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If you're in the UK, you'll know we had the strongest earthquake in 200 years last night (registering 5.2 in some areas on the Magnitude Scale), and it was actually terrifying, but not for the reasons you might think.
I was asleep at 1:10 when it happened. And all I remember was hearing this almighty explosion (in my sleep) and waking up disoriented and terrified. I could sense the fear in the air and could hear people moving around in the houses on both sides of me and on the streets.
It was weird lying in the dark and feeling this palpable sense of terror in the air. I got up and wandered around for a bit, and things quickly returned to normal. But in my half-sleep state, the great explosion of the earthquake felt like all the demons of hell had been unleashed upon the earth.
It was the most disoriented and terrified I'd been in a long while. I did think for a single instant that maybe the zombie invasion I've been warning of had finally come to pass.
... Maybe I read too much horror.
The whole thing did make me think how strange and oddly exhilarating real terror is. It's primal and powerful and life-changing.
Don't forget that Terminator: The Sarah Connor Chronicles starts on UK TV tonight.
It might start with lots of action, but it soon settles down into a really great show.
Must not be missed.
It's on Virgin TV at 10:00pm.
It’s a crying shame the gravely tones of Will Arnett weren’t used to voice KITT because Val Kilmer just can’t cut the mustard. KITT was supposed to be an irascible know-it-all, but instead we have a cross between HAL 2000 and a bland Robbie the Robot – there’s little to no personality under the hood, which is a tragedy as the car is supposed to be the star of the show!
I am, of course, talking about the pilot of the new Knight Rider TV series which premiered last night, and while it was vaguely true to the original (with cameo from David Hasselhoff himself), it entirely failed to sparkle. All the camp qualities of the show were discarded in favour of what was essentially a 90 minute commercial for the Mustang car. Yes, the new KITT might have looked cool, but it’s not nearly cool enough. It just feels wrong. It might have lots of new-fangled gadgets, but there was not a single turbo boost in sight. That’s right, KITT remained utterly land-ridden for the full ninety minutes. He didn’t leap over another car or a cleverly-placed set of cardboard boxes. Not once.
The story’s a bit dreary so brace yourself. The scientist who invented KITT has a database filled with all kinds of technological plans. An evil military organisation wants to get their hands on these plans. Scientist fakes his own death, so, to get the data, the organisation goes after his daughter, Sarah Graiman (Deanna Russo), who has the knowledge to decode the information. KITT comes to the rescue and they go to find ex-Marine Michael Tracer (Justin Bruening) as he’s the one person who can protect Sarah and save the day. Y'see, Sarah is (conveniently) the ex-lover of Michael, son of super hero and ‘80s love icon Michael “the Hoffmeister” Knight.
While they all look very young and pretty, it’s more product placement than action show, and there are a lot of car chases in which KITT absolutely does not leap over anything. Which is frankly a bit bizarre. Wasn’t turbo boost a staple of every episode of Knight Rider ever?
Thought so.
Anyway, while it firmly seeks to establish itself as a sequel to the original series, it lacks all of the charm. There’s no Devon or Bonnie, but a bunch of two dimensional characters. The new Michael is passable in the lead role, it’s just a pity KITT has none of his original character.
There’s a glimmer of potential here in this pilot; it’s just a shame that this first episode was so very dreary.
Firstly, it's not nearly as bad as everyone's making it out to be. Overly-criticising movies seems to be the fashion lately and everyone's doing it...
If you don't know the story, Hayden (Padme, NOOOOOOOO!) Christensen plays David Rice, a man who discovers he can teleport anywhere in the world merely by thinking about it. Once he has mastered this power, does he use it to help people? Nope.
Does he use it to form the world's fastest courier service? Nope.
He uses it to make himself stinking rich by robbing banks all over the world.
Living a life of total luxury, able to go anywhere he pleases, David believes himself beyond the grasp of other mortals.
But Samuel L Jackson's character - Roland - begs to differ. He is a Paladin, a member of an ancient order who believes the "Jumpers" are wicked and should be destroyed. He hunts down David with the intent of killing him. Things start to look bleak for the ex-Sith Lord until David meets Griffin (Jamie Bell from Billy Elliot) who is another Jumper who uses his powers to kill Paladins.
From them on it it all gets very fast-paced, a bit blurry, with lots and lots of action. Oh and Rachel Bilson (Summer from the O.C.) is David's love interest, but it's all a bit weak and hardly worth mentioning.
Overall, it's a great premise and a decent movie; well worth watching just for the action - which, admittedly isn't the biggest budget - but there are some fun scenes. Sadly, you've seen most of them in the trailer.
It's also very short, at just 88 minutes from start to end credits. That makes the movie really short. In fact, it was over when it was just getting interesting. A sequel, perhaps?
Only if it makes enough money at the box office.
Summary: 6.5/10. A decent action movie. But lots of plot holes and a lack of real depth bars it from the heights the bare bones of the story so deserved. Really nice idea, though. I really would have liked some explanation of the Jumpers and their powers, or some more meat in my story, but this is one action movie that's vegetarian through and through.
Did you get a Happy Valentine's Day text this morning? If so, you're not the only one...
Texts and emails are gradually replacing the traditional Valentine's Day card, a new UK poll reveals today.
The End of Romance: The Royal Mail's survey found 12% of respondents preferred to receive or send Valentine's texts and emails rather than letters, cards or flowers.
Its poll of nearly 2,000 people found 55% planned to send a romantic token to a loved one. This compared to 70% of respondents who hoped to received a Valentine's message or gift.
The Royal Mail is braced to deliver some 12 million Valentine's cards and letters on February 14. On a typical day, the Royal Mail handles some 82 million items of business and personal post.
Not only can a Valentine's card be kept and re-read, it carries a feel good factor for the recipient. It's far more personal than a crappy e-mail.
I find this news quite sad. That people choose to spend ten seconds on a text rather than send a hand-written card speaks volumes about society these days.
If you're in the UK, you can claim your FREE bag of Cadbury Mini Eggs.
Just print off this voucher and the chocolatey goodness is yours.
http://news.woolworths.co.uk/newsletter/2008/cadbury/voucher/
Did I mention they're FREE?
The estate of The Lord of the Rings creator J.R.R. Tolkien is suing New Line Cinemas, claiming the company failed to pay a cut of gross profits for the blockbuster films.
The Trust and publisher Harpercollins filed the lawsuit against New Line this week claming New Line was required to pay 7.5% of gross receipts from the films to Tolkien's estate and the other plaintiffs.
The films have grossed almost six billion dollars worldwide. The plaintiffs seek more than 150 million dollars in compensatory damages, unspecified punitive damages, and a court order giving the Tolkien estate the right to terminate any rights New Line may have to make films based on other works by the author, including The Hobbit.
You can see what effect that would have on 2010's two-film prequel based on The Hobbit. That'll teach 'em not to share.
"The Tolkien trustees do not file lawsuits lightly, and have tried unsuccessfully to resolve their claims out of court," Steven Maier, an lawyer for the Tolkien estate based in Britain, said in a statement.
"New Line has not paid the plaintiffs even one penny of its contractual share of gross receipts despite the billions of dollars of gross revenue generated by these wildly successful motion pictures."
Maier also claimed the film studio has blocked the Tolkien estate and the other plaintiffs from auditing the receipts of the last two films.
This isnt' the first time naughty New Line Cinema has been in court for failure to pay royalties.
And this time the Tolkien trustees seem to mean business.
I've been accepted into a beta for a very popular online game today.
Trouble is: the game size is rather hefty, and the download rate has plumetted to a measly 60k a second.
At this rate, the game will be out before I've managed to download it all.
Hmph
Follow on from yesterday's story about crimes of chocolate on my flight back from Amsterdam, I came home today to find a weird guy (in his twenties) knocking on my back door.
He turned to me and asked where the next street up was. I told him, knowing full well that he was casing the house (greedily eyeing that upstairs window and my laptop bag which I'd stupidly left on the kitchen table).
Of course I phoned the Police, and followed him up the street, but he knew I suspected something and vanished - never to be seen again.
It was all very suspicious, I mean, who knocks on a door to ask where something is? Even worse, who stares through a window into the house before knocking (he didn't quite see me in time).
That might be another burglary thwarted, but the crooks are getting clever. It's pretty worrying, actually. He was just the right shape to slip through open windows or half-blocked grates, etc.
I'm mentioning this because it's their new way of casing houses. If they find someone in they simply ask a mindless question, like: Does Stan still live here? Or, where is High Road?
Nowhere's safe any more...
So the 'Wizards' at Wizards of the Coast have released information on death in Fourth Edition.
YAWN! How unoriginal. It would be much simpler for characters to die at -their Con and keep it at that. Quite why they choose to have these stupid and arbitrary systems in place boggles me. It's all so complicated and unecessary. And this total lack of originality is why the game is doing so poorly.
Oh well, that will be why I'm not writing for Wizards on Dungeons & Dragons, I guess...
Since I started posting a weekly commentary on the X Factor, the monthly hits on my column have halved.
Well, it's either X Factor or the fact that my column isn't nearly as interesting as it used to be.
With my workload, I'd definitely blame the latter.
I clearly need a hook. Maybe I should do something outrageous like one of those video blogs... I could do something like Chris Leavin's Cute With Chris.
Or report on really bizarre news. Like piercings or necrophillia. Or both!
Or maybe I could just keep doing what I'm doing and accept that I'm way too busy to think up cool stuff to talk about on my column. You get movie reviews. What more can you ask for?
I do have a bunch of super-exciting projects in the works, but I still can't talk about any of them.
Which is annoying.
... On another topic entirely - I wonder if the person who stole my chocolates has eaten any of them yet?
Just got back from Amsterdam where I was reviewing the new SEGA game Condemned 2: Bloodshot, and left a bag on the plane. Was exhausted from a gruelling day of travel and reviewing, and just naturally forgot I had a new carrier for a moment.
When I remembered it, about 3 minutes later, they wouldn't let me go back to the plane, so I had to go to the help desk to get someone to retrieve my bag, but despite it only being about 10 minutes since I left the plane, they said my bag, with all its chocolately goodness, was gone.
So either someone picked it up off the plane, which I find a bit unlikely (as it was sitting pretty flat at the bottom of the locker), or someone on the plane team found it and grabbed it.
Anyway, it's a bit depressing that someone would swipe it up from the locker, but then again, anything seems fair game these days.
Even delicious, hand-made chocolate from the Netherlands.
RIP my cinammon almonds, I hope whoever ate you enjoyed them as much as I would have.
As you may remember, Alan Connor is a very old friend of mine, and his new single Dance Away has now been released.
You can find the single available on download from the following sites:
Or do a search on iTunes for all those nifty remixes.
A physical CD will be available in stores but until then, it can be ordered on-line via Jumbo Records in Leeds.
Alan, I wish you a lot of luck with the new single. it's great!
I’ve seen some decidedly ropey movies recently, but this is by far the worst. In fact, it's so very bad, it’s already in the running for Worst Movie of the Year. And being only February, that’s some accolade.
It's a real struggle just to get through.
This should have been a huge treat for all the Dragonlance fans in the world, instead, what we’re given is a poorly realised, abysmally badly animated, and shoddily written effort, which can’t decide whether it wants to be ‘80s computer graphics or actual cartoon animation. Marvel is releasing such phenomenally animated titles like Iron Man and Doctor Strange, yet this is a poor man’s version of He-Man from the ‘80s.
The story follows the first book in the Dragonlance series – if only vaguely. It’s confusing because so much has been omitted and it really makes very little sense. The heroes go from one battle to the next, with little, if any breathers for story advancement, plot points, or characterisation.
The characters are reduced to the most ridiculous fantasy stereotypes, the dwarf Flint might as well be Gimli from The Lord of The Rings, and Keifer Sutherland is totally wrong for the whispering sibilance of the red mage Raistlin.
There’s no effort or imagination gone into any of this movie, from the voice acting to the story to the artistry. It’s that poor. Talking of the odd visuals, there’s one battle between the heroes and some hooded dragon creatures, only the hooded figures are computer generated, and it all looks horrible, out of place, and a terrible mismatch of styles.
So, was there anything good about this movie? I glibly want to say the closing credits, but even they were annoying when accompanied by the generic fantasy soundtrack. There were some nice nods to the books, but sadly, a few cute comments in a ninety minutes movie does not make it in any way bearable.
Overall: 3/10 (my lowest score yet). Almost unwatchable. Only the most ardent Dragonlance fan should watch this movie, and even then they’re guaranteed to be disappointed. A truly, TRULY wasted opportunity that should have been so much more. But it seems every single part of this movie is broken in some way. A tragic shame.
I can't say I was pleased when I found out that Peter Jackson was producing The Hobbit, but I can't say I'm entirely unhappy with his choice of director.
Guillermo del Toro (Hellboy, Pan's Labyrinth) is now in the hot seat for director.
A Jackson/Del Toro combo will be amazing. It will be very dark, and look amazing. Just how it should be.
I'll be following this one very closely.
There’s not a lot to say about this somewhat run of the mill Britflick; you’ll either like it or you won’t. There’s probably no middle ground.
A remake of the original 80’s movies, St. Trinian’s is a run down all-girls’ school filled with two hundred misfit girlies grouped into cliques (the geeks, the posh totty, the goth/emos, etc). The story is simple: the school is badly under funded and needs a paltry £500,000 to avoid closure, so the girls get together to save their beloved home from bankruptcy. But, unlike other – nice – ladies, they don’t have a charity fete or put on a show to raise the funds. Oh no! They decide to do something far easier... like stealing a valuable painting from the London National Art Gallery.
And it's pretty much like that all the way through.
The movie is not original, it’s nothing new, but it is quite funny. It reminded me of the Spiceworld movie (in that everything seems to be forced and rather unnatural). That said, this is a far better movie and the cast is more believable (which still isn’t to say it’s at all credible). The plot is outrageous, the characters hugely predictable, but it’s reasonably endearing and there are some very funny lines, especially if you’re a fan of mindless violence, drug references, and sexual innuendo.
And who isn’t?
Colin Firth and Russell Brand star in the movie, and they absolutely play themselves, which is a bit disappointing if you were expecting an original performance. No chance of that here from any part of the movie. Mind you, does Colin Firth ever play anyone but himself? He’s the same character in everything, isn’t he? It can’t be bad getting paid to do absolutely no acting whatsoever.
Overall: 6/10. If you’re looking for something with lots of girls wandering around in school uniforms (or less), then this is the movie for you. Otherwise, go watch the originals.
