all over the world.
Living a life of total luxury, able to go anywhere he pleases, David believes himself beyond the grasp of other mortals.
But Samuel L Jackson's character - Roland - begs to differ. He is a Paladin, a member of an ancient order who believes the "Jumpers" are wicked and should be destroyed. He hunts down David with the intent of killing him. Things start to look bleak for the ex-Sith Lord until David meets Griffin (Jamie Bell from Billy Elliot) who is another Jumper who uses his powers to kill Paladins.
From them on it it all gets very fast-paced, a bit blurry, with lots and lots of action. Oh and Rachel Bilson (Summer from the O.C.) is David's love interest, but it's all a bit weak and hardly worth mentioning.
Overall, it's a great premise and a decent movie; well worth watching just for the action - which, admittedly isn't the biggest budget - but there are some fun scenes. Sadly, you've seen most of them in the trailer.
It's also very short, at just 88 minutes from start to end credits. That makes the movie really short. In fact, it was over when it was just getting interesting. A sequel, perhaps?
Only if it makes enough money at the box office.
Summary: 6.5/10. A decent action movie. But lots of plot holes and a lack of real depth bars it from the heights the bare bones of the story so deserved. Really nice idea, though. I really would have liked some explanation of the Jumpers and their powers, or some more meat in my story, but this is one action movie that's vegetarian through and through.
The estate of The Lord of the Rings creator J.R.R. Tolkien is suing New Line Cinemas, claiming the company failed to pay a cut of gross profits for the blockbuster films.
The Trust and publisher Harpercollins filed the lawsuit against New Line this week claming New Line was required to pay 7.5% of gross receipts from the films to Tolkien's estate and the other plaintiffs.
The films have grossed almost six billion dollars worldwide. The plaintiffs seek more than 150 million dollars in compensatory damages, unspecified punitive damages, and a court order giving the Tolkien estate the right to terminate any rights New Line may have to make films based on other works by the author, including The Hobbit.
You can see what effect that would have on 2010's two-film prequel based on The Hobbit. That'll teach 'em not to share.
"The Tolkien trustees do not file lawsuits lightly, and have tried unsuccessfully to resolve their claims out of court," Steven Maier, an lawyer for the Tolkien estate based in Britain, said in a statement.
"New Line has not paid the plaintiffs even one penny of its contractual share of gross receipts despite the billions of dollars of gross revenue generated by these wildly successful motion pictures."
Maier also claimed the film studio has blocked the Tolkien estate and the other plaintiffs from auditing the receipts of the last two films.
This isnt' the first time naughty New Line Cinema has been in court for failure to pay royalties.
And this time the Tolkien trustees seem to mean business.
I’ve seen some decidedly ropey movies recently, but this is by far the worst. In fact, it's so very bad, it’s already in the running for Worst Movie of the Year. And being only February, that’s some accolade.
It's a real struggle just to get through.
This should have been a huge treat for all the Dragonlance fans in the world, instead, what we’re given is a poorly realised, abysmally badly animated, and shoddily written effort, which can’t decide whether it wants to be ‘80s computer graphics or actual cartoon animation. Marvel is releasing such phenomenally animated titles like Iron Man and Doctor Strange, yet this is a poor man’s version of He-Man from the ‘80s.
The story follows the first book in the Dragonlance series – if only vaguely. It’s confusing because so much has been omitted and it really makes very little sense. The heroes go from one battle to the next, with little, if any breathers for story advancement, plot points, or characterisation.
The characters are reduced to the most ridiculous fantasy stereotypes, the dwarf Flint might as well be Gimli from The Lord of The Rings, and Keifer Sutherland is totally wrong for the whispering sibilance of the red mage Raistlin.
There’s no effort or imagination gone into any of this movie, from the voice acting to the story to the artistry. It’s that poor. Talking of the odd visuals, there’s one battle between the heroes and some hooded dragon creatures, only the hooded figures are computer generated, and it all looks horrible, out of place, and a terrible mismatch of styles.
So, was there anything good about this movie? I glibly want to say the closing credits, but even they were annoying when accompanied by the generic fantasy soundtrack. There were some nice nods to the books, but sadly, a few cute comments in a ninety minutes movie does not make it in any way bearable.
Overall: 3/10 (my lowest score yet). Almost unwatchable. Only the most ardent Dragonlance fan should watch this movie, and even then they’re guaranteed to be disappointed. A truly, TRULY wasted opportunity that should have been so much more. But it seems every single part of this movie is broken in some way. A tragic shame.
I can't say I was pleased when I found out that Peter Jackson was producing The Hobbit, but I can't say I'm entirely unhappy with his choice of director.
Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy, Pan's Labyrinth) is now in the hot seat for director.
A Jackson/Del Toro combo will be amazing. It will be very dark, and look amazing. Just how it should be.
I'll be following this one very closely.
There’s not a lot to say about this somewhat run of the mill Britflick; you’ll either like it or you won’t. There’s probably no middle ground.
A remake of the original 80’s movies, St. Trinian’s is a run down all-girls’ school filled with two hundred misfit girlies grouped into cliques (the geeks, the posh totty, the goth/emos, etc). The story is simple: the school is badly under funded and needs a paltry £500,000 to avoid closure, so the girls get together to save their beloved home from bankruptcy. But, unlike other – nice – ladies, they don’t have a charity fete or put on a show to raise the funds. Oh no! They decide to do something far easier... like stealing a valuable painting from the London National Art Gallery.
And it's pretty much like that all the way through.
The movie is not original, it’s nothing new, but it is quite funny. It reminded me of the Spiceworld movie (in that everything seems to be forced and rather unnatural). That said, this is a far better movie and the cast is more believable (which still isn’t to say it’s at all credible). The plot is outrageous, the characters hugely predictable, but it’s reasonably endearing and there are some very funny lines, especially if you’re a fan of mindless violence, drug references, and sexual innuendo.
And who isn’t?
Colin Firth and Russell Brand star in the movie, and they absolutely play themselves, which is a bit disappointing if you were expecting an original performance. No chance of that here from any part of the movie. Mind you, does Colin Firth ever play anyone but himself? He’s the same character in everything, isn’t he? It can’t be bad getting paid to do absolutely no acting whatsoever.
Overall: 6/10. If you’re looking for something with lots of girls wandering around in school uniforms (or less), then this is the movie for you. Otherwise, go watch the originals.
Alien vs Predator: Requiem is the semi-sequel to 2004’s Alien vs Predator, and, with two of the biggest and baddest monsters in blockbuster history in one movie, you have to ask yourself: how could a movie like this fail?
That's a good question, actually.
Remember the predator ship that left earth at the end of the first AvP movie? Well it’s been orbiting the earth, until the alien in the infected predator bursts from its chest, causing havoc on the ship, which plummets to earth and crashes down in a remote American town. The facehuggers escape, and it’s up to one predator summoned from the predator homeworld to stop the infestation.
The story focuses on the inhabitants of this small town, and really, while they all have back stories, they’re not really interesting enough to go into detail here. It’s mostly a lot of screaming, running around with guns, and buckets of gore.
AVPR has a lot of things that stop it being a decent action-horror movie. It’s primarily filmed at night and as a result, it’s unsurprisingly dark. But it's too dark. The fights are too dark and blurry, which defeats the object of having aliens in the movie as you really don’t get to see a lot of them. It might as well be two humans scrapping as that’s pretty much all you get to see. Its lots of blurred shadows, punctuated with a few alien screeches.
It's not an awful movie. Just a distinctly average one. The licence has so much potential, yet its wasted on this low-imagination effort. My biggest gripe (and they did the same with Transformers) is that the movie’s called “Aliens vs Predator”, yet the movie spends the majority of the time dealing with humans and their storyline. Which is a bit weak. I'd at least liked to have seen the alien or predator storylines advanced in some way. It's more like WWF than an out of this world battle between two unfathomable alien forces.
Overall: 6/10. Far better than the original, but still a not as good as it could - or should – have been. With weak acting, even weaker story, and lots of darkness to hide the action, there’s plenty here for the Alien fans to gripe over.
I saw this movie last night and memories of it are still tormenting me. Set in the '50s, it's the story of Meg, a young girl whose parents are killed in a car accident. She and her crippled sister, Susan, go to stay with her Aunt Ruth, a divorcee who lives with her three young boys.
Meg befriends David, the boy next door, who takes an instant like to her, and, as the story unfolds, Meg reveals the details of her troubled life to her new friend. Aunt Ruth is a bitter and somewhat strange woman, and she takes out her frustrations on Meg. At first it starts with her simply starving Meg, but that's just the start of things to come.
I can't say too much about this movie because the last half is so harrowing. There's no other word for it. But I wanted to write about it as it's an example of suffering based on a true story. The horrors some people will subject others too is just boggling. And what Meg endures is simply terrible. I keep asking myself if there's a grain of truth to this story, what she endured at Aunt Ruth and her children's hands.
Was Aunt Ruth crazy? Watch the movie and make up your own mind. But if you're even remotely sensitive about torture and punishment, then this is not the movie for you.
Overall: 7.10 - a harrowing and very difficult movie to watch. Tthere are some torture scenes which, while they're not particularly graphic, what Meg endures is truly terrible and those images drift back to haunt you over the next day or so.
Although this is a decent movie, I would not recommend it to anyone. Ever.
CLOVERFIELD
Do I really need to talk about this? … OK. It’s a movie about a monster that comes to destroy New York, but filmed entirely on web cams so if you’re motion-sensitive, you’ll throw up all through this movie. Don’t expect lots of the monster, though, as it’s only visible for just shy of three minutes.
See a Trailer: http://www.cloverfieldmovie.com/
Release Date: OUT NOW!
NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS
Nicholas Cage reprises his action adventure role this time to find the President of America’s lost secret diary.
See a Trailer: http://www2.disney.co.uk/DisneyMovies/nationaltreasure2/
Release Date: OUT NOW
JUMPER
Action movie about a man who can transport himself
instantly to any location on the planet - at will - only he finds
there’s a whole group of ‘jumpers’ who are embroiled in a deadly war.
See a Trailer: http://www.jumperthemovie.com/
Release Date: OUT NOW
RAMBO
It’s been 20 years, but Stallone reprises his war veteran loner role in this bloody action movie. In Thailand, John Rambo assembles a group of mercenaries and leads them up the Salween River to a Burmese village where a group of Christian aid workers allegedly went missing.
See a Trailer: http://www.apple.com/trailers/lions_gate/rambo/
Release Date: OUT NOW
MEET THE SPARTANS
300 spoof by the ‘fantastic’ makers of Date Movie and Epic Movie. This will probably be utterly terrible.
See a Trailer: http://www.meetthespartans.com/
Release Date: OUT NOW
DIARY OF THE DEAD
Romero’s newest zombie movie, this time brought entirely up to date and a bit like Cloverfield (or so the previewers say). Romero’s quite like a zombie as he never quite goes away and he must be hundreds of years old by now…
Find out More: http://www.myspace.com/diaryofthedead
Release Date: OUT NOW
10,000 BC
A prehistoric epic that follows a young mammoth hunter's journey through uncharted territory to secure the future of his tribe.
Find out More: http://www.10000bcmovie.com/
Release Date: OUT NOW
CJ7 / CHEUNG GONG 7 HOU
Super cute movie about a Chinese inventor who finds the perfect gift for his son: a strange alien creature.
Find out More: http://www.sonypictures.net/movies/cj7/
Release Date: 21st March
THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES
The what? I hear you ask… Well it's based on the popular children's fantasy series from Holly Black and Tony DiTerlizzi. The Grace family depart New York City for a quieter home, but excitement isn't far away when they move into the strange family house in the country.
See a Trailer: http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/thespiderwickchronicles/
Find out More: http://www.spiderwickchronicles.com/
Release Date: OUT NOW
IRON MAN
Robert Downey Jr. stars as Tony Stark, a man who becomes a superhero after a near-death incident, in this big-budget Marvel Comics adaptation. Iron powered superpowers abound. But who is the supervillain? Please let it be Rust Man... *
See a Trailer: http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/ironman/
Find out More: http://www.ironmanmovie.com/
Release Date: 2 May 2008
*that was a joke!
INDIANA JONES 4
Twenty-five years after "Raiders of the Lost Ark," Harrison Ford reprises his role in "Indiana Jones 4."
Find out More: http://www.indianajones.com/site/index.html
Release Date: 22 May 2008
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN
The characters of C.S. Lewis's timeless fantasy come to life once again in this newest installment of the "Chronicles of Narnia" series, in which the Pevensie siblings are magically transported to the world of Narnia where a thrilling, perilous new adventure and an even greater test of their faith and courage awaits them. I bet you can't wait!
See a Trailer: Coming soon!
Find out More: Coming soon!
Release Date: 27 June 2008
KUNG FU PANDA
Animated action adventures with a panda who’s rubbish at kung fu. The animation looks fantastic – well worth a look.
Find out More: http://www.kungfupanda.com/
Release Date: 4 July 2008
THE DARK KNIGHT
Do I really need to say any more. Sequel to the 2005 super dark Batman Begins starring Christian Bale, Michael Caine, and that crap bird from Dawson's Creek (who's thankfully not in this movie). With a new outfit, the Bat Bike, and the Joker, this sets out to be bigger and better than the first movie (and hopefully no rubber nipples or chaps).
See the Teaser Page: http://ibelieveinharveydent.warnerbros.com/
Find out More: http://thedarkknight.warnerbros.com/
Release Date: 25 July 2008
HELLBOY 2: THE GOLDEN ARMY
With a signature blend of action, humor and character-based spectacle, the saga of the world's toughest, kitten-loving hero from Hell continues to unfold in Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. Bigger muscle, badder weapons and more ungodly villains arrive in an epic vision of imagination from Oscar®-nominated director Guillermo del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth, Hellboy). After an ancient truce existing between humankind and the invisible realm of the fantastic is broken, hell on Earth is ready to erupt.
See a Trailer: Come back soon…
Release Date: 22 August 2008
HIGH SCHOOL MUSICAL 3: SENIOR YEAR
Sequel to the amazingly successful High School Musical Disney movies. Expect exactly more of the same, only this time there’ll be songs and dancing themed around Graduation Day.
Release Date: 10 October 2008
STAR TREK XI
New Star Trek movie. I don’t think anything more needs to be said…
Release Date: 26 October 2008
AVATAR
Based on the fantastic cartoon of the same name and directed by super action-meister James Cameron. In the future, Jake, a paraplegic war veteran, is brought to another planet, Pandora, which is inhabited by the Na'vi, a humanoid race with their own language and culture. Those from Earth find themselves at odds with each other and the local culture.
See a Trailer: http://www.avatarmovie.co.uk/avatar-trailer.php
Find out More: http://www.avatarmovie.co.uk/
Release Date: Sometime in 2009
Finally a new movie after the quiet new year period. This week we have Alien Versus Predator Requiem - the semi-sequel to the 2005 Alien Vs Predator. Alien fans rejoice!
WORTH SEEING
I Am Legend - Will Smith battles a lack of story in 90 minutes of eye candy. Decent movie but the originals are far superior.
Bee Movie - Cute, happy cartoon about a bee who wants to be more than just a worker in the hive. Leaves you with a smile on your face.
Enchanted - Wonderful fantasy tale of magic and romance in the cartoon and real worlds.
Mr Magorium's Wonder Emporium - Failing a bit now the wonder of Christmas has past but still worth a look if you've really nothing better to do.
The Golden Compass – Vaguely faithful but castrated version of the Philip Pullman novel. Gorgeous, but somewhat empty.
COMING SOON
Cloverfield - Monster movie from Lost director J J Abrams. Be warned, it's not Godzilla and the monster's only visible for 3 and a half minutes...
If the line-up looks a bit drab, don't worry, there are PLENTY of great movies coming out in 2008. This will be a great year for superheroes, monsters, and heroes.
The Writers Guild of America strike has finally taken its first victim. The eagerly awaited Justice League movie has been officially put on hold, until the whole strike action has been resolved.
Right now, it all looks like it's going to go on for some time as no one is backing down and the studios, knowing they can't finish their shows for this year, are cancelling everything. That way they'll save millions of dollars.
So don't expect any new shows for the rest of 2008. If we're lucky, we might see shows starting again for the 2009 season (that's starting Autum 2008), and right now, that's if we're lucky.
I have a sneaky suspicion that all will be sorted come Spring. Why the writers can't just go back to work - they've lost more now than they'll ever make back. I'd not be surprised to see them working at Burger King this summer...
Anyway, the TV studio hasn't bothered to release the cast list for Justice League, so we'll all just have to wait now.
By the way. the movie's scheduled for a release in 2010.
If you really cared. Which, at this point, I don't suppose you really do.
And I don't blame you.
Striking sucks!
It's been a long time coming, and, quite frankly, it needn't have bothered.
The story begins fifteen years after Terminator 2 with Sarah Connor and her fifteen year old son, John, still on the run from the machinations of future-based super computer Skynet. It wisely ignores the third movie entirely, which is about the best thing about this pilot episode.
What the show has, and in droves, is lots of explosions, guns, time travel, and action, but what it badly needs is a decent storyline.
Right now it's a cheap and rather drab version of the movies. The fact that it's the Terminator kept me watching through the pilot 45 minutes, but whether it can continue to do so week after week is the main question. It's smaller in every way, it's obvious, it's loud, and it's predictable. Dream sequences are obvious beyond words, and the bad guys couldn't be more obvious if they had BAD GUY marked over their heads in pink neon.
So, devoid of style, sophistication, or an intelligent storyline, can this series succeed? In the vein of The Bionic Woman, and Flash Gordon, it's nothing new or particularly interesting. It's another watered-down remake that never should have happened.
But can it turn around?
I'll be watching the next episode, but unless things take a major turn for the better, this is one show that should be terminated.
See what I did there?
It's here. The trailer no one's particularly been waiting for.
It is just me or is does this look just a tiny bit pants?
Attention! You won’t like this movie if you:
• Have locked your inner child away in an iron maiden
• Hate Disney / cartoons / song and dance numbers
• Hate anything cute
If you are any of the above, skip past this review – there’s nothing to see here. I’m sure I’ll be doing a review of 101 Cat Massacres sometime in 2008.
But for now, Disney’s latest movie release is Enchanted, the tale of Giselle (Amy Adams), a maiden seeking her one true love in the cartoon land of Andalasia. When she meets her prince, she is destined to be married, only her betrothed, Prince Edward (James Marsden) has a wicked mother mother – the dragon Queen Narissa (Susan Sarandon) – who has other plans about Edward's future. She tricks Giselle into falling down a hole into a strange and terrible land – our world.
There, the naive and confused Giselle meets Robert Philip (Patrick Dempsey), who takes her in as Giselle searches for her one true love in a strange and unfamiliar land where everything isn’t quite as simple as things were in Andalasia. From movie to live action (and back again), the story is a cross between Snow White and Pretty Woman and builds nicely to its spectacular confrontation of good over evil, with a nice twist along the way.
Enchanted is very bright and colourful, with some wonderful songs. Amy Adams is wonderful as Giselle, as is all the cast, with particular nod to Susan Sarandon as the exceptionally camp Evil Queen.
I’ll make no bones about this one: I LOVED this movie. It’s magical and filled with hope and positive messages. It’s a world I wish we lived in, where everyone is simple, uncomplicated, and where you can tell the good guys from the bad.
Overall: 9/10. Enchanting. I’s a movie that starkly contrasts today’s doom and gloom movies by declaring that dreams can come true. It may seem impossible in today’s horrendously bleak world, but Enchanted says that by being true to yourself, anything is possible.
And I’d rather like to believe that.
It's amazing how far a little (or rather, a lot) or marketing can go these days. And, like the Duracell Bunny, it's amazing how far a little story will go...
Will Smith is the last man on Earth after the world has been devastated by a virus that has transformed the population into a combination of monstrous vampires and the zombies from 28 Days Later. It's an of action movie (of sorts) based on the book by Richard Matheson
This is an odd movie, while it's graphically impressive and a ruined and deserted New York City looks fantastic, its yet another movie that suffers from little more than eye candy and no substance.
What the trailers and the millions of dollars worth of (very well spent) advertising don't tell you is how very slow it is. It's 90 minutes of stunning looking locations, Smith looking woefully into the camera, and not a lot else...There are references to god and religion, which, like The Golden Compass, were glossed over with barely a mention.
Oh, and it's also confusing. Any movie that requires an FAQ to explain it afterwards hasn't been particularly well made. There are lots of scenes that aren't properly explained (is Neville going mad, are things happening for real?) and some parts are just bizarre.
I Am Lengend was a great disappointment. While Smith is excellent, there's just not enough going on here to warrant 90 minutes.
Overall: 6.5/10. An action movie that's action-lite. Could have been so much better instead of a poorly cobbled together storyline. Rent it on DVD.
Well, my worst fears have come to pass: Peter Jackson is executive producer on The Hobbit.
What this means is the movie will look fantastic, but that Beorn will be a cross-dressing misogynist, and Bilbo's will have love interest by means of an elfin maiden called Doris... They Dwarves will go on the quest to kill the dragon, all the while agonising over their inner actors - I mean angst.
All rather depressing stuff.
Still, it could be worse; it could have been Michael Bay directing...
NEW THIS WEEK
ENCHANTED. When Disney characters find their way into our world, things take a turn for the worse for them - but hugely amusing for us. Brilliant stuff.
MR MAGORIUM'S WONDER EMPORIUM. Starring: Dustin Hoffman, Natalie (Oh Anakin, your lightsaber is so big!) Portman - will this movie be any good? Computer says no, but let's be open-minded enough to take a look and find out. Or we could just catch up on all the movies we've not yet seen...
STILL TO SEE
30 DAYS OF NIGHT - Vampires in the night-drenched town of Barrow, Alaska. Just go and see it already!
BEE MOVIE - It's a movie about a bee. What more can you possibly want out of life? They make honey and stuff!
BEOWULF - Fighting, monsters, and a naked (Computer Generated) ANGELINA JOLIE. I can't see the downside here.
RATATOUILLE - Very funny movie about a rat who wants to become a chef.
STARDUST - Robert De Niro, Michelle Pfeiffer, Claire Danes, star in this magical action adventure about love, life, and black magic. Far better than anything Pirates of the Caribbean could muster this decade.
THE GOLDEN COMPASS - Faithful(ish) adaptation of Philip Pullman's novel and a fun adventure across alternate reality Oxford.
SEE ONLY IF YOU HAVE TO…
ALVIN AND THE CHIPMUNKS - I have nothing to say about this one. In fact, I feel dirty just mentioning it.
THE SANTA CLAUSE 3 - THE ESCAPE CLAUSE - This should have been called the Lost Cause - because it's so utterly crap. Tim Allen, what were you thinking? Oh yes, the sack of cash... I forgot.
FRED CLAUS - Starring: Vince Vaughan, Kevin Spacey - this movie really should never have been made - but, being Christmas, people will go see it anyway.
HITMAN - Computer game to a movie no one particularly cares about. This movie should have a silent "S" at the front of its name.
SHROOMS - crummy magic mushroom-themed horror flick starring no one you'll ever have heard of and which has the most unlikeable characters ever. Do they all die? Who cares!
Here'a a great comic strip featuring all the Doctors from Doctor Who.
It's currently in the process of being coloured, but is well worth a look.
There are other movies around, I think, but it's The Golden Compass that you should be seeing. you've already seen the first five minutes, now what more of an incentive do you need?
OK, in case you can't stomach Lyra's adventures on Old Oxford, there's also:
NEW THIS WEEK
Bee Movie - animated movie about a bee. The clue's in the title. This isn't Catchphrase, you know!
Fred Claus - seasons cheer with the dysfunctional Claus family
ALSO PLAYING
30 Days of Night - still worth seeing: Vampires - tick. Gorefest - tick
Beowulf - nudity galore - tick
Ratatouille - a rat with big dreams in Paris
That's about it for this week. But who cares? The Golden Compass is out! It's the next best thing to Harry Potter. Snatch up your Alethiometer and get down to the movies at once.
I'm not quite sure where this season has gone. It's episode 11 and the season finale. Will there be more episodes? Possibly - the writers' strike has killed off chances for further episodes - but I can't say I'm overly worried.
Why? Because it's quite clear that Heroes peaked with season 1 and, after 11 episodes of season 2, there's not a lot of signs that it can make a comeback. The show has definitely lost its way. While it still has some exciting moments, the sparkle of season 1 has long gone, and even the actors seem to be plodding through the episodes.
Heroes suffered primarily from trying to divide its screen time among far too many characters. There were too many annoying or pointless new ones, and existing characters were relegated to the back burner for a large number of episodes. I still can't think of a reason why Nichelle Nichols (Star Trek's Uhura) makes an appearance, or why her family was added to the show. It's yet another set of characters to water down the storyline and to make the show limp feebly along.
There is a main storyline in season 2, or rather, I think there is. But it's hard to tell as it ambles along and has none of the emotion or emphasis of its freshman year. It's at best a collection of vaguely related storylines and inconsistent characters doing bizarre things without any discernible motive or reason.I can't say too much (for fear of spoilers), but the season finale was just one more in a long line of hugely contrived episodes. Logic, emotion, and family values have gone out the window and characters are following perplexing agendas as though they were stripped of reason and commanded to act against their will by a higher power. That said, everything is wrapped up in this episode and there's a great (but not unexpected) twist at the end.
There are still some great points in the show, and this is definitely a FAR better finale than the one at the end of season 1, but the show's flagging and needs to be put to bed with stiff hot toddy and told to come back downstairs when its really thought about what its done.
Hopefully next year, we'll see a return to form for the superhero show we all know and love, but for now, Heroes is exactly like the season finale's namesake: Powerless.
You can now see the first five minutes of The Golden Compass (in glorious HD if you like) by visiting the following link:
The Golden Compass - First Five Minutes
What do you think? I thought it was pretty interesting and looked very stylish.
Guess we'll find out more in a few days.
Remember I talked about Tin Man - Sci-Fi Channel's exciting new TV miniseries based on The Wizard of Oz, back in October?
Anyway, I was pretty critical of it in my preview - and I was spot on the money. It's as dire as I said it was going to be. Worserer even! Don't believe me? Here's what the press said about it:
USA Today started the bitchfest with: Tin Man is simply too long, too grim and too determined to impose a Lord of the Rings universe-saving quest on top of a simpler, gentler story.
The New York Times continues the offensive: A sonorous dungeons-and-dragons affair that seems at every moment to call attention to its epicness. It runs over three nights and is too long by a few hours.
The Chicago Sun-Times lays a smackdown: The dialogue is utilitarian, except when it's "Dungeons and Dragons" cliche, like: "We're travelers of the realms seeking a warm meal and a cold cup of grog. ... May your hearth be warm." Puke. ... At six hours, it feels four hours too long. So if you're interested, record it and watch it on fast-forward. You can hit pause for the evil flying monkey boobs.
But it gets worse...
The San Diego Union-Tribune isn't impressed: The only magical thing about “Tin Man” is its amazing ability to make six hours pass like six days. … Neither the scripts nor the colorless directing do the actresses any favors, but without an empathetic heroine to love and a fire-breathing villainess to loathe, “Tin Man” is just a rattletrap special-effects vehicle on its way to nowhere. Feel free to let it wheeze on down the road without you.
The San Jose Mercury News was not amused: There is a distinct lack of emotional oomph emanating from this dark, disjointed and humorless miniseries, which too often seems preoccupied with special-effects magic and oh-aren't-we-clever twists on Baum's characters. As a result, you might want to take a pass on this particular Oz fest. …
And lastly, The Boston Globe didn't hold back: A dour retelling of the L. Frank Baum story, and it just keeps sinking further and further into pointless thematic complexity and visual density. A test of viewer endurance, this effects-bound miniseries is a hollow tin man in need of a beating heart.
Guess they didn't like it, then!
Told you so!
I just wonder how this crap gets made. Obviously the Sci-Fi Channel has more money than sense.
Good news! The Golden Compass isn't as dumbed-down as I first thought it would be. I saw the final trailer (before the December 5th release date) today and - lo and behold - the Golden Compass was referred to as an Alethiometer (instead of the utterly dumbed-down Golden Compass). Hurrah! We Brits could cope with the Philosopher's Stone in Harry Potter; we sure as hell can get our mouth around an Alethiometer as well.
The critics have panned the movie as a soulless version of the books. But they always do that. They fail to realise these movies are targetted at children - because they are children's books!
Personally, I don't care what the critics think. There's still hope for this movie yet!
It's nearly the holiday season (I'll be saying that with ever increasing frequency over the next few weeks) and these are the movies out now and coming soon!
NEW THIS WEEK
STILL TO SEE
COMING UP
We really are spoiled for choice this holiday season (see, I said it again - there's a bit of symmetry for you!).
Well that was a bit of a damp squib, wasn't it?
The penultimate episode of Heroes season 2 (maybe all we get this year with the Writers' Strike still in full force) was not impressive, interesting, or even particularly well written.
It was a collection of poorly realised stories and ridiculously contrived character plots (the lost comics storyline in particular - you know the one I mean...). There's none of the impact of the first season and the whole 'we need to save the earth' is extremely lame to the point that even the actors seem to be going through the motions.
They seemed to be fitting weeks worth of stories into just one episode - which didn't work. Why do we have to have a huge season cliffhanger? Just round it off nicely and let us wait patiently for the rest of the season.
My main criticism of Heroes is that there are too many characters and the main ones just don't get enough screen time, but I don't mind that because Hiro's storylines this year have been dreary and it feels as though the characters are struggling to find a decent storyline.
I honestly feel the show has lost its way and needs a good rest - maybe that way director Tim Kring can regroup his writers and make the show as fresh as it was in season 1. Or, with plummeting ratings, maybe the show will be cancelled.
I'll be happy either way.
Toyfare magazine chats with Justin Marks about his vision for the upcoming movie He-Man. Here's a snippet.
TOYFARE: How did you get involved with writing the He-Man script?
JUSTIN MARKS: He-Man came about as a result of a mutual collaboration with [co-screenwriter] Neil Ellice and the guys at Silver Pictures. We came together and married a take that we all really loved and that we felt would be true to Eternia for the first time. And we campaigned and pushed-everything short of getting on my hands and knees begging-for Mattel to hear it, and they did. We got in the room and we basically spoke through not only one movie, but three movies, all the way down through our dreams for the titles for the second and thrid movies and which characters appeared when.
TOYFARE: Do you think the public is going to have a hard time accepting He-Man as an action hero?
JUSTIN MARKS: A lot of people think of He-Man and they think of that guy with the bob haircut and the Arnold Schwarzenegger archetype and laugh him off, but those of us who grew up on him, we don't laugh about He-Man at all. There are great ideas in there that we've never seen on film... and hopefully we soon will.
TOYFARE: Is he still going to be called He-Man?
JUSTIN MARKS: [Laughs] We're doing something very interesting with that. But... yeah. Obviously you can't make a He-Man movie and be afraid of the word "He-Man." You have to get into there. But I think fans will be very pleased when they see how "He-Man" is spoken.
TOYFARE: Do you have a villain yet?
JUSTIN MARKS: Oh, it's a Skeletor movie. Obviously we can only speak in broad strokes, but how about this? Thus far, at least, there are no invented new characters plopped into it-and if we and Mattel have our way there will never be. We're talking about the He-Man mythology. So what we're talking about doing, in the same way as Batman Begins, we're going back to the original thing, let's build it from the ground up again. How can we find our way in? How can we jump into Adam's life at an interesting point where new audiences will respect him? It's an Adam origin story, and it's a Skeletor origin story. We want to see where both of them come from and how they got that way. If we don't see the humanity and the truth in what Skeletor's trying to do, then the story's not compelling.
TOYFARE: How are you going to incorporate all the... let's say disparate elements of the He-Man mythology?
JUSTIN MARKS: He-Man is sword-and-sandals meets science fiction. If you avoid it and just try to make it sword and sandals, then it becomes a boring movie. If you just try to make it science fiction, it's going to be really kitschy and weird, and it's not going to be true to He-Man. You have to make it both. So we have to come up with specific ideas, grounded, that would spawn a world that was people carrying around swords, and yet, guys like Tri-Klops running around with his spinning visor and this sort of nano-technological way about him. What is the sorcery that can create stuff like that?
TOYFARE: So you're really sticking fairly closely to the original world?
JUSTIN MARKS: There's some stuff going around... we should clear that up. There's some rumor spreading that he's a soldier in the Iraqi war. Where did they get that? This is an Eternian movie and it's a story about an Eternian hero. We're not going to Earth, here. We're not going to the modern world. We're not going to a strip mall in the Valley. [Laughs] By the way, I think there are really great things about the original Masters of the Universe.
TOYFARE: What kind of questions?
JUSTIN MARKS: If you remember, He-Man [toys], very early on, had two halves of the sword-Skeletor had half, He-Man had half and you could clip them together. And that was discarded by the cartoon. And I'm not sure if I can tell you but we finally got the answer to [why there are two halves], because it'll be something that I think can affect the movie.
TOYFARE: So Mattel has been pretty helpful to work with, then?
JUSTIN MARKS: Mattel has been really great when we say, "Look, we need something for this scene, something along the lines of this." And they usually have stuff in their library that's like, "No, it should be like this," and we're like, "Great!" So it's been really fan-friendly in that regard. When this movie comes out-and hopefully some day it will, because things look really stacked in its favor after Transformers-people will watch this movie and say, "I can't believe it took this long for a He-Man movie to get to the screen," because of how naturally the original material suits itself to a great, Lord of the Rings-scale-and yet high-tech-cool movie.
You can pick up a copy of Toyfare magazine today to read the complete interview.
I have some comments, though. How many ways, exactly, are there of saying "He-man", how will people be surprised here? I have no problems with He-Man, after all, that is his name. Putting a spin on that seems a bit odd.
At least it'll be Skeletor and Eternia - which, I suppose, is something.
Who doesn't want to see a big budget Justice League of America movie? (apart from the people who just said "huh?" or "what?" or, even better, "Who?")
Ever since Tom Welling and cast provided the seeds for the idea in season 6 of Smallville (entitled Justice) we've all been secretly salivating at the idea.
For months the casting world has been rampant with speculation on who will play the members of the Justice League - and now we're only a week away from the answer. The cast has now been confirmed, contracts signed and secrecy sworn. But come next week, we'll know who's playing Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, and others... (no one cares about them anyway).
As for the casting, personally, I'm hoping for new actors for the main roles - preferably someone not famous. I can't see anyone in the title role of Superman - not even Tom Welling. He's an OK actor, but I'm looking for more from my Man of Steel. I think Christian Bale's Batman is too dark, too gritty. His world doesn't feel like a world filled with superheroes, gods, and mystical beings.
So for once - I pray the studios avoid the big names and go for the right actor (they won't of course). I want a cartoon world brought to life, not some real world mundanity from the limited imagination of director George Miller - whose previous attempts have involved Babe: Pig in the City and the funny, but somewhat dreary Happy Feet.
With Miller at the helm, this could be a sack of crap before it's even begun.
Rumours have it that the story will involve the Justice League dealing with the death of Superman at the hands of the super powerful Doomsday. Could it be true? Well, the movie's not out until 2010, so there's plenty of time for that to change beforehand.
More news on the cast when I have it.
Out this weekend is Planet Terror - the second part of the much discussed Grindhouse two parter. Split up from it's brother, Death Proof (which was released earlier in the year), this is a movie about zombies invading a small town in America. Starring Rose McGowen (from Charmed) who's a sexy but down on her luck stripper, the movie has a great cast, is fast paced and is, above all else, very funny. You should definitely give this movie a look.
Coming next weekend (16th November) is the movie Beowulf - the animated movie about the warrior of the same name who is destined to slay the monster Grendel. As with all animated movies, there is a cast of high-profile actors associated with it: Ray Winston as Beowulf, Anthony Hopkins as Hrothgar, John Malkovich as Unferth. And, of course, Angelina Jolie as Grendel's Mother (she gets everywhere these days).
You can see Beowulf at IMAX - which, I've been told, is the best way to see it - in 3D. Although sitting for 90 minutes with those huge black specs on seems a bit weird to me. The 3d stuff always seems to be purely for titillation - I can't imagine being engrossed in a movie with 3d glasses on. But I'll go see it next weekend and see if the movie proves me wrong.
Lastly, coming very soon (7th December) is the Golden Compass. I've already talked about this quite a bit but I hope they remain truthful to Philip Pullman's novels and don't Hollywood-ise it entirely (it's an alethiometer)! More on this in December.
I'll be doing a movies to see over the Christmas / New Year period later in November, as there are so many great movies being released this year (Fred Claus notwithstanding).
I've got a question: the Writers' Strike is affecting television episodes for 2008 and I'm left wondering why. Surely they production companies have got all their episodes written for next year? After all, they've only got a few months to get them filmed as the season ends in the middle of the year.
If the preparation for each episode takes months, why is the strike affecting the 2008 show lineup?
Do production companies work only a few months in advance? Are scripts finished just weeks before production?
Either way, it seems a bit bizarre that the Strike is leaving TV companies high and dry.
Anyone know the answer?
So the American Writers' Association is griping because its members are not getting paid for new sources of downloads (such as when you download a TV episode via itunes). And so, like any sensible and good natured organisation - they're striking. This means that the latest episodes of your favourite shows may not air this year.
I find this beyond ludicrous - hmm - need to invent a new word to describe that one. Quite simply because there are tens of thousands of fantastic writers out there who would kill to be a part of these shows. Smallville, Lost, Heroes - the TV studios need never be short of scripts - they could open the doors to the world, hire a handful of people to read them and go from there. I'm sure they'd save a sack of cash in the process.
Of course, I live in a rose-tinted world and such an idea is, of course, impossible. But it would be nice to think there are people who could inject far more life into these often hackeneyed and endlessly repeated shows than the current group of writers.
And yet these people are striking over something as trivial as this when they already get paid tens of thousands of dollars for every script they produce.
Crazy world, isn't it?
I'm going to start reviewing TV shows that I watch, mostly for more experience in the mystical art of reviewing (every little helps, right?).
I figured I'd do Heroes, Smallville, and probably something from the new shows (maybe even Desperate Housewives) - I've got pretty varied taste in shows, so it could be fun.
I was watching last week's Stargate Atlantis and saw it was called Tabula Rasa (blank slate). I immediately shuddered. Why do these shows have only six episode types? Why can't they make new - fresh - ones? You're guaranteed in a show like Stargate to have a body swapping episode, a 'we've lost our memories' episode, a 'someone's been captured' episode.
yawn, Yawn, YAWN!
And these are the very same writers who are complaining about getting more cash for internet downloads! I'm sick of their tired and hackneyed writing; there's no need for these episodes.
And while I'm on a TV rant about Stargate Atlantis, it's the same writers who made sweeping changes to the cast, citing it was the best way to stir up the show and to revitalise it. If you feel the characters haven't got any interesting stories - then whose fault is that? Certainly not the actors.
In summary: we need more innovation in our TV shows. Less body swapping and more unique stories. Fire all these crappy writers are get some fresher, new ones. 'cos the ones they're using are clearly broken.
Is there a 12 month guarantee? Can we take them back to the shop for a refund?
The new trailer has been seen for the movie with no (formal) name. While this trailer is still "secret", here's the lowdown.
It's filmed almost entirely in super shakey-cam (motion sickness ahoy!) with lots of Army people battling a huge monster that no one can make out (surprise!). We know there's a huge monster and lots of little ones, which still doesn't rule out any of the previous ideas that it could be Godzilla, or Cthulhu, or, well - anything, really.
Personally, I'm getting a bit bored with all the hype surrounding Cloverfield. Just release the damn name of the movie already so we can decide for ourselves whether we want to be excited about it or not.
Chances are, with thus much hype. We won't.
Woah, this looks like it's shaping up to be a grrrreat movie!
I Am Legend, Will Smith + Zombies = Kickass horror action movie.
The film is released on the 14th of December in the US, and, unsurprisingly, a couple of weeks later in the UK on the 4th of January 2008.The sign of a good show is when you don't want each episode to end, where you're yearning for the next one and every week seems like an eternity*. I can only think of a handful of shows like that in recent memory.
I think Heroes season 2 is, if anything, even better than the first. Now the characters are established, there's no need for complex introductions or boring scene-setting. The action started from the very first moments and things seem stronger than ever.
It's been a long time since I've watched a show as much fun and as clever as Heroes.
If you're not watching it, there are regular catch-ups on Cable.
It's funny how a sci-fi show which actually has very few powers (or sci-fi elements) in it has captured the hearts of the nation so quickly. But with characters like Hiro and Mr Bennet, its easy to see why.
*Sorry about that - I was just being melodramatic.
I know it's wrong to prejudge something, but the Wizard of Oz reimagining made by the Sci-Fi Channel is just bizarre.
It's (oddly) called Tin Man and is supposed to be a stylish, sexy, and action-packed mini series.
It just looks like a by-the-numbers fantasy show to me.
Anyway, watch the short trailer for yourself.
All I know is that if I hear anyone else referring to OZ as "the O.Z." I will go postal! Twice in that trailer was more than enough for one lifetime. In fact, the first time was annoying enough.
With fantastic fantasy like Discworld coming out (from the same people that made the wonderful Hogfather), even if this is rubbish we'll still be spoiled for great fantasy this winter.
As I said, it's wrong to prejudge something solely on the trailer. But Flash Gordon was really crappy and that was a formula REALLY HARD to ruin.
I really hope I'm wrong here.
Heroes: I don't need to say a great deal, do I? Heroes has taken the world by storm and shows no signs of losing super speed. The new season has just started in America and is set to thrill audiences the world over with more superpowered shenanigans. Let's just hope it's not another Lost where it loses steam and collapses in a heap of its own watered-down characters and endlessly drawn out storylines.
House: Now in its fourth season, British actor Hugh Laurie plays Gregory House, the irrascible Diagnostician in this compelling and often very funny medical drama. Utterly addictive, if only to see what sarcastic put-down House will say next to his team, his patients, or to anyone else who crosses his path.
Dexter: A complex and very clever drama, Dexter is a murderer who murders the vile and the wicked.
Ugly Betty: Funny, sensitive, and very clever, Ugly Betty is one of the comedy shows not to be missed.
Prison Break: With three seasons stretched out of one, this should could be losing its magic. But there's still an interesting story going on that makes this show vital watching.
Bionic Woman: This updated and revamped version of the 80's TV show has only seen one episode on TV so it's still too early to tell. It's slickly made and the first episode sets things up nicely for a great series.
There you go. Now there's no excuse to go outside. Or even to get up off the couch!
And there's even less of an excuse to moan that there's nothing on TV any more.
Big News! After almost thirty years away from our screens, Hammer Horror is making a new movie - their first since 1979's The Lady Vanishes. The new title is called Beyond the Rave and is a vampire story set in London's rave underground. It stars Sadie Frost and features Ingrid Pitt in a cameo role.
Beyond the Rave - see what they did there? Its a vampire movie called Beyond the Rave...
Anyway, on the subject of Hammer Horror, I bought the Hammer Horror Collection from HMV the other day. It's a 21 disk set of the most popular Hammer Horror movies of all time. With an R.R.P. of £149.99, it's on sale at the moment for just £40. Bargain!
I know someone out there will be very excited about this movie, coming February 2008.
The Spiderwick Chronicles is an excellent set of books; wonderfully illustrated and lots of fun. Starring the truly awesome child-actor Freddie Highmore (Charlie and the Chocolate Factory), it's going to be a fun movie.
See the website at: http://www.spiderwickchronicles.com/ - there's even a large trailer to whet your appetite.
Who needs Harry Potter?
OK. OK! I take that back about Harry Potter!
I didn't mean it and I'm very sorry...
When people speak to Uwe Boll's upcoming movie, Postal, they do one of two things.
1. They speak of it as though they've seen it.
2. They slag it off (because it's a Boll movie).
They usually do both, in fact, and the words "Boll" and "Crap" are usually mentioned somewhere in the sentence dismissively slagging off the movie because, well, because it's fun to slag off Uwe Boll!
BUT dismiss this movie at your peril, for if you can look past the Boll Bashing that's oh-so-very-popular in the world today, you'll find there's an irreverent, witty, cleverly written, and funny movie here.
Postal is based on the 1997 computer game of the same name, and features the Postal Dude (Zack Ward), an out of work and out of luck guy in the inappropriately named town of Paradise. Desperate to make a living, he reluctantly schemes with his Uncle Dave to steal the latest shipment of Krotchy Dolls (the latest craze sweeping the nation: a doll in the shape of a penis). Armed with a bunch of Dave's bimbos, they scheme to obtain the plush willies from the heavily guarded store before the dolls go on sale.
Only the Taliban has set up shop in Paradise, and they want to destroy the town. Their leader, Osama bin Laden features, making calls to President Bush as though they're old school pals.
The movie starts with the destruction of the World Trade Centre; pretty shocking stuff to be sure. But it's the undertones of the movie that are important. Because there's a message running throughout! It's an ironic, irreverent, and amusing movie and I've not seen anyone yet speak of the moral message which runs through the end of this movie (that we have the power to do make great changes to our lives yet we choose to do nothing and to ignore all the injustice that's happening around us).
Sadly, most people won't get that message. They won't understand how the World Trade Centre scene could be anything other than offensive (rather than it being a sad indictment on our society); they'll just see a rubbish movie.
But as I said before: Postal is an intelligent movie; there's a lot going on under the hood. You just have to be open-minded enough to look for it.
Overall: 8/10 - of a similar vein to Borat (but much funnier).Very funny and oh-so-controversial. Guaranteed to offend the small-minded who just see a movie trying to offend.
Paramount have finally put up an Iron Man trailer. You can see it in all its glory by clicking here.
Enjoy.
Isn't it weird how superheroes and comic book characters have alliterative names? Peter Parker, J. Jonah Jameson, Susan Storm, Reed Richards, Lois Lane, Lex Luthor. There's even one in Iron Man: Pepper Potts.
Strange, innit?
It's probably one of those weird naming policies we'll never understand.
Anyway, Iron Man is released in May 2008.
Here's another movie trailer - this time for Dungeon Siege: In the Name of the King.
Come on, it doesn't look at all bad, does it?
Just a note to everyone who has already voted on the Uwe Boll Bashing on IMDB in the past 24 hours. We've already managed to raise the ratings of these films by a few points.
But please, it's not enough. I firmly believe NO MOVIE deserves a 1/10 rating (just as very few deserve 10/10).
So we can do more. Please get your friends to vote, get them to sign up. IMDB is the largest and most influential movie website in the world. If they choose to cheat by allowing people to vote who've not seen a movie, then with your help, we can turn the tables on this injustice.
So, thanks for voting, and if you haven't. Please do!
Again, the links are below.
As you know, I interviewed movie director Uwe Boll yesterday for Shivers Magazine (I'm not sure if I've mentioned that enough yet).
Now, what you might not know is the hideous amount of Boll Bashing that's prevalent on the internet. It's become a phenomenon - people slag off his movies without even seeing them.
Now, everyone is allowed to make mistakes. It would be remiss of us to deny any artist the chance to evolve, and there's no wisdom in prejudging anything without first seeing it.
But there's a total lack of respect where Uwe Boll is concerned, and this is most manifest on IMDB.
You can only normally vote for a movie on IMDB when the movie sees general release. But for Uwe Boll - the rules have changed. Someone at IMDB must have a vendetta against Uwe, because the voting for ALL of his movies is open (despite the fact that Seed has only been shown at select pre-screenings around the world). Only a few thousand people have seen this movie, yet IMDB is allowing this injustice to continue and allowing people to ignorantly vote on it.
Yet neither movies are on general release. It's the same with his $60 million winter blockbuster Dungeon Siege, over two and a half thousand votes, and only a handful of people have seen it. The pre-screenings haven't even been sent out!
So, while I've written to IMDB to demand they show some fairness and to close the voting on Uwe Boll's movies, we can do something about this voting.
Go to IMDB, take a few short minutes to create an account, and give these movies a fair score.
Oh, sod that, please go and give them all 10/10. It doesn't hurt you at all and it will balance out those dismal scores given by people who have no opinion of their own and mindlessly follow the herd (shamefully, I know there are people who read this site who speak and act in exactly the same way).
This is your chance to make a difference. All this negativity hurts. Just take a few mins to register to IMDB, vote on those new movies with a whopping score, and do something to address all this negatvity in the world.
After all, even if you hated the Mona Lisa, you wouldn't tell Da Vinci (if he were alive) that it was a disgusting piece of sh!t and that he deserves to die / be flogged / should never make any more art.
Thanks to everyone who votes!
Today was probably the best day of FrightFest. Saw three really fun movies: Botched, Postal, and Seed (well, all except Seed which was bloody, dark, and ultra violent).
Botched was an off-the-wall comedy horror slasher that really made me laugh. A rubbish thief (Stephen Dorff)
Postal was Uwe Boll's political and highly controversial comedy. It was also really, really funny.
Seed was Uwe Boll's dark and highly disturbing horror movie about the human psyche (and a madman). It was gritty, very bleak and inwardly looking (which is exactly what it was intended to be).
Finally, I got to spend two hours interviewing "the most hated and controversial director in history" Uwe Boll, finding out about his life, his passions, and pretty much anything one person can ask another in two hours.
Find out more about my interview later in the week. I think you'll find it fascinating.
Or better still, read the full interview in Shivers Magazine in a month or so.
The scares come to an end tomorrow with the final day of FrightFest. I will be seeing The Zombie Diaries and taking part in the Zombie Walk. Did they break the world record?
Find out tomorrow.
Day two of FrightFest was absolutely no different to day one. More movies, more excitement, more enthusiasm, and, well, more of yesterday, really.
Today I saw The Sword Bearer and 1408. As always, reviews to follow, but I can't help but be insanely disappointed. The Sword Bearer was exceptionally weak, and if that's what consitutes a Russian blockbuster, then I can only wonder at what kind of movies the Russians are used to seeing. Devoid of story, budget, or meaning, I give The Sword Bearer a shabby 3 out of 10.
And 1408 didn't fare much better. It might have been the biggest grossing Stephen King movie in America, but I can only assume that people haven't seen proper reviews before going to see it on the King name alone, as the movie is hackeneyed, predictable, and simply dreary. The opening is brilliant; the way the story layers until the lead character gets to Room 1408 is exceptional, with wonderful performances from Samuel L. Jackson and John Cusak. But the story is dreary (did I say that yet - well it needs saying twice) and everything hangs on the double twist at the end which, unlike the Sixth Sense, is entirely devoid of suprises. I give it a watered-down 5 out of 10.
So, very disappointed in both movies. The only thing shocking about both movies was that they were both so bad.
Still, there's always tomorrow, with comedy slasher - Botched, controversial 911 mockfest Postal, and Uwe Boll's latest horror flick, Seed.
They're cutting it pretty fine with a December release, but we finally have an Aliens vs. Predator: Requriem trailer.
It looks as if the Aliens crash land in a small American town and the Predators quickly follow for an extra-terrestrial scap-a-thon. Aliens versus Predators with the hapless humans sandwiched in between them.
Visit the movie site, and download the trailer by going to the AVP website at: www.avp-r.com.
But BE WARNED, the trailer is the goriest I've ever seen, so please don't download if you're of a nervous disposition...
The movie is out on December 25th 2007 - not a bad Christmas present!
Day One of FrightFest is now over and what a day it's been.
I saw Black Sheep, a fantastic movie by up and coming director Jonathan King which was very dark, very gory, and very funny. It's about were-sheep and includes just about every sheep joke ever.
Tomorrow is Russian blockbuster The Sword Bearer and Stephen King scare-a-thon 1408. Was also going to watch P2, but apparently the movie didn't arrive in time, so they're showing - well - it's almost too rude to say.
OK, I'll tell you (as you're clearly all grown ups). It's an as yet unreleased movie called Teeth - which is about a woman who has teeth in her, well, you can imagine *winks*.
So, there you go. The start of FrightFest has been excellent - fanastic atmosphere and a lot of audience appreciation. What I noticed is how much more you appreciate the art of movie-making when you gather with 1000 people who love movies.
Apart from the crazy man who sat beside me for the first movie and behind me for the second. He fidgetted through the first movie and coughed at me through the second - it was lovely...
As always, reviews to follow come the middle of the week.
This is, of course, Robby the Robot, famous for early sci-fi classic Forbidden Planet.
Stand him on guard in your front porch and he'll scare the burglars away (unless they're incredibly geeky and came simply to steal him - which is highly likely as he's so incredibly pricey).
He's mechanical, hand-crafted. He lights up, and does all kinds of nifty things. Sadly, unlike the movie, he does not drink gin and transmute it into diamonds.
That would be something to see, though.
I said I'd mention Monday's Zombie Walk. So it's not for everyone, but here's the lowdown.
To celebrate the first screening of UK based zombie flick The Zombie Diaries, the clever promotions people have organised a zombie walk before the movie on Monday 27th August 2007 at Leicester Square.But I have no idea of what this Zombie Walk thing is, I hear you cry.
Well, fear not. Because a zombie walk is exactly what it sounds like. You get dressed up as a zombie and you make a short walk across London from one tube station to another (taking great care not to scare the living bejeebies out of the mortals around you).
And that's about. I'll be going - so expect lots of gruesome pictures on Tuesday.
You can go see The Zombie Diaries at FrightFest, details below... Or visit their website: www.frightfest.co.uk
All that needs to be said now is, where's my ketchup?
Find out more at the Zombie Walk Myspace Page: http://www.myspace.com/zombiewalkuk
And find out more about The Zombie Diaries at their website: http://www.thezombiediaries.co.uk/walk.htm
It'll soon be FrightFest time again. For those of you who don't know, FrightFest is a five day horrorthon at London's Leicester Square Odeon. This year they are showing twenty seven horror/fantasy and those-that-can't-make-their-mind-up-what-they-are movies.
This year's highlights are:
Black Sheep - Australian black comedy about killer sheep (no, really!)
1408 - Terrifying movie about a journalist who seeks proof of the afterlife. Does he find what he's looking for when he stays at Room 1408, and, never mind staying the night! Can he survive just one hour...?
Joshua - Creepy movie about Joshua and his dysfunctional family. But, just who, or what, is Joshua? Supernatural being, or moody pre-teen with attitude? Find out at FrightFest
Postal - Super Controversial director Ewe Boll (and currently my favourite director - for sheer underdog status) returns for his most shocking picture ever - a movie mocking the actions of 911. Ewe will not only be showing his movie, but he will be at the event to talk about Postal and his other movies.
Skinwalkers - Jason Behr's new movie about two tribes of warring werewolves.
The Zombie Diaries - not only is this the first proper showing of the UK made zombie movie, but the organisers are going for the world record Zombie Walk before the event. I'll talk more about this in a few days!
Day Watch - we all saw the original movie that, despite being translated from its native Russian, we still had no idea what was going on in this high-budget and glossy matrix wannabee vampire movie.
Find out more at: http://www.frightfest.co.uk/
Those movie moguls* in America clearly have more money than sense, for in the vein of the reimagining of '80s TV shows, they decided to work their 'magic' on Flash Gordon.
Now, it's pretty hard to go wrong with Flash Gordon. You need a gorgeous male lead, and even more gorgeouser female lead, and a tall bald (and not so gorgeous) bloke for a villain - the lovely Ming the Merciless.
You need it to be bright, colourful, and camp. It's goto to be fast-paced, brilliantly written, and full of witticisms and one-liners.
What you have instead is an overly long, badly written, action-at-a-snail's-pace ninety minute pilot of the new series. Complete with Eric Johnson (ex Smallville, season 1) as the oh-so-poorly cast Flash Gordon. You've got the not bald Ming the Merciless (with not an over the top robe anywhere in sight), and a cast-by-the-numbers Dale Arden. Oh, and a script that could have been written by preschoolers.
You can see what people are saying about the new show, which aired on Sci-Fi on Friday 9th August, by clicking on the following link: I wanna see the hate!
USA Today gives "Flash Gordon" one and a half stars and says: … Badly written, badly cast and done on the cheap in the Canadian woods, Flash is the kind of fantasy toss-off that gives sci-fi, and Sci Fi, a bad name. ...
The New York Post gives it “no stars” and says: I wish I could have been in the pitch meeting for Sci Fi's latest reincarnation of "Flash Gordon." It must have been an out of this world experience - because there's no other way this incredibly dopey series would ever have, er, gotten off the ground. … I apologize to all the Flash Gordon fans around the world ... but it's so horrible I somehow feel responsible - just by watching it.
The Boston Herald gives it a “C-plus” and says: … Johnson is wooden as Flash, and he and Dale have zero chemistry. As Ming the Merciless, Flash’s eternal nemesis, John Ralston is as terrifying as a granola bar. Sci Fi needed an actor who could project even camp menace. This guy looks as if he got lost on the way to Dunkin’ Donuts. …
The Tampa Tribune says: … Staying with this for 22 episodes will be a challenge for viewers. …
The Deseret Morning News says: … incredibly boring, unwatchable … The first time I tried to watch the 90-minute pilot of "Flash Gordon," I fell asleep. The second time, it was all I could do to keep my eyes open. And I like science fiction shows. I was sort of looking forward to this one. … Don't waste your time watching this Sci Fi Channel version of "Flash Gordon," which is just plain bad, unless you're suffering from insomnia. It might help with that.
So, it looks like Flash can't save this show from the cancelled pile...
*What is a mogul, anyway, and is it anything like an Ewok?
Well, this is a mystery and no mistake.
Cloverfield. You may have heard the name. You may even have seen the trailer, but what you won't know is anything about the movie. There's been a lot of speculation, which started a month ago, with this:
http://www.ethanhaaswasright.com/
Click NO - I Need to See the Warnings and you'll be taken to a puzzle website where every time you get a puzzle correct, you're rewarded with a short and exceedingly grainy snippet of footage. Something's coming and Ethan Haas, it seems, was right about something... But what?
Click YES and you'll be taken to a website advertising the release of a role playing game called Alpha Omega.
So, what is going on? Who is Ethan Haas and what is all this mystery surrounding the movie?
Want to see more, then check out the trailer
Still confused? So am I! Well, this movie is clearly a monster movie - but what kind of monster? Is it Godzilla or an alien parasite? Or perhaps it's something entirely different - the media is convinced it's a spin-off of a series like Lost - but I think that's highly doubtful.
Personlly, with all the H.P. Lovecraftian puzzles and the cryptic warnings in the Ethan Haas Was Right website, I'm hoping this is a movie based on the bizarre works of H.P. Lovecraft. The Cthulhu Mythos is finally coming and we're all doomed (although I fear I'm hoping for too much).
And there's more! Visit this new promo / teaser site:
http://www.1-18-08.com/ - there's not much to see, yet, but a few
photos, which you can put in order to see what is presumably some of
the cast in various stages of emotion and distress...
So, with all these websites and a definite lack of actual information, one thing is clear, the producers have this thing tightly wrapped up. And with so much speculation surrounding it, the movie world is holding its breath almost as though New York city WAS being destroyed by a hundred foot tall green monster...
I've consulted the Necronomicon and the Book of Dyzan, and even conjured my own Byakhee, but even the dark powers are strangely silent...
I guess we'll have to wait a little while longer to find out the answers to thinks man was never meant to know...
Cloverfield (real title to be confirmed) is scheduled for a worldwide release on January 18th 2008.
Until then, keep watching the stars...
I was at the cinema the other day, and every film on the board was a top-budget blockbuster.
And you'd be forgiven for thinking that that's it, that we're at the end of this year's summer blockbusters.
But you'd be wrong.
Here's a list of just some of the movies scheduled for release over the next six months. It's never been a better time to be a movie fan (especially if you're into horror). Movies below are listed in date order, and release dates could change.
STARDUST
A boy travels to a mythical world in search of the falling star that will help him win the heart of his true love. In order to find the fallen star, the boy will have to venture deep into the forbidden heart of the fantastical realm known as Stormhold. As he makes his way through Stormhold on a mission to bring the star back to Wall, he will encounter a series of spectacular characters and creatures that will lead him to a fate he never imagined.
See a Trailer: http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/stardust/
Find out More: http://www.stardustmovie.com/site.htm
Release Date: 10 August 2007 (USA) 19 October 2007 (UK)
THE INVASION
Nicole Kidman and Daniel Craig star in the science fiction action thriller "The Invasion," a remake of Invasion of the Body Snatchers… With a difference (it could be crap – apparently, various directors and a whole change of pace could make this movie rubbish indeed). Plus – Could Daniel Craig be ANY more airbrushed in the movie poster?
See a Trailer: http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/theinvasion/
Find out More: http://theinvasionmovie.warnerbros.com/
Release Date: 17 August 2007
HALLOWEEN
Movie director, musician-turned filmmaker Rob Zombie tackles the remake of the original '80s horror slasher. It'll be scary, it'll be bloody. PLUS, it's got the original music! Bonus. Tomato ketchup all round, then.
Find out More: http://www.halloween-themovie.com/
Release Date: 31 August 2007 (and not Halloween, strangely…)
1408
Based on the horror story of the same name by Stephen King, 1408 tells the tale of supernatural writer Mike Enslin, an author of two books on supernatural phenomena. As research for his latest book, Enslin is determined to stay the night in Room 1408 - in a New York City hotel with a terrible history. Hotel manager Mr. Olin has strong objections to Enslin's stay and warns him of the many deaths thaht have occurred in room 1408. But Enslin is determined to go through and convinced that the horrific past of 1408 is merely bad luck transformed into myth.
Find out More: http://www.1408-themovie.com/ (including creepy trailer)
Release Date: 13 September 2007
RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION
The third and final installment of the Resident Evil trilogy picks up where the last film left off. Alice (MILLA JOVOVICH), now in hiding in the Nevada desert, once again joins forces with Carlos Olivera (ODED FEHR) and L.J. (Mike Epps), along with new survivors Claire (Ali Larter), K-Mart (Spencer Locke) and Nurse Betty (Ashanti) to try to eliminate the deadly virus that threatens to make every human being undead...and to seek justice.
See a Trailer: Resident Evil Trailer
Find out More: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/residentevilextinction/
Release Date: 21 September 2007
30 DAYS OF NIGHT
Set in the isolated town of Barrow, Alaska, in the extreme northern hemisphere, which is plunged into complete darkness annually for an entire month. When most of the inhabitants head south for the winter, a mysterious group of strangers appear: bloodthirsty vampires, ready to take advantage of the uninterrupted darkness to feed on the town's residents. Yummy!
See a Trailer: http://www.apple.com/trailers/sony_pictures/30daysofnight/
Find out More: http://www.sonypictures.com/movies/30daysofnight/
Release Date: October 2007
THE GOLDEN COMPASS
Based on author Philip Pullman's bestselling and award-winning novel, The Golden Compass tells the first story in Pullman's His Dark Materials trilogy. The Golden Compass is an exciting fantasy adventure, set in an alternative world where people's souls manifest themselves as animals, talking bears fight wars, and Gyptians and witches co-exist. Although quite why it's called The Golden Compass and not Northern Lights is beyond me. It's got Lyra, a little girl in it, giant fighting polar bears, and Nicole Kidman, and a golden monkey (that could be Kidman, not entirely sure...)
See a Trailer: http://www.apple.com/trailers/newline/thegoldencompass/
Find out More: The Official The Golden Compass Site
Release Date: 16 November 2007
I AM LEGEND
Robert Neville (Will Smith) is a brilliant scientist, but even he could not contain the terrible virus that was unstoppable, incurable… and manmade. Somehow immune, Neville is now the last human survivor in what is left of New York City… and maybe the world. But he is not alone. He is surrounded by “the Infected”—victims of the plague who have mutated into carnivorous beings who can only exist in the dark and who will devour or infect anyone or anything in their path. Zombie-disaster movie...?
See a Trailer: http://www.apple.com/trailers/wb/iamlegend/ (Warning: the trailer is crap).
Find out More: http://iamlegend.warnerbros.com/
Release Date: 14 December 2007
NATIONAL TREASURE: BOOK OF SECRETS
Nicholas Cage returns to play Ben Gates in this sequel to the 2004 action hit NATIONAL TREASURE. This time, Gates and his team solve a mystery that stretches from the assassination of Abraham Lincoln to the contemporary streets of Washington, DC. What do you mean "you never saw the original?" Well it was dead good and you missed out. As a punishment, go write 100 lines: "I like Nicholas Cage and will go to see all of his movies..."
Find out More: http://disney.go.com/disneypictures/nationaltreasure/
Release Date: 21 December 2007
ALIENS VERSUS PREDATOR 2
Strangely, there's not a lot to say here. There's no website, there's not a trailer (or even a sneak peak). I saw a picture, but it was horribly blurred and could have been from Predator 1. But, there is a movie coming, but with there being so little, and the movie out so soon, I think this could be horribly delayed until 2008... Still, the director has promised a lot more excitement this time with the teaser: what happened if the Aliens really made it to Earth...?
See a Trailer: There isn’t one – yet…
Find out More: You can’t – yet…
Release Date: 27 December 2007
THE SPIDERWICK CHRONICLES
The what? I hear you ask… Well it's based on the popular children's fantasy series from Holly Black and Tony DiTerlizzi. The Grace family depart New York City for a quieter home, but excitement isn't far away when they move into the strange family house in the country.
See a Trailer: http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/thespiderwickchronicles/
Find out More: http://www.spiderwickchronicles.com/
Release Date: 15 February 2008
IRON MAN
Robert Downey Jr. stars as Tony Stark, a man who becomes a superhero after a near-death incident, in this big-budget Marvel Comics adaptation. Iron powered superpowers abound. But who is the supervillain? Please let it be Rust Man... *
See a Trailer: There isn’t one. But look down a few days ago…
Find out More: http://www.ironmanmovie.com/
Release Date: 2 May 2008
* that was a joke!
THE CHRONICLES OF NARNIA: PRINCE CASPIAN
The characters of C.S. Lewis's timeless fantasy come to life once again in this newest installment of the "Chronicles of Narnia" series, in which the Pevensie siblings are magically transported to the world of Narnia where a thrilling, perilous new adventure and an even greater test of their faith and courage awaits them. I bet you can't wait!
See a Trailer: Coming soon!
Find out More: Coming soon!
Release Date: 15 May 2008
INDIANA JONES 4
Twenty-five years after "Raiders of the Lost Ark," Harrison Ford reprises his role in "Indiana Jones 4."
Find out More: http://www.indianajones.com/site/index.html
Release Date: 22 May 2008
THE DARK KNIGHT
Do I really need to say any more. Sequel to the 2005 super dark Batman Begins starring Christian Bale, Michael Caine, and that crap bird from Dawson's Creek (who's thankfully not in this movie). With a new outfit, the Bat Bike, and the Joker, this sets out to be bigger and better than the first movie (and hopefully no rubber nipples or chaps).
See the Teaser Page: http://ibelieveinharveydent.warnerbros.com/
Find out More: http://thedarkknight.warnerbros.com/
Release Date: 18 July 2008 (USA) / 25 July 2008 (UK)
HELLBOY 2: THE GOLDEN ARMY
With a signature blend of action, humor and character-based spectacle, the saga of the world's toughest, kitten-loving hero from Hell continues to unfold in Hellboy 2: The Golden Army. Bigger muscle, badder weapons and more ungodly villains arrive in an epic vision of imagination from Oscar®-nominated director Guillermo del Toro (Pan's Labyrinth, Hellboy). After an ancient truce existing between humankind and the invisible realm of the fantastic is broken, hell on Earth is ready to erupt.
See a Trailer: Come back soon…
Find out More: No. I don’t think so.
Release Date: 14 August 2008
AVATAR
Based on the fantastic cartoon of the same name and directed by super action-meister James Cameron. In the future, Jake, a paraplegic war veteran, is brought to another planet, Pandora, which is inhabited by the Na'vi, a humanoid race with their own language and culture. Those from Earth find themselves at odds with each other and the local culture.
See a Trailer: http://www.avatarmovie.co.uk/avatar-trailer.php
Find out More: http://www.avatarmovie.co.uk/
Release Date: 21 May 2009
More movie news. This movie slipped under my radar, but I thought you might want to see it. Why, 'cos it's got dragons and monster snakes, magic, and all that stuff which is going to send us to hell (what am I talking about? Read all about it later in the week).
Korean monster-em-up D-War is scheduled for a UK release - soon!
I'd say ooh and start making drooling noises, but that would just be a bit too geeky.
Ahem, anyway, it's a bit shaky, grainy, and never-should-have-been-filmed (as it was an exclusive teaser trailer for Comic Con attendees)...
But we're gonna watch it anyway (until they remove it from Youtube). It's the first footage of the 2008 Marvel superhero movie - Iron Man (starring Robert Downey Junior and coming May 2nd 2008).
I read these names from various sources but I expect some of them are actually serious contenders for the role of He-Man.
Here's my list of people who absolutely shouldn't be let anywhere near Castle Greyskull:
After all, isn't it really about a person being right for the role (coughs - Constantine)?
Or is just purely about the cash?
If you're of a certain age, you'll have dashed home on a weekday evening to watch He-Man on the telly.
Since the show's cancellation, we've not heard much from He-Man in the past two decades (apart from that abysmal Dolph Lundgren movie and the almost-as-rubbish New Adventures of He-Man - which should never be watched by anyone, ever).
But fear not Filmation Fans - For director Joel Silver has the power!
He's making a He-Man movie. That's right, a proper honest-to-goodness Eternia loving movie!
It better be a faithful rendition of the cartoon and there BETTER be Battle Cat...
Or there'll be trouble.
So, who should play He-Man?
My money's on Gerrard Butler (300).
What do you think?
Anyway. You can see the opening titles to He-Man here: I Have The Power!
