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Two things spring immediately to mind when considering the movie Beowulf:
This is pretty much a faithful retelling of the story – to a point. It’s about as faithful as it can be without being boring. It’s got plenty of action, and an almost entirely naked CG-rendered Angelina Jolie – who plays Grendel’s mother.
It’s very dark movie, and, contrary to the opinion of one very popular reviewer, one thing it’s not trying to be is The Lord of the Rings. It’s a lot more like 300 in style and direction (300 is far superior). It’s got dragons, monsters, and lots of magic in it, so, I suppose it IS like Lord of the Rings – if you look at it in that rather limited way.
Overall: 8/10. A decent fantasy epic with lots of eye candy, epic battles, and a fairly decent script. What more can you ask for?
Also, there are two versions of the movie, a 3d one and a normal version. If you get the chance, see the 3d version.
*I know the dates vary wildly for when the original manuscript was written. If anyone knows more, let me know.
Rant time, and what really gets my goat this week is when you contact publishers, agents, editors, and they say "sure, send your portfolio over" and then, weeks go by and you hear nothing.
Then, you email them with a follow up message, and although they were pefectly chatty before, now there's nothing but a stony-cold silence.
Not a single reply (it's like dating all over again).
Now, I wouldn't mind one bit if they bothered to reply with "your work is crap / not for us / bugger off and don't tarnish my inbox with your presence" but nope, not even a polite response.
I find that just weird. It's hard not to be insulted.
Whatever happened to basic courtesy?
Well that was a bit of a damp squib, wasn't it?
The penultimate episode of Heroes season 2 (maybe all we get this year with the Writers' Strike still in full force) was not impressive, interesting, or even particularly well written.
It was a collection of poorly realised stories and ridiculously contrived character plots (the lost comics storyline in particular - you know the one I mean...). There's none of the impact of the first season and the whole 'we need to save the earth' is extremely lame to the point that even the actors seem to be going through the motions.
They seemed to be fitting weeks worth of stories into just one episode - which didn't work. Why do we have to have a huge season cliffhanger? Just round it off nicely and let us wait patiently for the rest of the season.
My main criticism of Heroes is that there are too many characters and the main ones just don't get enough screen time, but I don't mind that because Hiro's storylines this year have been dreary and it feels as though the characters are struggling to find a decent storyline.
I honestly feel the show has lost its way and needs a good rest - maybe that way director Tim Kring can regroup his writers and make the show as fresh as it was in season 1. Or, with plummeting ratings, maybe the show will be cancelled.
I'll be happy either way.
I really do believe that the kids of today have a much harder time than we did back in the '70s. It was a more innocent time back then, we didn't know half as much as we do today and we didn't have a fraction of the technology that permeates every aspect of our lives these days.
Here are some of the differences:
On reflection, I'm not sure it's a better world for all these changes. We were certainly healthier back then; nowadays everyone's telling us what to eat and how to live, it's a confusing world - far removed from the simple lives we had three decades ago.
What do you think?
Matthew Perry will play an adult version of Zac Efron in 17, New Line Cinema's teen comedy about a man who wakes up to find he's 17 again.
And that got me thinking: Matthew Perry is 38 - hardly middle aged!
But that got me wondering: what age, exactly, is middle age?
A web surf brought up a whole range of contradictions, but to me, middle aged starts in the mid 40s. I guess it's all a matter of perspective: people in their 20s might think middle age is anything over 30, while people in their 40s might think its anything over 50.
Of course, if we go on life expectancy (76 for men) then 38 is absolutely spot on.
Oh. My. God. I'm middle aged.
Hmmm. I don't like it much, to be honest.
It's all down hill from here.
This guy is very funny. An ex-Canadian actor, he now does a weekly YouTube show.
So, I'm currently addicted to Mario Galaxy on the Nintendo Wii. It's a great game, gorgeous, colourful, and plays beautifully. It's one of those games that's not too hard (unlike Mario Sunshine - which I gave up on for being too fiddly and difficult) and the control method is possibly the best I've seen for years.
While I really do not like the Mario character (an Italian plumber, what could be less dynamic?) - or the endless spin-offs - this game is fantastic. There's about 15 hours worth of game play here, and a lot more if you want to collect all 120 stars. Which I do.
Pros
Cons
I also have to say, somewhat reluctantly, that I've voiced my concerns about the Wii for months now. I still maintain that it should have been a noticable graphical push, but with games like Mario Galaxy about, I can finally see the strengths of the console. It may not feature in glorious 1080p high definition, but most state-of-the-art games should sit up and notice. It's game play, atmosphere and character that a great game make.
It's definitely not as good as it used to be...
Here we are at week six (hereafter known as “the most dreary series of the X Factor" - ever), and thank goodness, for we’re over half way through to the finals. Just four more shows and we’ll know who’s won X Factor 2007. What's more exciting is that the bookies are taking bets on who cares the least – and voting is fierce for this coveted title.
Apathy is running as high as the stakes, so before I fall asleep after six duller-than-dishwater love longs, here’s my view on the show.
But first a word about Louis Walsh. Isn’t he just the most pointless munchkin on television? He makes statements like (to Same Difference): “if you win the show it’ll be a travesty”. No judge has the right to say that – to anyone. It’s mean and downright cruel and serves no purpose on a show like this. It's not even good TV.
But anyway, enough focus on the midget with the personality bypass and on to the songs.
Opening the show was Brenda with “Can’t Live (if living is without you)”. Not nearly as good as the judges’ comments, in fact, I’m not even sure Brenda is as good as they’re making out she is. Definitely on shakey ground tonight.
Same Difference sang Starship's “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” and while it was a good song, it wasn’t their best performance. Personally, I love all the dancing and the campy stage stuff – it’s when they’re at their strongest.
Niki delivered a powerful vocal with “The Power of Love”. She looked fantastic and that performance should see her through to the final.
Rhydian gave another strong performance, but it just didn’t move me as much as previous weeks. I got a text telling me a friend had been moved to tears, so Rhydian is obviously touching someone (fnar fnar). He should definitely win X Factor – he has the whole package going for him, and surely, that's what the 'contest' is about?
Hope came next with some Christine Aguilera song I’ve never heard before. To be honest, Phoebe just isn’t that great a singer to be ‘carrying’ the band. This week, though, Simon was intent on us seeing the ‘real’ girls, which means seeing them in their checkout jobs at Tesco, smoking joints and shagging guys in the toilets in Gatecrasher. Just kidding, of course. People have been commenting across the internet that don't really look right as a group. And I agree. I think they’re the version of Girls Aloud sponsored by Lidl... They should also go home this week.
Leon came last – and he should have gone home weeks ago. He just hasn’t got the X Factor. Max Factor is more his style (sorry, the old jokes are the best). His song was ultimately forgettable and he should have gone in week 3 (instead of Futureproof).
I just want to spend a moment looking ‘behind the scenes’ on Same Difference. They get so much stick for being ‘nice’ all the time. But that’s just not the case. It's all an act... apparently. A peek through any window when they think they’re alone and they can be found burning themselves with cigarettes, swearing profusely, and bitching about the world.
In fact, once you take off their Same Difference masks, they’re actually the two old guys from The Muppet Show…
Anyway. HUGELY boring show. Hope it gets better next year. I mean next week. Yeah, that’s what I meant.
On the chopping block tonight (a really easy one): Beverley and Hope. Eject! Eject! Eject!
I went shopping in Birmingham last night and - for the first time ever - was driven crazy by the Christmas music.
Playing in every store.
Over and over!
Now, I know it's only 5 weeks to Christmas, but really, does anyone else think it's WAY too early for all these festivities? I wouldn't mind it in December*, but it's the same every year: same old music, same old tired Santa and his threadbare reindeer...
I hate those festive songs pretty much universally - I Wish it Could Be Christmas Everyday in particular - and if I had a time machine, I'd go back and assassinate all the members of Slade.
I mean - Who really wishes it was Christmas every day? You'd not be able to buy any milk for one thing.
Or bread!
And we all need bread.
Anyway, I digress. It's going to be like this for the next five weeks!
Bah, humbug!
*I might, actually.
A 'friend' sent me this today: It's Way Too Early For Xmas!!!
I don't know whether I should be insulted or not...
UPDATE: He also did this (such a warped mind)
Make your own judgements on this.
I hate it when the media puts ridiculous spin on something just to sensationalise it. The company I work for is always in the news - we're always getting slagged off for one thing or another - and I read this today:
"Security experts have expressed astonishment that the missing child benefit data discs which could leave 25 million people at risk of ID fraud were not encrypted before being copied on to CDs and put in the post.
They said the password protection system could be broken by hackers "within minutes" with software downloadable from the internet."
Now that's all well and good, but that's all dependent on the CDs getting into the wrong hands. If you found a weird CD with encrypted data on it you'd probably just bin it, wouldn't you? The chances of these few data CDs falling into the 'wrong' hands is minimal.
I know the point is the data should have never been sent out by post, but the media just seems intent on making us all feel as insecure as possible about every subject imagainable (terrorism, bird flu, identity theft). Trust no one, they seem to be saying in an oh-so-secret manner.
Ultimately, anything can be decrypted given enough time. The CDs should never have been sent out at all. Sensitive data should be kept under lock and key where its safer...
This kind of journalism really gets my goat...
I don't actually HAVE a goat, by the way.
So, maybe it's the grumpy part of me that's awake at 3:00am that's taking, but I'd really like to give people who give movies and games online reviews with scores of 1/10. Happens so much on IMDB and it really bugs me. People who do it must have peanuts for brains.
I actually can't think of any movie I'd give a 1 out of 10 to; and pretty much every game has some merits (if you take the time to look), yet Mass Effect, Bioware's delicious sci-fi role playing game (released on Friday) has online reviews with scores of 0.1/10 and comments like "Don't Believe the Hype".
Regardless of whether the game is terrible or not, I'm pretty sure this game deserves a 5/10 for the graphics alone.
These people need putting in a sack and - well - never mind. They sully reviews for everyone else.
I guess that's why you can't trust the internet for reviews (or, indeed, comments from sane people*). Things are either fantastic or terrible, and there's very little middle ground - everything's black or white.
Grrrr. I'll go back to bed now.
*Obviously, my website doesn't count here!
Well, somebody somewhere does, because an international panel of former pilots and Government officials has called on the US government to reopen its investigation on UFOs (Project Blue Book) as a matter of national security given continuing reports about flying discs, glowing spheres, and other strange sightings.
And there have been countless skyward sightings of objects covered with flashing lights and vanishing as quickly as they came. Other visitations are more malevolent, with people claiming they have been abducted by creatures from other worlds and subjected to inhuman experiments aboard their spacecraft. Crazy or not?
In June of this year, one of the largest UFOs ever seen was observed by the crew and passengers of an airliner over the Channel Islands (UK), prompting an official near-miss report.
A month later, a crowd of 100 stunned stargazers brought Stratford-upon-Avon to a standstill when five mysterious objects were spotted hovering in the sky. Drinkers spilled out of pubs and camera phones were aimed upwards as the five orbs, apparently in formation, hovered above their heads for half an hour – moving with extraordinary speed and agility.
Of course, people have been seeing UFOs for decades, and before that, it was demons and angels, and before that, it was dragons and monsters. So “sightings” are nothing new.
Of course, to finish, I have a story of my own: I was eight, in Halifax (UK). It was about this time of year, and I was out in the garden shortly after dark when something very black and circular moved slowly overhead. Although I couldn’t judge distances, it was very black and seemed to be just overhead.
The very next day the Police published a report that a meteorite had passed over Halifax.
Whatever it was, a meteorite it was not!
I don't know if it was of earthly or otherworldy origins, but it does make me wonder. I'm certain life exists on other planets and it's only a matter of time until we are discovered in the universe. Surely, with all these sitings, there has to be some truth to it?
Now, what do you believe?
So it’s disco night on the X Factor and we’re going back to the ‘70s.
Leon – started with Relight My Fire. It was his best performance so far, which isn’t to say very much. It was all a bit weird and forced and no one noticed he got the words all wrong at the end of the first verse. You’re on shaky ground tonight, Mr rollercoaster ride hips!
Singing Hot Stuff was Niki, and actually, she was really good tonight. Great cleavage - you could have parked a bus in it! I think Simon’s comment about her being “a mother getting up at a wedding” wasn’t fair; the X Factor isn’t limited to age – it’s for everyone – besides, Madonna is still rocking in her fourth decade of pop, and Cher – well, hasn’t she been around since the Pliocene era?
Rhydian was up third. What can I say? Singing Go West this was Pet Shop Boys meets Tom Jones (in drag). He was very strong as usual, and seemed to love the military theme. It all felt a bit wrong (like a guilty pleasure), but was very, very funny. Rhydian’s slip at the end about "how glad he was to be working with male dancers" was hysterical. Funniest thing I’ve heard all week.
Hope looked fabulous. Singing Gimme Gimme Gimme – they were totally ABBA. It was a great performance, slick and stylish. They really are coming along and I can see a future for them. There were some tuning issues, but I really liked the arrangement and would definitely like to hear it professionally recorded.
Beverley sang I’m Every Woman and for all her efforts I just don’t feel like she has star quality. It felt a bit lacklustre in the first half but she pulled it back with a great finish. Sadly, she’s no Whitney Houston. She can't half belt out those notes, though.
Alisha chose Young Hearts, Run Free, and… well, let’s just say another cat wrapped in a sack and tossed down a well. Yep, caterwauling was an understatement. Why she’s still in the contest is a mystery to me – especially when Andy and Futureproof had at least another week in both of them (would have loved to have seen Andy doing disco - I think it would have made him). ANYWAY – another track murdered. Alisha – the X Factor Murderess.
Same Difference came on last with Blame It On The Boogie (changed from their original song choice). It wasn’t their strongest performance, but it was great fun with their typical choreography. But it’s FAR more fun to watch Louis’ face as he gawps on in bewilderment.
Safe Tonight:
On the Chopping Block:
In the 'Bugger Me the British Public is Fickle' Camp:
Who goes? Find out in an hour...
So I made myself a Facebook account, but I realised that not only are these sites a haven for phishers and fraudsters, it's also damn impossible to add friends if you don't know what they look like.
I've got loads of friends all over the world, many of whom I've never met - so adding them to Facebook is pretty tough.
So, what are you waiting for, add me to Facebook and say hello. You could even do something totally trivial - like throw a chicken at me, or, if you're feeling fruity, pet my fluffy friend - Cowe!
Ahh, the joys of wasting hours of precious life on Facebook!
The song list for the Saturday show is in. There are so few contestants left. Where did they all go?
Oh, that's right. One was voted off for being a slapper scrapper (catchy ain't it?) and four have been voted out.
ALISHA YOUNG - YOUNG HEARTS RUN FREE.
Alisha (AKA Why am I still in this competition) has stayed in the contest through the magic of her weekly sob story. She wants it so much. Yadda Yadda Yadda. I just wish she'd go away now.
Tell you what: I'll trade you my used Alisha for a fresh Futureproof who never got a chance to shine. Hell, I'll even trade in Andy with his cow eyes for that croaky old woman voice...
BEVERLEY - I’M EVERY WOMAN
Nothing bad to say here. Will she be in the final, though? In the bottom two last week, things are looking grim from the primary school teacher. Who'll have the bigger sob story on Saturday, Beverley or Alisha? Vote now!
HOPE - GIMME! GIMME! GIMME! (A MAN AFTER MIDNIGHT)
Oh, I'll just come out and say it: this wannabe Girls Aloud just aren't slags enough to compete with the WAGS of tomorrow. They've no hope of winning and even less hope of doing anything beyond X Factor. They've one final card left to play: I'm hoping they'll get so desperate they'll offer to whip out their baps live on stage if they get through to the final. I'm telling you, it's a sure fire way to win!
LEON - RELIGHT MY FIRE
They can't be serious with this one! Can they? The only way anything could light Leon's fire is on November 5th. And yes I'm talking Guy Fawkes. Nice voice, shame about the dancing / crying / whining (delete as applicable - or actually, don't bother - they're all relevant).
NIKI - HOT STUFF
She got slagged off for singing All That Jazz from the musical Chicago, what does she think she can do with this? She could be great, but I can see whipping on the horizon from the judges.
RHYDIAN - GO WEST
Rhydian SHOULD be singing Gimme Gimme Gimme! Now that would be funny! Can't see it happening, though.
SAME DIFFERENCE - FEELS LIKE I’M IN LOVE
Bless them. Just bless them! I've not got a bad word to say about Same Difference. I hope they can better last Saturday's show with something even more fantasmical! Louis and Sharon might slag them off, but they're one of the most polished acts we've seen on the show in - well - ever!
In closing I have to say: bring back Andy.
No, scrap that. Bring back Chico!
WHAT TIME IS IT?
Toyfare magazine chats with Justin Marks about his vision for the upcoming movie He-Man. Here's a snippet.
TOYFARE: How did you get involved with writing the He-Man script?
JUSTIN MARKS: He-Man came about as a result of a mutual collaboration with [co-screenwriter] Neil Ellice and the guys at Silver Pictures. We came together and married a take that we all really loved and that we felt would be true to Eternia for the first time. And we campaigned and pushed-everything short of getting on my hands and knees begging-for Mattel to hear it, and they did. We got in the room and we basically spoke through not only one movie, but three movies, all the way down through our dreams for the titles for the second and thrid movies and which characters appeared when.
TOYFARE: Do you think the public is going to have a hard time accepting He-Man as an action hero?
JUSTIN MARKS: A lot of people think of He-Man and they think of that guy with the bob haircut and the Arnold Schwarzenegger archetype and laugh him off, but those of us who grew up on him, we don't laugh about He-Man at all. There are great ideas in there that we've never seen on film... and hopefully we soon will.
TOYFARE: Is he still going to be called He-Man?
JUSTIN MARKS: [Laughs] We're doing something very interesting with that. But... yeah. Obviously you can't make a He-Man movie and be afraid of the word "He-Man." You have to get into there. But I think fans will be very pleased when they see how "He-Man" is spoken.
TOYFARE: Do you have a villain yet?
JUSTIN MARKS: Oh, it's a Skeletor movie. Obviously we can only speak in broad strokes, but how about this? Thus far, at least, there are no invented new characters plopped into it-and if we and Mattel have our way there will never be. We're talking about the He-Man mythology. So what we're talking about doing, in the same way as Batman Begins, we're going back to the original thing, let's build it from the ground up again. How can we find our way in? How can we jump into Adam's life at an interesting point where new audiences will respect him? It's an Adam origin story, and it's a Skeletor origin story. We want to see where both of them come from and how they got that way. If we don't see the humanity and the truth in what Skeletor's trying to do, then the story's not compelling.
TOYFARE: How are you going to incorporate all the... let's say disparate elements of the He-Man mythology?
JUSTIN MARKS: He-Man is sword-and-sandals meets science fiction. If you avoid it and just try to make it sword and sandals, then it becomes a boring movie. If you just try to make it science fiction, it's going to be really kitschy and weird, and it's not going to be true to He-Man. You have to make it both. So we have to come up with specific ideas, grounded, that would spawn a world that was people carrying around swords, and yet, guys like Tri-Klops running around with his spinning visor and this sort of nano-technological way about him. What is the sorcery that can create stuff like that?
TOYFARE: So you're really sticking fairly closely to the original world?
JUSTIN MARKS: There's some stuff going around... we should clear that up. There's some rumor spreading that he's a soldier in the Iraqi war. Where did they get that? This is an Eternian movie and it's a story about an Eternian hero. We're not going to Earth, here. We're not going to the modern world. We're not going to a strip mall in the Valley. [Laughs] By the way, I think there are really great things about the original Masters of the Universe.
TOYFARE: What kind of questions?
JUSTIN MARKS: If you remember, He-Man [toys], very early on, had two halves of the sword-Skeletor had half, He-Man had half and you could clip them together. And that was discarded by the cartoon. And I'm not sure if I can tell you but we finally got the answer to [why there are two halves], because it'll be something that I think can affect the movie.
TOYFARE: So Mattel has been pretty helpful to work with, then?
JUSTIN MARKS: Mattel has been really great when we say, "Look, we need something for this scene, something along the lines of this." And they usually have stuff in their library that's like, "No, it should be like this," and we're like, "Great!" So it's been really fan-friendly in that regard. When this movie comes out-and hopefully some day it will, because things look really stacked in its favor after Transformers-people will watch this movie and say, "I can't believe it took this long for a He-Man movie to get to the screen," because of how naturally the original material suits itself to a great, Lord of the Rings-scale-and yet high-tech-cool movie.
You can pick up a copy of Toyfare magazine today to read the complete interview.
I have some comments, though. How many ways, exactly, are there of saying "He-man", how will people be surprised here? I have no problems with He-Man, after all, that is his name. Putting a spin on that seems a bit odd.
At least it'll be Skeletor and Eternia - which, I suppose, is something.
I've been thinking about what books I'd take with me if I were stuck on a desert island. It was a hard choice with a few tomes in a deathmatch arena fighting for the coveted top three slots, but in the end I came up with:
High on the list would also be:
What books would you take?
Who doesn't want to see a big budget Justice League of America movie? (apart from the people who just said "huh?" or "what?" or, even better, "Who?")
Ever since Tom Welling and cast provided the seeds for the idea in season 6 of Smallville (entitled Justice) we've all been secretly salivating at the idea.
For months the casting world has been rampant with speculation on who will play the members of the Justice League - and now we're only a week away from the answer. The cast has now been confirmed, contracts signed and secrecy sworn. But come next week, we'll know who's playing Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, and others... (no one cares about them anyway).
As for the casting, personally, I'm hoping for new actors for the main roles - preferably someone not famous. I can't see anyone in the title role of Superman - not even Tom Welling. He's an OK actor, but I'm looking for more from my Man of Steel. I think Christian Bale's Batman is too dark, too gritty. His world doesn't feel like a world filled with superheroes, gods, and mystical beings.
So for once - I pray the studios avoid the big names and go for the right actor (they won't of course). I want a cartoon world brought to life, not some real world mundanity from the limited imagination of director George Miller - whose previous attempts have involved Babe: Pig in the City and the funny, but somewhat dreary Happy Feet.
With Miller at the helm, this could be a sack of crap before it's even begun.
Rumours have it that the story will involve the Justice League dealing with the death of Superman at the hands of the super powerful Doomsday. Could it be true? Well, the movie's not out until 2010, so there's plenty of time for that to change beforehand.
More news on the cast when I have it.
Just in case you were dithering about buying Hellgate London, here's a list of what the developers are working on. It's a worryingly long list of bug fixes.
I get the feeling this game was released WAY too early. And half the systems weren't tested. I hear one gamer subscribed, to be charged NINE times! Unforgivable.
My advice: don't make up your mind - yet on whether to buy this game. Come back in January. Warhammer Online will still be a few months away by then. This game has the potential to be glorious. Until then, developers everywhere take note:
MAKE YOUR GAMES WORK BEFORE RELEASE.
It's a pretty simple rule, really. Wonder why so many companies fail to stick to it!
We've all heard about the problems with voting over the past years of X Factor, but after trawling the forums, I found an alarming number of people complaining that they couldn't get through to vote for Futureproof last week.
Now, I could be wrong (but I highly doubt I am) but if Futureproof were in the bottom two, wouldn't it be worrying easy to phone up and place a vote for them.
Sounds like a fix to me. Which is probably why Alisha is still in the contest. This show loses more credibility with each year, and let's face it, it never had much credibility in the first place.
Out this weekend is Planet Terror - the second part of the much discussed Grindhouse two parter. Split up from it's brother, Death Proof (which was released earlier in the year), this is a movie about zombies invading a small town in America. Starring Rose McGowen (from Charmed) who's a sexy but down on her luck stripper, the movie has a great cast, is fast paced and is, above all else, very funny. You should definitely give this movie a look.
Coming next weekend (16th November) is the movie Beowulf - the animated movie about the warrior of the same name who is destined to slay the monster Grendel. As with all animated movies, there is a cast of high-profile actors associated with it: Ray Winston as Beowulf, Anthony Hopkins as Hrothgar, John Malkovich as Unferth. And, of course, Angelina Jolie as Grendel's Mother (she gets everywhere these days).
You can see Beowulf at IMAX - which, I've been told, is the best way to see it - in 3D. Although sitting for 90 minutes with those huge black specs on seems a bit weird to me. The 3d stuff always seems to be purely for titillation - I can't imagine being engrossed in a movie with 3d glasses on. But I'll go see it next weekend and see if the movie proves me wrong.
Lastly, coming very soon (7th December) is the Golden Compass. I've already talked about this quite a bit but I hope they remain truthful to Philip Pullman's novels and don't Hollywood-ise it entirely (it's an alethiometer)! More on this in December.
I'll be doing a movies to see over the Christmas / New Year period later in November, as there are so many great movies being released this year (Fred Claus notwithstanding).
Ok so it's not MY review - that'll be in next month's Shivers Magazine, but this is the next best thing.
A very amusing (and oh so true) review of the game. With comments like: "Billing adventure puzzle! Sometimes we charge you $9.99 every month, and sometimes we charge you $9.99 every single day. Keep a close eye on your credit card activity and enjoy this extra layer of gameplay. The fun doesn't stop when you turn off the game or when it crashes you to your desktop!"
Go here to see the review at SomethingAwful.com
I got an email from the Federal Drugs Administration who have written a song about Rhydian.
Who managed to rhyme Rhydian with Idom... Very silly but very funny! Genius, in fact.
It always amazes me when those voted off say something stupid like “This isn’t the last you’ll see of me. I’ll be back”.
Sorry to burst your bubble but historically, the only time we’ll see you again is in a cheap knockoff of Playboy or in the crappy news section of the tabloids when you’ve been arrested for GBH.
Niki was up first. Very shaky vocals, but good. She’s not impressed me as much lately as I would have expected and this certainly wasn’t her best performance of the series. She’s capable of so much more, or has she peaked too early?
Same Difference sang the Scissor Sisters' I Don’t Feel Like Dancin’. Every week they come up with something innovative and fun and this week was their best yet. Brilliant fun, Disney meets Steps meets pop. It was happy and energetic with great dancing. All around brilliant. How could anyone NOT like that performance? So much going on – they’re absolutely excellent performers.
Andy came third with an oh-so-forgettable version of - err. What did he sing again? I think that's the second week I've done that in a row... The problem with Andy is that he’s a one trick pony – he’s all doe-eyed stares into the camera. His vocal has no peaks. The original song was great but this was oh so wrong – a poor musical arrangement. He’s in the danger zone this week. Oh it was Chasing Cars - by Snow Patrol.
Beverley was up next with ‘Beautiful’. A top class performance. She made it seem effortless and can really belt out those high notes. She’s come from behind and stolen Niki’s crown for the final. Can Niki win it back – we can only hope that the chesty twosome settles this with a mud wrestling match… That’d be one hell of a pay per view!
Hope was in the bottom two last week and barely surviving the judges’ vote they had a lot to prove this week. Singing Back to Black by Amy Winehouse, I felt it was an average performance. The chorus and harmonies were gorgeous, but the actual main vocals were a bit dreary. It felt like the wrong song for them – where was the sex. Hope could stay in to the finals simply by offering the public a challenge. They’ll wear fewer clothes every week they stay in. Now that’d be a sure way to get a million votes a week.
Leon was sixth this week. Now Leon, you need to read this very carefully. X Factor Rule #1: If you dance like a washing machine on a see-saw – don’t. Ever. No seriously. Don’t!
I think the song was OK but I was do distracted by the robotic shuffling that someone in the 5th Dimension would calling dancing to really tell. He’s growing in confidence, though. Which is a shame because he’s probably going to be in the bottom two tonight. I do really like the tone of his voice, though.
Alisha. Only survived last week by the graces of the VT which pulled at the heartstrings of every viewer in the UK. I really do wish they wouldn’t show them and just let the contestants battle it out on the strength of their performance, but nope, we can vote-inducing video clips that influence everything. However, Alisha sang a great performance and I was surprised. But was it strong enough to stay in? She was certainly better than Hope this week.
Rhydian. Up last was the Welshinator with the scary eyes. He sang ‘You Lift Me Up’ with no gimmicks, no fur coats, no dancing, just heartfelt vocals. And what a performance. Superlatives like "fantastic" just don’t cover it! He’s in a league of his own, making the other performers look like cheap karaoke. He's set for stardom no matter what happens in the X Factor. In fact, he's so good, winning X Factor and being tarnished with its reputation would probably be a detriment to his career. So let's hope he gets voted out and goes on to a serious recording career - or something in the West End.
So, that was it. The final eight. An interesting week with lots of average performances to give the public something to vote over.
On Top this Week:
In the Danger Zone:
I've got a question: the Writers' Strike is affecting television episodes for 2008 and I'm left wondering why. Surely they production companies have got all their episodes written for next year? After all, they've only got a few months to get them filmed as the season ends in the middle of the year.
If the preparation for each episode takes months, why is the strike affecting the 2008 show lineup?
Do production companies work only a few months in advance? Are scripts finished just weeks before production?
Either way, it seems a bit bizarre that the Strike is leaving TV companies high and dry.
Anyone know the answer?
So the American Writers' Association is griping because its members are not getting paid for new sources of downloads (such as when you download a TV episode via itunes). And so, like any sensible and good natured organisation - they're striking. This means that the latest episodes of your favourite shows may not air this year.
I find this beyond ludicrous - hmm - need to invent a new word to describe that one. Quite simply because there are tens of thousands of fantastic writers out there who would kill to be a part of these shows. Smallville, Lost, Heroes - the TV studios need never be short of scripts - they could open the doors to the world, hire a handful of people to read them and go from there. I'm sure they'd save a sack of cash in the process.
Of course, I live in a rose-tinted world and such an idea is, of course, impossible. But it would be nice to think there are people who could inject far more life into these often hackeneyed and endlessly repeated shows than the current group of writers.
And yet these people are striking over something as trivial as this when they already get paid tens of thousands of dollars for every script they produce.
Crazy world, isn't it?
The war is on. Well, not really. But Hellgate London and Tabula Rasa (the game, not that crap episode of Stargate Atlantis from the other night) are both officially in the gaming charts.
Naturally, being a far better game, Hellgate London stands at #3 in the best selling games of the week while Tabula Rasa flounders at #8.
I found it a bit strange that Tabula Rasa - a hugely (over) publicised MMO - has only got 4 servers at release. That's a pitifully small number compared to - well - any game other than Dungeons & Dragons Online.
Hellgate London only has two, but they're those weird super instanced servers - one for the US and one for Europe. Not sure how that equates to actual gamers but the stations always seem very full of players - especially at peak times.
I guess we'll see in time which game wins - but for me, the contest is already over. Despite its many bugs, balancing issues, and niggly flaws, Hellgate London is a masterpiece of gaming. Or rather, it will be. Maybe. One day.
It's got so much potential for greatness. The whole subscription thing rankles, though. Especially as it's so much more expensive for a UK subscription than a US.
But the UK always gets shafted, especially in gaming, so I should stop moaning and accept it.
Or move to Florida.
Mmmm - sunny.
I'm going to start reviewing TV shows that I watch, mostly for more experience in the mystical art of reviewing (every little helps, right?).
I figured I'd do Heroes, Smallville, and probably something from the new shows (maybe even Desperate Housewives) - I've got pretty varied taste in shows, so it could be fun.
I was watching last week's Stargate Atlantis and saw it was called Tabula Rasa (blank slate). I immediately shuddered. Why do these shows have only six episode types? Why can't they make new - fresh - ones? You're guaranteed in a show like Stargate to have a body swapping episode, a 'we've lost our memories' episode, a 'someone's been captured' episode.
yawn, Yawn, YAWN!
And these are the very same writers who are complaining about getting more cash for internet downloads! I'm sick of their tired and hackneyed writing; there's no need for these episodes.
And while I'm on a TV rant about Stargate Atlantis, it's the same writers who made sweeping changes to the cast, citing it was the best way to stir up the show and to revitalise it. If you feel the characters haven't got any interesting stories - then whose fault is that? Certainly not the actors.
In summary: we need more innovation in our TV shows. Less body swapping and more unique stories. Fire all these crappy writers are get some fresher, new ones. 'cos the ones they're using are clearly broken.
Is there a 12 month guarantee? Can we take them back to the shop for a refund?
More X-Factor shenanigans today with the news that one of the finalists - Emily Nakanda - has been forced to quit after she was caught on video assaulting another girl.
Turns out that things are not at all Fan-dabi-dose when the video shows slugger Em grabbing a girl's hair and throwing her to the ground before punching and kicking her. Other footage showed the wannabee pop starlet threatening to gouge a boy's eyes out with a knife.
The latest footage, which was recorded on a mobile phone, shows Emily putting another girl, known only as Anna, in a headlock and pulling her hair. Emily tells Anna that she is going to rip out her hair and complains: "If it rips out I’m gonna get blood on my clothes."
Emily was due to be singing the Bjork hit: It’s Oh So Quiet on Saturday’s show. Ladbrokes, which had placed her as second favourite to win the contest, said it would refund all bets on the teenager.
Well, she was crap anyway and deserves everything she got. I mean, just look down for how weak I thought her performances were - and this was from the #2 favourite to win. Are they watching a different show to me?
I've said it before this week but you really do reap what you sew.
My one question is: WHY do they come on this show? Are they fooling themselves into thinking this stuff won't come out? It always does. As soon as you get a whiff of fame, out they come, exchanging cash for tidbits about your sordid past.
Anyway, I hear they're going to replace her with Mike Tyson, or that slapper from Girls Aloud...
What do you mean "that's all of them"...
The new trailer has been seen for the movie with no (formal) name. While this trailer is still "secret", here's the lowdown.
It's filmed almost entirely in super shakey-cam (motion sickness ahoy!) with lots of Army people battling a huge monster that no one can make out (surprise!). We know there's a huge monster and lots of little ones, which still doesn't rule out any of the previous ideas that it could be Godzilla, or Cthulhu, or, well - anything, really.
Personally, I'm getting a bit bored with all the hype surrounding Cloverfield. Just release the damn name of the movie already so we can decide for ourselves whether we want to be excited about it or not.
Chances are, with thus much hype. We won't.
