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It's impossible not to talk about the inauguration of Barack Obama, the 44th President of the United States.
The African American has an awful lot of work ahead of him. With expectations so high for this new world of promised change, I wonder how he can possibly live up to expectations.
In his inauguration speech he said a lot of things about changing the world, about denying terrorism, and I hope he makes some great changes to the most powerful nation in the world.
Mind you, whatever he does, even if he sits on his ass and does absolutely bugger all for his tenure, he can't possibly be a worse President than George W Bush.
The world needed a new, fresh President and we have that.
Obama offered hope and sacrifice in his first speech; we can only see what he will do next. I've never seen anything that has polarised the world quite as much as this election has, and with a global recession and so many problems, can the new President ever meet the challenges ahead of him? With the Bush tenure behind us, the next few months are going to be exceptionally interesting indeed.
I wish the new President all the best in this most difficult of times.
I vaguely remember when this column was about my writing (remember that? Yeah, me neither).
Well, now 2008 (AKA the Year of Hell) is over, I can concentrate on new (and some old) stuff.
I am now hard at work finishing Diary of a Murderer - which I want to complete as quickly as possible as it's giving me nightmares (no, really). It's a grisly piece of fiction which I'm sure will push all kinds of buttons in the more reprehensible of my readers.
I've also been back to revisit Summoner Chronicles. I've been holding off doing anything with it because I felt something was missing. It wasn't quite right. It didn't read right or flow properly. So, after the nightmare realisation that the opening page was utter <censored> I'm going to go back and rewrite some of the key scenes to give it better pacing and to make it the creepy kids' story it was supposed to be.
Once I've done that I'm going to finally complete The Great War. I've now written both the opening and closing chapters, so there's only another 48 to go! Hey, that's one chapter per year! Result! I'm struggling with it, mainly because I know once it's over that's it. But it'll be done this year - unless something major happens which requires my attention elsewhere.
I also found two boxes of books that mysteriously appeared out of nowhere, so I'm going to sell a few of them online (look for link here soon) - making it easier for people to get hold of them in those hard to reach places (like Europe and America).
Popped into Woolworths today which is holding its closing down sales (with up to 75% off).
As predicted, the store was packed, filled with people circling like vultures over the ailing carcass of the once proud high street store. It's shame it's going under, it's been a national landmark since long before I was born, but it makes me wonder what kind of marketing decisions the execs have made to bring the company to its knees. The company owes £385 in unpaid depts (several million of that to poor old Nintendo that got in bed with Woolworths in 2006 to launch the Wii - oops).
I'm sure in time Woolworths will become little more than a memory, but we've seen plenty of familiar company names fall this year: popular DIY store MFI has gone under, and several of the smaller banks (and some of the larger ones) have merged to avoid closure.
I'm sure these won't be the last casualties...
Lately I've been wondering if manners, courtesy, and general good qualities in people were dead. So, before I wallow in absolute despondency, I've been carrying out a test: this week, I'll note down all the good and evil (OK bad) acts I see performed on my travels.
Good Acts
Evil Acts
So it's 3 to 1 right now. So far, good is winning. It seems maybe there is some hope after all. Let's see where we stand at the end of the week.
It's definitely becoming fashionable to complain about TV shows. Certainly, there's been a fresh hoo-ha this week about I'm a Celebrity. OFSTEAD received a bucket of complaints when Dec said jokingly 'it's the dog's bollocks' after Nicola's kangaroo testicle eating challenge.
Now, which sane person would waste precious energy to complain about the use of the word 'bollocks' on a TV show filled with bad language - after the 9:00pm watershed.
Now it seems the show is being edited no matter what the hour.
A shame, and another sign that the planet is going tits up!
OOh, can I say that? Are you reading this after the watershed? If not, avert your eyes. But if you're offended by this email, you can complain about the content to virtualnames by sending an email to the following regulating body: ofstead.com.
I found a dead mouse on the landing floor last night. It was pretty gross seeing the little guy lying there all curled up (as though he was just taking a nap).
It’s weird co-existing with the tiny rodents. They don’t do much. They don’t fix our shoes – something I was MOST disappointed to learn: mice are NOT good cobblers by trade.
They should at least pay some of the bills, but nope. They come out at night to scoff whatever they can find and to poop in the kitchen (ick).
The one on the floor was pretty cute though. It wasn’t dead, merely sleeping…
So, knowing I have a mouse infestation got me thinking long and hard: should I leave them be, or call an exterminator? Does every living being have a right to life, or should I have them all killed, knowing they carry disease?
This is a difficult question to which I’m not sure there IS a right answer.
Took Zachary for his first major walk today to the lakes in Brentwood, Essex. All was going great until he decided to chase the ducks...
... there was a fantastic moment where around fifty ducks took off right beside us in slow motion, which turned to horror when Zack decided to follow them... right into the lake.
I don't think he'd realised it was water, and that he could sink without a trace into its murky depths.
But he did, and I arrived with my heart in my mouth to see his panicked eyes plunging under the surface. He couldn't get out of the water because there was a wooden barrier all the way around the lake. It was heart-breaking to see his little face filled with the realisation: Help me! I'm going to die.
I risked everything (muddy trainers) to save him. I reached into the lake and grabbed him by his harness and pulled the half-drowned rat onto dry land.
While I'm the hero of this story, I'm still shaken by it and it's a tiny tiny glimpse of how a parent must feel every day when their child faces danger from endless sources. I wonder, now, how my mother survived all the disasters I caused over the years...
It's now September and the year has flown.
It really does feel as though Christmas was only a couple of months ago and now it's almost upon us again. We're into the final dregs of summer (if you can call the miserable weather in the UK summer) and then we're into the holiday season. We've got Bonfire Night, Hallowe'en, and Christmas coming up. Hurrah!
I noticed that I'd barely posted on my column this month, but I've been so busy with a bunch of projects, it's been hard to find the time to do anything.
I have discovered a few things:
1. Having a puppy is like having a baby. You have no time to yourself and trying to do anything on your own results in much puppy whining for yet more of your attention. I'm even typing this one-handed as I have tiny razor-sharp (fresh from teething) teeth biting my left hand.
2. Having a puppy is at least twice as expensive as you thought it would be.
3. Finding your social life when you have a full time job + a bunch of writing assignments and a dog would require the services of a medium.
3. Innit funny how John McCain has come from behind* to compete with Obama in the Presidential Elections?It looks like America reallllly doesn't want a black President. Or is that just the current Bush regime...?
Anyway, happy September...
*There is absolutely nothing funny about coming from behind. It's not even an innuendo.
It was revealed that the Beijing Olympic Games came to a grand total of a staggering 21 billion pounds! Weighing in at a colossal 40+ billion dollars, I find this sum beyond reason. Surely, in this world of recession and great need, 21 billion pounds could be put to a far better use than the two weeks of Olympic Games. The opening ceremony was beautiful beyond words, but wasn't it all just a massive waste of money?
I know they're saying the UK 2012 Games will cost around 10 billion pounds. I might be living in an idealistic world, but I could think of a lot better ways to spend 10 billion pounds. So many people could benefit from that amount of cash.
I couldn't help but think of the irony behind the Beijing Olympic games opening ceremony being all about a clean Earth - when China is one of the main sources of the world's pollutants, having 16 of the 2008 Top 20 Polluted Cities in the list - not a great accolade in the aftermath of the Olympic Games.
The UK has exploded with alarm at the new Road Tax system the Government is planning to implement in 2010. It basically means that if you have a larger, petrol-guzzling car, you'll pay more for your Road Tax.
In this age of environmental issues, global warming, and general lack of fossil fuels, this seems like a completely fair and reasonable system to me. You choose to have a larger, more expensive car, it follows that you shouldpay more to drive it. Economical, clean, and environmentally friendly cars should be equally rewarded. Electric cars should be completely free to drive; in fact, the Government should be piling all those extra Road Tax pounds into making e-cars more affordable for anyone who wants one.
It's just funny how the rich, who can more than afford to buy their huge and polluting cars, are complaining about the rise in Taxes.
They should just go out and buy a cheaper car.
The UK health service has come under all kinds of attacks over the years, and believe me, I've got my own personal gripes to settle as I've seen plenty of disasters...
But this latest incident just seemed downright bizarre. Someone very close to me had major back surgery yesterday and was wheeled back into the ward at 9:00pm last night. The surgeon saw him again just before noon today, and less than an hour later, despite being in a drug-addled stupour, he was asked - admittedly very politely - to vacate his room as they needed the bed.
Now, if he'd had an ingrown toenail removed I wouldn't even bat an eyelid, but this was major back surgery and he was barely conscious after all the drugs they'd pumped him with.
Doesn't that seem even a bit odd to anyone else? I just find it absolutely bizarre that he was ejected so soon after an operation of that magnitude. After all, anything could go wrong at this early stage and there'd be little anyone could do about it.
Bizarre or routine... What are your thoughts?
The best thing about working in the media is that you get to see so much great talent.
I had this sent to me the other day. It's a demo reel for someone who wants to work in animation: Demo Reel
I think it's fantastic, and I'm envious that anyone could create something so gorgeous (especially the fishies).
I wish I had that kind of talent.
I saw pop star Jarvis Cocker at Sheffield train station today, and one thing I noticed is how much people stared at him. It was like a sea of heads following his wake (in physics, this would be 'eye gravity'). People look, then look again; then they stare confused, filled with disbelief. Then, deciding that he must be who they think he is, they continue to stare, presumably wondering whether they should go speak to him or not. Should they? Shouldn't they?
It's exactly the same with road accidents; most people can't help but gawp at the accident, and for what? To catch a glimpse of blood or some unfortunate person in a less than situation far worse than their own.
Is it pure curiosity, or a genuine desire to see something morbid or gruesome?
Or are people merely bored and this is a genuine distraction from their own mundane lives?
While we're on the subject of weird expressions, have you ever wondered where the expression 'that really gets my goat' comes from?
Well, there are various theories (but no evidence).
This first comes from a tradition in horse racing. Thought to have a calming effect on high-strung thoroughbreds, a goat was placed in the horse’s stall on the night before the race. Unscrupulous opponents would then steal the goat in an effort to upset the horse and cause it to lose the race.
The second dates dates back to the middle ages where business transactions were conducted using cattle. A rich man called Francis had a large herd of goats, which peasants were constantly attempting to steal from him. Whenever someone tried to steal his goats, he would (unsurprisngly) cry out: 'you're stealing my goats!" This eccentric man became something of a recluse (and a joke) and his expression transformed over the years into the expression we know today.
The third is that of tweaking a man's goatee (beard), which would, quite naturally, annoy him greatly.
There's no evidence that any is the right answer (and they're all pretty ridiculous).
What do you think?
Big Brother started again on Channel 4 last night, and it's again clear that the people who most desire to be famous are the least deserving of it.
It's basically sixteen of the most stupid and arrogant people the UK could muster.
I don't think I've got much to say about this year's candidates.
I hate mobile phones with a passion. They're such impersonal things (but oh so useful).
On one hand, they are a huge bonus in that you're never alone. But, on the other hand, they're equally a huge minus in that you're never alone.
The main bugbear I have with mobile phones is when people completely ignore grammar and punctuation in their text messages. I know I'm probably going to get shot for it, but is it really THAT hard to compose proper sentences in a text? I manage it every time, so why can't everyone else?
Merely seeing "U" on a text just rankles me.
Anyway. I was standing in a queue today and I 'accidentally' looked down at the girl in front of me sending a text. She was a student, probably around 19. Her text read: "Hi U. Soz to wke u. Do u hv a yelow highlyter I cn borow for tmrws lcture."
It took all my stoic British powers of resolution just to avoid saying: "hello but do you realise that, aside from "do" and "to", there wasn't a single correct word in that text?"
Textspeak is so common nowadays, it made me wonder if we are turning into a nation of near-illiterates? Do people not understand apostrophe use? Is it even being taught in schools these days?
The amount of adverts I see around with DVD's or 1000's of price cuts, even on TV, astonish me. And these are big-budget advertisements made by highly paid professionals who should know better.
I wonder if that girl was doing an English degree.
Piracy of DVDs, music, and films seems to be the norm in today's society. Remember my review of The Nines? I had at least three people tell me they'd downloaded it on my recommendation?
Yet those same people will be the first to say that everything's crap these days and that companies don't take risks with new things. I'm hardly surprised, when tens of thousands of people are downloading their content, there's no room for error with TV shows, movies, and games. Companies want to stick to what they know will sell...
Piracy has become so commonplace that it's frowned upon to comment negatively on a person's illegal behaviour. It's almost like you're in the wrong simply for diagreeing with the concept of stealing through the internet. I remember one family who used to think it was desperately cute that I was against piracy and that I was on some kind of misguided campaign. Needless to say, they didn't stop buying their pirate DVDs from a local shop in the area. Who knows what the guy was doing with the cash? Maybe it went to drugs, or maybe it went to buying him and his family a new car.
Irregardless of the truth, piracy is theft. People do it because, quite simply, there's no recourse. They know they won't get caught, and so they continue with their downloads unabated. People t give little or any thought to the fact that it's theft.
But it IS theft. I've had thousands of my books downloaded, and I'm only a crappy Z list writer (OK so maybe I'm around the Ns). I can't imagine what it would be like to have a best seller and know hundreds of thousands, or even millions, of my books had been pirated. And not one of those people would give any thought to the fact that I'd lost revenue from that book.
Most of them would say I had earned enough from it already. A few would comment that they'd never have bought it anyway (so, by their reckoning, they're allowed to download it). There are a rare few who would download something to check the quality before buying. I think this is sensible and should be an option for most products these days (Amazon has started doing this and it's great). I can't think of the number of times I've been burned by a truly abysmal music CD in the past few years.
My only gripe is that we have to wait to see USA shows for sometimes months, if not years, before we get them in the UK. The technology is in place now for us to be able to download shows direct from the production company, yet does the FOX Network have a delivery system in place? Of course not.
They gripe about so many illegal downloads, yet here I am, clamouring to give them my cash for an easily configurable distribution service where I can legally download the shows I like. yet there's no movement. I would glady cancel my pricey (and rubbish) Virgin service for a pay per show subscription. At least that way I get to pay only for the shows I watch. Sadly, I doubt this will happen any time soon...
So, if the companies themselves don't do something, internet piracy is here to stay and no book, DVD, or music CD is safe.
It's the first of May and the year is racing along without any kind of regard for the fact that we're all getting older.
And it (apparently) brings you good luck if "White Rabbits" is the first thing you say when you wake up on the morning of the new month.
Being a gamer, I think it should be White Dragons, personally, but I've tried to do this ever since I was a kid, and failed every time.
It usually goes something like this: Open eyes. Groan. Think oh my god it's early..
And then I realise what I should have said, but by then it's already ten seconds too late.
So, no good luck for me this month then.
Has anyone else heard of any other strange new month customs?
For a few days - at least... Things have been crazy here lately so I'm abandoning the world to clear my head. Well, not quite, but I am going far, FAR away from the internet!
I was going to post loads of comments about the dark side of human nature this week, but it all seems a bit pointless today.
Maybe things will be perkier when I return.
See you all in a few days!
I bought two new pairs of Levi jeans today of exactly the same size and shape.
Get ready for the science: while both pairs are exactly the same size, one pair is tight, another is a comfortable fit, and the ones I was wearing when I went into the shop are baggy.
But, surely if a pair of jeans is a certain size, then ALL jeans of that size should be - by definition - exactly the same size. Or else what's the point in having sizes at all?
Obviously this concept hasn't struck Levi, who think a certain size of jean is on a sliding scale.
It's all very bizarre. I now have three pairs of jeans of exactly the same size but three very different fits.
If anyone can explain the science here I'd love to hear it!
I've had flu the last few days and have been mostly bedridden. It got me to thinking about what my life would be like if I were much older and completely without support.
Being old and alone is a sobering thought, and the first time it's ever hit me.
I wonder how many people around the world have no one to look after them. They have no one to cook or clean or to help with routine chores; all those things we take for granted in health.
It's a scary time.
Yesterday's rant about Uwe Boll's poll stirred up lots of feelings and it made me wonder whether I was as guilty of suppressing other people's opinions as they were.
Someone said my comments was just as bad as the Anti Boll Poll, and that got me to thinking: were they right? Was my argument in the same league as people who vote to stop Boll from making any more movies?
It seems clear to me that I'm saying: this is wrong. No matter how you view something, there are always better alternatives than demanding an artist stop creating. You can always look the other way.
So, is this the same thing? Am I guilty of trying to suppress people's opinions?
Of course, this is the internet where people say things often without so much a moment's thought (and rarely any consideration), but it's still worthy of a few moment's thought...
There are times when world turns around and says "you've no chance, mate". It’s then when your actions - no matter how noble or pure - are turned around and your sincere deeds are perceived as being utterly negative.
This has happened to me lately and it’s boggling how you can spend months trying to do the right thing for it all to come to nothing.
All the good you have done is lost in a heartbeat and you're remembered only for the bad.
I’ve realised it stems from getting involved. I used to think people didn't get involved because they were too lazy to make the effort, but I now realise it’s because they know that getting involved involves taking sides, and no matter how impartial you try to be, taking sides has consequences.
Getting involved creates enemies.
People have their own insecurities and prejudices, and many people find it far easier to cast the first stone than to look at their own situation and how they might be affecting others. It’s ultimately self-destructive, but it’s much easier than the alternative: making the effort and trying to affect change in others.
This reminds me of long-term cancer sufferer Jane Tomlinson who devoted the last years of her life to raising more than million pounds to charity. She was called all kinds of names, her actions questioned and her motives rubbished. I can’t possibly compare myself to that wonderful woman, but I do try to do the right thing, even if it puts me in the firing line. Which it does, often. The more good I try to do, the more I upset the world around me.
I think people will always see what they want to see, and sometimes, no matter how much good you try to do, there are just sometimes when you can’t win.
But perhaps it’s not important. Some people will always be motivated by greed and hate and anger, and while that might be a fact of life, all we can do is look to the future and hope that there’s a brighter time ahead.
And continue to strive to do the right thing, knowing inside that our path is pure and honest, no matter how many people try to put us down.
After all, it’s the journey that matters. And nothing else.
I've discovered a brand new and fantastic way to avoid one of those most unpleasant household chores: the washing up.
Instead of washing your mugs and cups, just break them instead!
If you break, say, three or four mugs and glasses in the space of twenty four hours, just think of the time you'll save. This works out over the course of a year at literally HOURS of saved time that you could spend doing other, less boring tasks.
This happened to me this weekend and I must say, it's great having more shelf space and knowing you've got so much less to wash up every day.
So, lob your crockery in the bin when dirty. It's a housewives' dream!
I can't see a downside to this plan yet...
Maybe it'll come to me in the week.
If you're in the UK, you'll know we had the strongest earthquake in 200 years last night (registering 5.2 in some areas on the Magnitude Scale), and it was actually terrifying, but not for the reasons you might think.
I was asleep at 1:10 when it happened. And all I remember was hearing this almighty explosion (in my sleep) and waking up disoriented and terrified. I could sense the fear in the air and could hear people moving around in the houses on both sides of me and on the streets.
It was weird lying in the dark and feeling this palpable sense of terror in the air. I got up and wandered around for a bit, and things quickly returned to normal. But in my half-sleep state, the great explosion of the earthquake felt like all the demons of hell had been unleashed upon the earth.
It was the most disoriented and terrified I'd been in a long while. I did think for a single instant that maybe the zombie invasion I've been warning of had finally come to pass.
... Maybe I read too much horror.
The whole thing did make me think how strange and oddly exhilarating real terror is. It's primal and powerful and life-changing.
Did you get a Happy Valentine's Day text this morning? If so, you're not the only one...
Texts and emails are gradually replacing the traditional Valentine's Day card, a new UK poll reveals today.
The End of Romance: The Royal Mail's survey found 12% of respondents preferred to receive or send Valentine's texts and emails rather than letters, cards or flowers.
Its poll of nearly 2,000 people found 55% planned to send a romantic token to a loved one. This compared to 70% of respondents who hoped to received a Valentine's message or gift.
The Royal Mail is braced to deliver some 12 million Valentine's cards and letters on February 14. On a typical day, the Royal Mail handles some 82 million items of business and personal post.
Not only can a Valentine's card be kept and re-read, it carries a feel good factor for the recipient. It's far more personal than a crappy e-mail.
I find this news quite sad. That people choose to spend ten seconds on a text rather than send a hand-written card speaks volumes about society these days.
Follow on from yesterday's story about crimes of chocolate on my flight back from Amsterdam, I came home today to find a weird guy (in his twenties) knocking on my back door.
He turned to me and asked where the next street up was. I told him, knowing full well that he was casing the house (greedily eyeing that upstairs window and my laptop bag which I'd stupidly left on the kitchen table).
Of course I phoned the Police, and followed him up the street, but he knew I suspected something and vanished - never to be seen again.
It was all very suspicious, I mean, who knocks on a door to ask where something is? Even worse, who stares through a window into the house before knocking (he didn't quite see me in time).
That might be another burglary thwarted, but the crooks are getting clever. It's pretty worrying, actually. He was just the right shape to slip through open windows or half-blocked grates, etc.
I'm mentioning this because it's their new way of casing houses. If they find someone in they simply ask a mindless question, like: Does Stan still live here? Or, where is High Road?
Nowhere's safe any more...
Since I started posting a weekly commentary on the X Factor, the monthly hits on my column have halved.
Well, it's either X Factor or the fact that my column isn't nearly as interesting as it used to be.
With my workload, I'd definitely blame the latter.
I clearly need a hook. Maybe I should do something outrageous like one of those video blogs... I could do something like Chris Leavin's Cute With Chris.
Or report on really bizarre news. Like piercings or necrophillia. Or both!
Or maybe I could just keep doing what I'm doing and accept that I'm way too busy to think up cool stuff to talk about on my column. You get movie reviews. What more can you ask for?
I do have a bunch of super-exciting projects in the works, but I still can't talk about any of them.
Which is annoying.
... On another topic entirely - I wonder if the person who stole my chocolates has eaten any of them yet?
The festive season has long gone and the once well stocked chocolate stash is now, like Mother Hubbard's rhyming cupboard, bare.
But, don't you just love it when you see a box of chocolates - in this case delicious milk chocolate After Eight Mints - and you think it's empty, yet a quick nosey uncovers one final mint tucked away at the very bottom.
And they say the best things in life are free.
Whoever said that clearly hadn't had an After Eight Mint!
I mean, they're not free! They're quite expensive, actually.
But that aside, the statement still stands!
Did you know that only 6% of Britons donate any money on a regular basis to charity, and that a vast majority of those are people who really can't afford it.
That's probably no surprise to anyone.
So, why am I even mentioning it? Well, apart from a moan at the wealthy - who are quite content to hoard their cash without sharing it those who really need it - I was watching a show today about the super rich and there was one fashion designer who earned 100 million from his beauty products, yet did he give so much as a single penny of it to those who need it?
I think you know the answer. It's NO!
It really made me feel quite sick. I know everyone's entitled to keep their "hard-earned" wealth, but there are so many charities in need of funds, or people who can never even begin to earn that kind of money, yet this 'celebrity' insists of spending tens of thousands on diamond jewellery for his chihuahua.
I then started thinking about all the money pointlessly wasted on - well endless trivialities - and it sickens me. We all spend so much on nonsense, and the important things have fallen by the wayside. I've got a friend who's obsessed with fashion labels, and another who has no concept of lasting friendships - and both of them looked at me with disgust when I suggested donating some of their money to charity.
And I don't know anyone who gives even a penny to charity or who would consider donating any of their time to help people less fortunate than themselves. Strike that, I don't know anyone who has admitted to me that they donate to charity.
And, when you consider that, don't you find it just a little bit depressing?
It's exactly eleven fifty two and mere moments before the new year.
It's always at this time that I wish I'd started this column last year, so I could tell how I felt back then.
For me, the new year is always a time of reflection. I never feel like I've accomplished enough or advanced sufficiently, and, like many, it's a time of making fresh vows for the new year: to do better, to work harder, to BE better.
Looking back: this year I started working on a professional magazine with a world-wide circulation. I've got a regular column and I'm starting with another publication in January 2008, so it's all looking rather bright for me. I should have a publication date for my HUGE novel in January - which is about the best news anyone in my profession could wish for.
And that's the problem. I wanted to have the novel all done and dusted so I could look back this year and say: Yes! I finally did it.
Now it will be next year, in twelve months' time, when that all happens.
So, while I feel a little disheartened, I know in my heart that 2008 will be all I want it to be, as long as I believe in myself and work toward my goals.
And it can be the same for you as well.
Happy New Year to everyone who reads my column, and thanks for supporting me in the past twelve months.
Regards
Stuart Renton
So it's the meaty run up to Christmas and the turkey is getting nervous... and so are the scalpers.
There are over 3000 Nintendo Wiis for sale on Ebay.co.uk and most of them are going for UNDER the standard RRP of the machine. So now has never been a better time to pick up a Wii - probably from someone who's grinding their teeth that their ill-purchased console isn't going to pay for Christmas this year.
And all I can say is: "hurrah!" We've been the victim of console shortages and scalpers trying to rip people off for far too long - so this is a great sign that things are changing.
The newspapers were making fantastical claims that Wiis were selling for £1000 on Ebay. But I never saw them go for anything like that price - not this year or last.
Mind you, we all know the papers talk total crap.
Anyway. There are plenty of Wiis online - go gettem.
I really do believe that the kids of today have a much harder time than we did back in the '70s. It was a more innocent time back then, we didn't know half as much as we do today and we didn't have a fraction of the technology that permeates every aspect of our lives these days.
Here are some of the differences:
On reflection, I'm not sure it's a better world for all these changes. We were certainly healthier back then; nowadays everyone's telling us what to eat and how to live, it's a confusing world - far removed from the simple lives we had three decades ago.
What do you think?
Matthew Perry will play an adult version of Zac Efron in 17, New Line Cinema's teen comedy about a man who wakes up to find he's 17 again.
And that got me thinking: Matthew Perry is 38 - hardly middle aged!
But that got me wondering: what age, exactly, is middle age?
A web surf brought up a whole range of contradictions, but to me, middle aged starts in the mid 40s. I guess it's all a matter of perspective: people in their 20s might think middle age is anything over 30, while people in their 40s might think its anything over 50.
Of course, if we go on life expectancy (76 for men) then 38 is absolutely spot on.
Oh. My. God. I'm middle aged.
Hmmm. I don't like it much, to be honest.
It's all down hill from here.
Well, somebody somewhere does, because an international panel of former pilots and Government officials has called on the US government to reopen its investigation on UFOs (Project Blue Book) as a matter of national security given continuing reports about flying discs, glowing spheres, and other strange sightings.
And there have been countless skyward sightings of objects covered with flashing lights and vanishing as quickly as they came. Other visitations are more malevolent, with people claiming they have been abducted by creatures from other worlds and subjected to inhuman experiments aboard their spacecraft. Crazy or not?
In June of this year, one of the largest UFOs ever seen was observed by the crew and passengers of an airliner over the Channel Islands (UK), prompting an official near-miss report.
A month later, a crowd of 100 stunned stargazers brought Stratford-upon-Avon to a standstill when five mysterious objects were spotted hovering in the sky. Drinkers spilled out of pubs and camera phones were aimed upwards as the five orbs, apparently in formation, hovered above their heads for half an hour – moving with extraordinary speed and agility.
Of course, people have been seeing UFOs for decades, and before that, it was demons and angels, and before that, it was dragons and monsters. So “sightings” are nothing new.
Of course, to finish, I have a story of my own: I was eight, in Halifax (UK). It was about this time of year, and I was out in the garden shortly after dark when something very black and circular moved slowly overhead. Although I couldn’t judge distances, it was very black and seemed to be just overhead.
The very next day the Police published a report that a meteorite had passed over Halifax.
Whatever it was, a meteorite it was not!
I don't know if it was of earthly or otherworldy origins, but it does make me wonder. I'm certain life exists on other planets and it's only a matter of time until we are discovered in the universe. Surely, with all these sitings, there has to be some truth to it?
Now, what do you believe?
I've been thinking about what books I'd take with me if I were stuck on a desert island. It was a hard choice with a few tomes in a deathmatch arena fighting for the coveted top three slots, but in the end I came up with:
High on the list would also be:
What books would you take?
Human beings. They never cease to amaze me by how brilliant and crazy and wonderful we are. We're capable of such horrendous crimes and such violent emotions, while equally, such breathtaking moments of passion.
I'm writing this because I've received an email from the person who has been posting the abuse on my website, and, really, it's heartwarming, not because it's an apology, but because it's testament to how we're all capable of growing and learning to be better human beings.
We all screw up and do things we deeply regret. And some of us make amends and put things right.
Our pesky poster (Allister) said this:
Recently I've made quite a few appalling posts on Stuart's website, and I truly am disgusted in myself for it. I'm not exactly sure where all this vindictiveness that appears to have been borderline hatred was borne from. However, I really do regret it, and not just because I'm worried about the repercussions that I may face due to it. Rather, from those repercussions came my own self reflection on my own character. I as I've told Stuart am a writer myself, and now with the benefit of hindsight I realise that being a writer is hard enough as it is without other stresses. That is, stresses such as an annoying poster who litters your own beloved site with disgusting pornography and half-wit comments. Not only that, but I've come to assess myself, I've begun to ask myself why I did it, where did all this malevolence come from and why? In a way, I've put it down to jealousy over the fact that Stuart has published work and a loyal fan base while mine has only just started to grow. However, I don't think it's completely jealousy and I still haven't worked out where the rest of all this anger has come from, hopefully in time I will gain some insight. So I'd like to apologise to not only Stuart but his readers for the problem I have become in the last few weeks. As insincere as it may seem I am truly sorry to you all for being such a down right bastard. I really do mean it and feel terrible for all this.
After considerable thought I also began to think about the segregation that I am imposing within the writers community. In all seriousness, within the creative industries there is enough segregation caused by societal structures, critics and falsely based opinion enough. Why should I be imposing anymore segregation? Why did I impose such segregation? There is no reason why I should be and there is no reason why I did. It is arguable that there is an innate need for competitiveness, however I have nothing to compete with Stuart on. I have simply been a horrible person.
I am truly sorry to Stuart and his readers, whether you wish to believe that or not.
Captain Immaturity/The Pest/Allister
One thing I've learned is that apologies are rare and that sincere apologies are even rarer. This email was really unexpected and is proof that people can see the error of their ways and do something about it.
We can change. We can be better people. Above all, we can set an example to others by being considerate and compassionate all the time. And accepting the moments when we're not.
Allister, thanks for this email. I truly do wish you well and hope you'll stop by and post from time to time (excluding the pornography, of course).
Anyone else want to comment? If ever there was a time, this is it!
Do you think there are lots of really embarassed parents out there with four and five year old daughters called Britney?
Something to think about when you're on the toilet.
Funny how writing styles change. I just re-read the opening page of Darkness Rises: Blood Dawn and, had I written it today, I would have edited it to death. The flow just doesn't seem quite right. Which is funny 'cos I was thrilled with it when I wrote it, all those years ago.
I guess that's why writers rarely read anything they've written once they've completed the final editing process.
I'll revisit it for a major edit at some point...
1. You've outgrown your fat trousers. The previously worn "thin trousers" have been left whimpering in a corner for the past year. That relationship is clearly over!
2. Elasticated tracksuit bottoms seem a viable option to belts and buttons.
3. You see an African woman in a poncho and think "mmm that looks slimming".
4. You wish you were surrounded by those distorting mirrors at Fun Faires that make you look very tall and thin.
5. The Kicker. People you haven't seen for a while say: Oh, it's you. I didn't recognise you for a moment.
Hmph. I'm going to eat celery!
Just confirming what we already knew, the Beckhams are at the top of American magazine Radar.
In a search to find the most overrated people, places, and things, the magazine found that the following things were also out of fashion:
I think the Beckhams were rightly placed. They are giving out entirely the wrong message to young people (there are more important things than money, clothes, and fashion), and as for Brad Pitt - surely he'll never lose his sell-by date.
But what have cupcakes done to anyone? They're delicious bite-sized mouthfuls of creamy heaven.Just goes to to show you can't please everybody.
... is so absurdly weird. It's entirely faceless; people can do or say whatever they like without repercussion, hiding behind the anonymity of the web.
I don't know many people who'd come up to me in the street and say my website's crap, I'm a fag, and that everything I do is shit. Well I do know a few people...
Anyway, it boggles belief, really. Why would anyone bother to waste their precious life insulting a complete stranger? Brings me back to the mindlessness of the Uwe Boll hate, I suppose.
There must be better things to do with life than spread hate. But the internet is filled with flame wars. They're everywhere you look, even on the most innocuous forum (like Alan Titchmarsh's Gardening Forum, bizarrely).
I learned long ago (thanks to Bottled Imp Games) to take everything said online with a pinch of salt. It's easy to write an angry email and to post it; it takes a bit of wisdom to hold back and to sleep on it before sending.
If something really peeves me I'll write a really angry email, but I won't send it.
It's a great way to work off steam, and I guarantee that 100% of the time you'll look back and be glad you didn't send it.
The internet makes me laugh.
The best thing about the internet is other people.
And the worst thing about the internet is other people.
Funny old world, innit?
It's September 11th again, and with birthdays always comes memories of the 911 World Trade Centre disaster.
Six years on and it's gone, and almost forgotten. But I'll never forget. How can I?
I remember the day it happened so very clearly. It was September 11th 2001. We were at a work training event and I remember the sunshine being amazingly bright that day. Unnaturally bright. It was a team building event and we had to paint something to represent how we felt about our place in the world. I remember drawing a flaming feather (don't laugh - I know it sounds lame) to represent the disharmony of the world. It sounds almost portentous now, as we came downstairs to see the huge LCD TV in the hotel lobby showing pictures of the two towers smoking.
And then everything kicked off, the truth came out and the world was transformed. My birthday would be remembered as the day the World Trade Centre was destroyed by religious fanatics.
So, while it's six years on and the media has grown bored of 911, I still remember it and the fact that our world is so screwed up. Things just aren't right in the world. We have people willing to die for their beliefs, willing to harm innocents for what they believe is right. We are pumping toxins into the atmosphere, and filling our bodies with chemicals. We have politicians starting fake wars for oil, and no one ever says what they really mean. People live in fear and it's all pretty rubbish.
So, I take time on my birthday to consider all these things. It's as good a time as any to remember the past, but also look to the future. I believe we humans are capable of so much more, that we can be better - DO better - and that one day, our world will be a much kinder and healthier place in which to live.
I don't think it will come any time soon, and that it won't be in my lifetime, but I have to believe that one day, in generations to come, the world will drop all our petty fears and squabbles and become a place of peace.
And it's MY birthday, so I'll fantasize if I want to.
If you don't like something, isn't it common sense just to avoid it?
If someone didn't like classical Vagnerian opera, I wouldn't expect to have them make a website dedicated to how much they hate it.
So, isn't this: http://www.petitiononline.com/RRH53888/petition.html just the latest in a long time of examples of internet mindlessness: a petition to stop Uwe Boll from making any more movies?
If you don't like his movies, don't watch them. It's as simple as that. Nearly seventeen thousand idiots have shown their utter lack of maturity / objectiveness / respect by signing their names to this document.
But this attitude is everywhere in today's society. People are forever judging things without first seeing them.
I was in HMV yesterday and there were two guys in front of me. "They've remade the Halloween movie," the short and stupid one said. "By Rob Zombie."
"I can't believe it," came the reply from the taller and even more closed-minded one. "No way did that movie need remaking."
They then proceeded to dissect the new movie and how terrible it was going to be because Rob Zombie had completely 'remade' it (presumably by telling the story of how Michael Myers escaped from the sanitarium).
As for signing a petition against Uwe Boll, either way you look at it, it's just a personal attack on Mr Boll himself.
I think this is all just a little bit sad.
I recently did an interview for Shivers Magazine with Uwe Boll, and another with singer-songwriter Alan Connor.
Of the two, by FAR the hardest interview was not with the wealthy and powerful movie director Boll, but with Alan, quite simply because I realised how hard it is to interview someone you already know really well.
A learning experience, and you'll be able to see the full interview here very soon.
It's one part promotional material about Alan, and another on explaining the difficulties of breaking into the music industry.
I hope it will be both interesting and informative.
Well its official. I am now a journalist for Shivers Magazine.
My hard work finally paid off and I can't tell you all how happy I am.
I will admit to feeling a certain level of trepidation. After all, how will I feel when I've got everything I ever wanted?
But, it's a really exciting time and you can see my first articles in Shivers Magazine at the end of the year.
I'll be back from FrightFest on Monday with a review of the event, and pictures of the Zombie Walk.
But, for once, I think I can say; YAY ME!
I don't talk about myself much in this column, just the occasional bout of exceptional weirdness, but today's post is so important to me, I felt I'd share it with you.
It's a scary time for me today, as so much is happening in my writing life. I've got a lot of projects on the go right now, and like so many things, they can make or break a career.
I should hear about all these things in the next few days/weeks. So it's very exciting (and nervous) time for me.
I'm quite jittery, but hopeful. After all, it would be such a shame if all three were to fall through. But then again, I've three chances of something coming out of this.
So wish me luck. Any one of these jobs would be a dream come true. Two of them would make me euphoric.
I reckon if I hook all three, I'd probably explode!
More news on this as I hear it.
OK I wasn’t concerned before but now a niggling doubt is beginning to form at the back of my mind…
Where is all this rain coming from?
It’s the middle of summer and I’m on the train, looking out of my window as we race past Birmingham. The sky is filled with clouds that litter the heavens. There are clouds everywhere - and it’s not been any different for months!
All around, the fields are sodden; I can see the post of a fence sticking out from under three feet of water...
It’s clearly all wrong. It’s not supposed to be like this in summer. Isn’t it the season of droughts and hosepipe bans? That’s the law, the normal routine of events in the UK.
So WHY is the UK flooded?
I scoured the web to see a rational (or even an irrational) answer but no one seems to have any. There have been plenty of floods in my lifetime, but I’ve never heard of anything so widespread or that has lasted so long (I know there have been some terrible floods but not ones that affected the whole country).
The words no one wants to hear are on everyone’s lips. Is this the work of global warming? Is this a sign of things to come, something we’ll face every year, and worse?
Is the water due to the melting icecaps or is it just some freak weather that’s been sent to us from abroad?
As I look up into the cloud filled sky (that’s now turned blood red as the sun sets) and realise that I’ve barely seen the sky for months, I have to wonder: this all looks hopelessly abnormal.
I watched a show on BBC1 last night about the floods. Apparently,
the rain is entirely natural in origin, but the none of the scientist could agree on whether it was caused by global warming!
It feels a bit like Superman the Movie where the scientists are telling Jor-El off for saying that Krypton was heading for disaster by crashing into the red sun.
So, are we heading for diaster? With all this strange weather, freak storms, and odd seasonal shifts, it does make you wonder.
Incidentally, did you know that the temperature of the Earth has risen by 0.7 degrees in the last few years? That’s quite a small increase, but apparently, it’s set to continue. The predictions put it as high as 5-7 degrees by 2020. That's an alarming increase and yet no one can give us the exact cause.
We can continue to ward against flooding, but if this is to continue, surely there’s a much larger – and darker – picture ahead.
Or, maybe I’m just being paranoid.
I suppose we'll find out next year. If the flooding continues - well - it really doesn't bear thinking about.
I know I'd like some answers.
I went for a meal with my friends at a local restaurant on Sunday, and we happily sat down to eat, oblivious to the world.
The guy at the table next to mine had a very loud voice and he was talking to his partner about illnesses. They had finished eating and were sitting back, discussing colds, and medication and the like.
Now, I could just about handle that, but the conversation soon turned to chest colds and - well - your imagination is probably already working overtime with all kinds of interesting adjectives to describe the situation...
I can't watch anything even remotely gross when I’m eating; I can stomach pretty much anything normally, but I'm particularly squeamish when I’m putting food in my mouth.
So when they started talking about psoriasis, I was not only put off my food, I was pretty annoyed about it.
I'd tried to not listen, I'd tried hard to get my friends to talk, but nothing had worked.
So, I said something.
Angry, I blurted out: "Excuse me but that really is NOT the kind of appropriate subject matter for the dinner table".
Disaster!
OK I might have said it loudly, and I probably wasn't anything like as polite as I could have been, but my stomach was churning and I was pretty annoyed (at least I said excuse me. Surely that earns me some brownie points for courtesy?)
In return, the guy at the table exploded. He accused me of being rude and of listening to his conversation and that he could talk about what he liked. I realised I wasn’t going to make any headway, so I said only two further sentences to him, the last of which was: "If that is your idea of polite conversation..."
Clearly, he didn't like being confronted and wasn't prepared to back down in any way. There’s no wisdom in arguing with someone who isn’t prepared to see your point of view.
And that was pretty much that.
But afterward, this unpleasant incident got me thinking: when is it OK to speak your mind?
What constitutes acceptable conversation at the dinner table?
We are all in control of our actions. Our words and deeds affect everyone around us and we are ultimately responsible for behaving appropriately.
While I feel disappointed at my outburst to a complete stranger, I'm also frustrated that someone would show such a cavalier and inconsiderate attitude toward other people. I guess it's that lack of respect that makes me angry. I feel exactly the same in the cinema...
So. I will continue to speak my mind in future, but I have been humbled. While other people continue to be inconsiderate to each other, I will not. I will state my case while being mindful of the feelings of those around me.
After all, someone has to stand up for what is right.
And perhaps, despite the uncomfortable situation, that man might one day see my point of view.
Perhaps he might actually be sorry and realise what he had done.
Or maybe I'm just being hopelessly optimistic!
What do you think?
With the Live Earth concert behind us and everyone united against 'global warming' - it got the paranoid part of my mind working overtime.
I was thinking last night: couldn't the whole global warming thing just be part of some huge money making conspiracy...?
I mean: if you were the petroleum companies and you knew fossil fuels were running out, wouldn't you want to concoct a scheme whereby you could charge MORE for fuels, while limiting supply at the same time?
People are reducing their CO2 output by relying on alternative power sources, while the price of oil keeps rising.
Makes perfect sense to me.
If we can start a war over (mythical) weapons of mass destruction without repercussion, then the powers that be can get away with anything.
Or is that all just a bit cynical?
Everyone is proclaiming Al Gore's - An Inconvenient Truth a masterpiece of global warming awareness. Yet it's entirely one-sided, mentioning nothing of the warming effect of the sun or of the fact that volcanoes pump billions of tonnes of CO2 into the atmosphere every year. Or of the fact that the world goes through natural climate changes.
Instead it's all one great big complex mess of fear tactics designed to drive us all into hysteria!
Who really knows the truth? I certainly don't. But I do know that if I was at the top of a multi billion dollar petrochemical company, I'd want to do anything I could do keep the cash rolling in.
Makes you think, doesn't it?
Is it just me, or is the weather all screwed up?
While driving back from Milton Keynes on Friday, we entered a really dark patch of cloud on the motorway where it rained torrentially the whole time. The ground was like a river and visibility was next to nil.
The clouds were almost black and stretched off toward the horizon - there wasn't a patch of sunlight to be seen anywhere.
It was like a great disc lurking over Nottinghamshire - quite unnatural and entirely disconcerting.
And then, after a few miles of crawling along with the endless crash of rain beating down on the car, it subsided and we left the freaky weather behind.
But the weird thing was that the clouds were barely moving, and weirder still, the storm was still there when we came back on Sunday, only this time, it was much worse. The rain drops were huge and the splashing on the bonnet was deafening.
It reminds me a lot of the freak weather from Flash Gordon. Where Ming the Merciless sends down Hot Hail and weird typhoons.
It just struck me as odd, and a bit unnatural.
But what was even stranger (yes, it gets worse) is that there was a similar kind of thing in Sheffield. We came over the hill and there it was, this massive black cloud like a vulture hanging over the city and bombarding the streets with a deluge.
It's all a bit crazy.
Beauty and fashion is a serious issue nowadays. We idiolise the beautiful because we are conditioned to, almost from birth.
As soon as we can read we are told that we have to look and act a certain way if we want to be admired and popular.
It seems that our priorities have gone completely askew. What's important seems to be irrelevant nowadays. Sportsmen are being treated like gods while the people who really count work almost unseen. Scientists, doctors, and the people who tirelessly fight for justice have effects that span the ages, yet their voices go unheard; their names unknown.
We all have our own definition of what a hero is. Maybe they are the people who wear capes and soar through the skies of our comic books, or perhaps they are the champions of sport, or perhaps, they are the selfless inspirations to us all, the secret heroes who help us in subtle, yet profound ways.
So, in this world where our heroes are mostly those people who are little more than faces (and who do little actual good), I thought I'd try something different.
Go here and take a moment to look at the faces of the REAL heroes. People who have selflessly struggled to bring peace to the world over the last century.
Nobel Prize Winners for Medicine
Do you actually know any of these people, or their faces? I sincerely doubt it - yet their advancements in science and medicine have saved countless lives.
Don’t these people deserve more respect than: Beauty Is Skin Deep
Who is famous for… Well, need I really say it?
Or: David Beckham
Who is famous for, well, sports.
So, do these people deserve the wealthy, power, and status granted to them? Do they deserve to be escalated beyond the likes of those who have spent their entire lives selflessly working for the greater good?
In a world where pop and sports stars command six figure (and higher) salaries, the future for our society seems increasingly bleak as it becomes more and more centered on the things which ultimately don’t matter at all.
Sense of humour, compassion, selflessness, understanding – THESE are things which should be the focus of our respect. Not the ability to kick a ball around a field.
I’d like to say that I in NO WAY disrespect the incredible skill of sportsmen around the world, only that compared to the advancements in cancer, or a lifetime of aid to the sick and impoverished in Africa, these things pale into significance. And yet few people recognise them.
So, do we have the ability to choose our own idols? With peer pressure being such a powerful force, does anyone really choose who they respect nowadays?
I don’t think we’ll ever see pictures of the Nobel Prize Winners on the bedroom walls of most fourteen year olds, but it’s a nice thought to think that one day, the great minds, hearts, and spirits of the world will be held in higher esteem than the athletic prowess of David Beckham or what he's wearing to the latest movie premier.
I'm officially stumped! I only have a few hours to go before I have to print out my The Apprentice application form, and one of the questions has left me cold.
"Describe one thing you would do if you knew you wouldn't get caught!"
I can't think of anything I'd like to do.
So I turn the question over to you. What would YOU do if you knew you wouldn't get caught?
After the failed terrorist bombings in London today, we are a country desperate for good news...
And maybe this is a glimmer on the horizon.
In a breakthrough that could potentially lead to a cure for HIV infection, scientists have discovered a way to (potentially) remove the virus from infected cells.
German scientists have engineered an enzyme which attacks the DNA of the HIV virus and cuts it out of the infected cell.
The enzyme is still far from being ready to use as a treatment, but it offers a glimmer of hope for the more than 40 million people infected worldwide.
That enzyme was able to eliminate the HIV virus from infected human cells in about three months in the laboratory.
The researchers engineered an enzyme called Tre which removes the virus from the genome of infected cells by recognising and then recombining the structure of the virus's DNA.
This ability to recognize HIV's DNA might one day help overcome one of the biggest obstacles to finding a cure: the ability of the HIV virus to avoid detection by reverting to a resting state within infected cells which then cease to produce the virus for months or even years.
The researchers who developed the enzyme were optimistic about their ability to design additional enzymes which would target other parts of the virus's DNA.
However they warned that there were significant barriers to overcome before the enzyme could be used to help cure patients.
"The most important, and likely most difficult, among these is that the enzyme would need efficient and safe means of delivery and would have to be able to function without adverse side effects," wrote lead author Indrani Sarkar of the Max Planck Institute for Molecular Cell Biology and Genetics in Dresden.
So there you go, hope for so many. It might not be much, but it's something wonderful on a day of nightmares!
The most interesting thing I noticed about today was just how much my cravings had diminished.
I'm much more sensitive to the subtle desires of body and mind now I'm dieting, and I am considerably less desirous of cake and crisps today - which can only be a good thing.
And tomorrow - those cravings will be even less.
So today I had:
Oh and five Jelly Babies (when travelling). Maybe it's the uncertainty and randomness of travel that makes people eat crap. I don't know. I had eaten the first one without thinking (maybe it's boredom), and before I knew it, four of its friends were making their way into my stomach (they taste so nice, though).
So, overall, not a bad day. I already feel a bit healthier and, dare I say it? Slimmer...
Eating healthily is a delicate balancing act. You can juggle a bunch of tasty and healthy foods all day long, but as soon as you add chocolate, it's like your resistance crumbles and the whole house of cards comes falling down.
I think it's all about resistance, and not stopping exercising when you've had that chocolate bar, as, contrary to what your brain tells you - exercise DOES make a difference...
Well day one is over, and that was the worst (I say that tentatively in case day 2 is worse than day 1 in which case ignore that sentence entirely!)
The actual day wasn't too bad. With work and everything it's easy to forget about chocolate, crisps, and hydrogenated fats on delicious Krispy Kreme doughnuts (to which I have become rather partial), but as time passes and it's back to the hotel, the desires start to creep back...
The pack of Jelly Babies on my desk didn't help. I actually found myself (subconsciously) reaching for them a few times.
But I resisted, because I know that it's all in the mind. Cravings really do fade - you just have to stay on top of them and deal with them face on every time they pop up.
And there were cravings. I've eaten so much high calorie, sugar-laden food lately that my body was in shock. It was crying out for doughnuts or pizza or chinese food.
And being denied, my mind and body were complaining. It was a two-sided assault.
I was strong. And in the end, I had over the course of a day:
Total Calories: Oh I'll work it out tomorrow...
I didn't go to the gym for a swim, as I couldn't be bothered (I wanted to say arsed which, I feel, is much more descriptive - and true).
I went to bed feeling a bit peckish, but quite satisfied with my progress, and kept telling myself that tomorrow will be a much better day.
OK, I give up. I can't go on!
I'm officially a bloater. A porker. A total glutton of epic proportions.
I can't eat any more.So, I hereby announce that for the next week, I am not going to eat a single cooked thing; not a rich chinese meal in sauce, or something draped in butter.
It's nothing but healthy, organic fruit vegetables, and rice this week*.
And definitely, absolutely and categorically NO CAKEY!!!Will I manage to go the whole week...?
Watch this space for daily updates!
Wish me luck!*This also means Starbucks, ice cream, and chocolate of ANY kind!
But sushi is OK.
I went to Lea today, which is a place I've fallen in love with. It's in Derbyshire, not far from Matlock and is a picturesque village far from the hustle and bustle of daily life. It's a tiny place in the middle of the Derbyshire hills, and I reckon it gets about a hundred cars passing its main street a day.
It's like the Shire (without the annoying furry-footed pipe smokers!)
So I've been trying to get to the Jug and Glass for some nosh for a few weeks now. But they're always fully booked.
But this time I wasn't going to take no for an answer (unless, of course, they were fully booked). I managed to book a table for the Sunday carvery lunch.
WOW! It sure does live up to its reputation. The carvery, for eight pounds, was amazing. Lovely succulent beef, and roast potatoes and huge crispy Yorkshire Puddings.
But by FAR the best bit was the vegetables. They had caramelised carrots, red cabbage laced with cider, and oh-so-rich gravy brimming with ale. In fact, pretty much ALL of the vegetables had some form of alcohol in them. You'd think it was a pub, or something...
It was all sensational. I'd highly recommend this tiny pub in the middle of the most wonderful surroundings Derbyshire has to offer.
Phone the Jug & Glass on 01629 534 232
Or you can see their website by clicking here.
I'm a bad boy. I ate way too much and had to slink off when someone was overheard saying "who stole all the Yorkshire Puddings?"
Erk! It wasn't me, sir...
<burp>
To finish off, I went to the absolutely FANTABULOUS Coach House, which was a quick waddle down the street where I had tea and a generous helping of their Sticky Toffee Pudding, which is sticky, AND toffee and Pudding (three words I absolutely adore).
This home-made cake has been single-handedly responsible for adding about five pounds on my waist over the past month. It's basically a huge slab of feather-light toffee sponge, covered in hot toffee fudge sauce and surrounded by a moat of rich cream.
Delicious!
I got to meet the (very humble) Wonder Woman chef who bakes these cakes today, so there was some hero worship from me. She may not have a magic lariat, but she's kick-ass in the kitchen.
Anyone who can make cakes like these deserves my eternal allegiance. Forget bribery, extortion, and forced worship through dark magic. Just give me good cakey and I'll be subserviant to anyone!
So, can you now see why food should never touch my lips.
Again?
Ever!?
Someone asked me to talk about the 2012 Olympic Games and how it's only the people of London who are paying for the costs of hosting these event.
I personally feel that the UK is totally unsuitable for hosting the Games. Having to build a whole new stadium (and all the extras) at a ludicrous cost is plain foolish. We'll be paying for it forever, and if it's anything like Wembley Stadium, it won't be finished until 2015... (the Athletes' Village will be a series of tents on Clapham Common and the a la carte food will be a selection of McDonalds and Burget King...)
While I know there are millions of people who love the Olympic Games, I personally have no particular love for them, and I certainly wouldn't want to be paying for them. Especially when I thought hosting them was a dumb idea in the first place.
After all, I don't think anyone else would be particularly interested in forking out the cost for me to play online games.
Hmm. Maybe there should be a tax for that after all.
But the Government has said the UK will make a tonne of cash from the Olympic Games. Personally, I'm dubious...
We'll see what happens in the next few years; after all, 2012 is a looong way away.
I'm exceptionally grumpy today as a friend sent me some green tea yesterday.
Now, I've been caffeine free for years, and as such, the damn stuff has a profound impact on me.
So when I was sure these were decaf teabags (after all, anyone who knows me would only send me caffeine-free, right?) I had lovely two cups before bed.
Then, exhausted as I was from a long week of training on my new job, I went to sleep at 10:00pm...
Only could I visit the Land of Nod?
Nope. Not a chance.
It was wide-eyes for way more than four hours...
I managed to drop into a vague sleep-like doze around 3:00am, and finally fell asleep properly at about 6:00am. So it was a bit of a grim night.
But it made me realise quite how much of an effect caffeine and other stimulants have on us. My mother has never slept well, all her life, and it was only when I persuaded her to try caffeine-free tea that she finally realised that it was those three or four cups of strong tea a day that was keeping her awake at night.
She now sleeps through the night, every night.
So, I will be sleeping soundly tonight, but it's a sober reminder of how there's a price to pay for all those stimulants and bad things we stuff into our bodies without a thought.
What is it with hotels that suddenly makes people really nice to each other?
In hotels across the world, the barriers come down and it becomes acceptable to greet everyone you meet with a cheerful hello.
Is the 'hello' really an 'oh my god I'm so starved of human contact in this bleak hotel room...'? or is it just some way to fill the uncomfortable silence when passing in a hallway?We can't we be like this in every day life, and not just in the pseudo-reality of hotel life?
It seems to happen all across the world in pretty much every culture, and is just something I noticed this morning when everyone I passed in the corridors was greeting me in an abnormally cheerful manner.
I'm now stationed in Milton Keynes, UK, for four months.
And, despite its reputation, it's not nearly as bad as people make it out to be!
Poor Milton Keynes, the bastard love-child of the nation.
Should you WISH to, you can find out about all Milton Keynes has to offer by going to the official website:
I Wanna Open My Eyes to the Wonders of Milton Keynes!
Or alternatively, you could just ignore this post and wait for something interesting to come along...
We’ve all heard the rumours about the Church of Scientology: alien souls, brainwashing, cult status, fair game on your enemies, disconnection – oh the list of dubious activities that are attributed to the Church goes on and on.
So when Panorama’s John Sweeney went to investigate, I was hooked.
Foreward: We are all entitled to our opinions, beliefs and to live life the way we like without judgement from others. I would never wish to insult another’s beliefs – especially in my column. What follows are merely my opinions from the TV show. I could be very wrong and if I am, please do let me know.
As you know, it’s impossible to make a proper judgement about something without seeing it first hand, but if the Church really was the benevolent organisation it wants people to believe it is, why did it go out of its way to hound John Sweeney throughout his time investigating the religion?
John Sweeney is a good reporter, but he seemed genuinely flustered during the making of this documentary.
For an organisation that has “nothing to hide”, they denied the BBC access to interviews, and the celebrities interviewed pulled out at the last minute (following letters to the BBC from their lawyers).
There wasn’t any open door footage or interviews with existing members (even non famous ones). In fact, it seemed as though the BBC met with a brick wall during their investigation. Not a great start from an organisation seeking acceptance as a proper religion in the UK.
Fair Game: “Fair Game” was what founder of Scientology L. Ron Hubbard described as the method to get revenge on those who discredit the Church. While the Church denies this occurs, we saw some very interesting evidence of it in this in the show:
